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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Apr 17, 2013 1:21:24 GMT -6
I realize as I do these things to myself, a long and difficult journey awaits me. Part of me however must see this as worth it since I have in fact done these things. And so it occurs to me, part of me does indeed desire to be more feminine. But how much? Reconciliation between the respective I's may become necessary. We are all fractured I realize and so the question now is, how is communication possible? For only in this way, could I know what it is I need to do, through this mutual understanding within myself.
I suppose meditation could help? Also, deep thinking within the holocaust of thought as I've termed it. I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes though and I really wish I knew what it was that I'm searching for! I've become so emotional and I'm questioning the inherent value of this as I know emotion can often cloud judgement. So perhaps that's it then? I need to "still myself" so that I can think more clearly and from there, my path can become more clear? I really need more input on this and I welcome it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2013 7:46:11 GMT -6
Brother,
since now I wrote nothing about your process of becoming more feminine because I assumed "all of you" wanted it, for years.
If it's only part of you, then you should kill this process, and find your "master I" first and for good.
From times to times, or in a particular context (in bed with your wife for example), a fantasy of being treated as a submissive girl ? Why not, get fun with that ! And be a man as you physically are rest of the time. You may find a good equilibrium.
Changing your body is another affair. You may do A LOT of damage to yourself, I mean to your mind, if that's not what you need.
So obvious isn't it ?
Your emotions are submerging you as I understand it...
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Apr 17, 2013 20:44:50 GMT -6
I understand and acknowledge your concerns Yrreiht. Perhaps I misspoke? I do see it as necessary shift in my own evolution and consciousness. I know the "master I" does indeed want this. I'm always very pleased when I look into a mirror for example, even though I no longer recognize the person staring back at me...
After some deep mediation, I've come to the realization that my emotional problems aren't related, although they are magnified by the estrogen... I no longer have parents and am evidently quite sad about that! I'm taking it one day at a time... I'm thinking another unrelated post is in order here, but I cannot seem to form the words just yet...
The problem I am attempting to address, albeit unsuccessfully apparently is that I need all of my I's to be ready for the transition. I know this is possible, and yet I'm still not sure exactly what it is that I'm moving towards. All changes so far are quite minor however and quite reversible within the space of a few months while taking certain pills. I did make sure of that before I embarked.
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