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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Oct 8, 2011 22:09:22 GMT -6
I've recently adopted a pre-sabbath ceremony of sorts that I've implemented. To honor the memory of my mother (RIP), I leave an offering on a makeshift alter I've set up to her memory. And recently, I power meditate for a bit after leaving the bread and water. I intended to meditate for 15 minutes, but only made it to 10 as a sadness overtook me... I simply couldn't focus anymore! This made me realize that I haven't let go of her demise. I know I must conquer this somehow! I know that I can conquer this! It has now been brought to my attention and the first step to solving any problem is identifying that the problem actually exists. The next logical step to a solution is learning to cope with these emotions so that they can be dealt with. Don't misunderstand me! I have no intention of forgetting my mother, but I desire a better method of dealing with the pain. I know that to do so would be a much better tribute to her memory.
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Post by sin on Oct 10, 2011 8:41:38 GMT -6
It's great that you are actively seeking to manage the pain of loss. We've talked about the affects of your mother's death on you, for sometime now. You might also look into methods of ancestor worship. That word 'worship' usually turns people off, but its not what it sounds like. Essentially, its selecting days to honor the memory of your ancestors. By keeping the memory of them alive, they live on. It manages the grief, as well as pays tribute to their memory.
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Post by ahariman6 on Oct 10, 2011 11:17:09 GMT -6
I'm sorry for your loss, that's very tough. You seem to know what to do, but I can also tell u aren't sure it's the right way of handling it. I think you are right to bring this issue to awareness because the the first step to solving any issue is acknowledging it exists. Take ur time, go slow with this! Understand that you know what to do, just trust yourself, and when I say "you", and "yourself" I literally mean your "self", not your body, but the actual you! Your essence. Acknowledge this and you will start to awake and be able to move on, but always keep the memories of your mom with you.
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Oct 10, 2011 11:39:32 GMT -6
You're right ahariman6! I must take it nice, slow, and easy now. The tarot warned me that the path is somewhat treacherous. Perhaps for the time being, the ideal plan is to simply do nothing but what I've already been doing? It should get better as I progress through these feelings...
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Oct 15, 2011 20:39:59 GMT -6
Well I just talked with an occultist friend of mine regarding my mother. She suggested that a part of myself, no matter how illogical, blames me for my mother's death. She reached this conclusion after I had told her some things about the events surrounding her demise. I then suggested that maybe I should work through these feelings with some deep trance work over the course of a week or two? This isn't going away and it's clearly something that dominates my will and impedes my progress.
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Post by sin on Oct 16, 2011 10:59:40 GMT -6
It's actually pretty common to blame yourself for a loved one's death. It's usually followed with feelings of regret. I could have done more, I could have said more, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I a shitty person?
I had to play Matriarch when my grandfather died. His kids, my aunts and uncles, were going through some sort of life crisis. They decided that my grandfather was a real prick, because he ruled their home with an iron fist, back in the 70's. It wasn't until my grandfather got really sick with liver disease, did they choose to let him know how much they enjoyed his suffering. I was around back then, little as I was, I remember vividly (4) teenage kids driving my grandparents ape shit. And on occassion, my grandfather took the belt to their asses. Hell, I got the belt a few times myself for being mouthy. Growing up in a big obnoxious Italian family, this was common. It wasn't child abuse, it was discipline.
Somewhere down the road, when their lives were turning to shit (due to their own choices of course) it was all Dad's fault. My grandfather became softer in his old age. He was not the big Papa I remember as a child. He suffered, and he just wanted to be surrounded by those that loved him. He called me the night he died, he knew he wasn't going to make it through the night. We said our goodbyes and he asked that I call each of his kids to tell them how much he loved them, and he would go to thereafter with a clear conscience. He asked that they call, to say their goodbyes. Stubborn as they were, they refused. And so he died.
My aunt Linda suffered the most, her last words to her father were: I hate you. For a year she lamented over it, her life going deeper and deeper into shadow. Finally I volunteeered to help her, otherwise she could try to make it on her own. I made a spirit board, and invoked the spirit of my grandfather so she could say what she needed to say and get over it. She did, she spoke to me as if I were him, she cried, she unloaded her emotional garbage and moved on. I gave her the spirit board as a memorial.
You could do something like this in an evocare trance ritual. You evoke that dark passenger you've been carrying around, and tell it to hit the road.
Any plans for carrying it out?
CS
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Oct 16, 2011 13:21:27 GMT -6
Nothing immediately comes to mind Cora. This is a small Texas town and is "esoterically challenged" if you know what I mean. I suppose we could arrange for you to help me over the phone if it's not too much trouble? I mean, we've got each other's digits thanks to FB and all...
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Post by sin on Oct 16, 2011 13:44:07 GMT -6
Evocare, takes preparation. You gotta get your head right, otherwise you'll end up making yourself sick. Sounds melo-dramatic, I know, but I've seen it first hand acting as a monitor in trance rituals. I'm there with the puke bucket ready.
Typically you want to fast. Drink water with lemon in it when you get up, and throughout the day.
Set up an altar with things that remind you of your mother. Pictures, mementos, anything that will provoke emotion. Use those candles from your dream, etch them with some symbol to represent your goal.
Bath before you begin, wear all white if you can manage it. Stay away from black, black tends to bring on posession - I can go into that another time. Smudge yourself with incense - your entire body. Keep lots of incense going on your altar. The aroma aids in inducing trance. Have your candles lit, and everything set up ahead of time. Don't make eye-contact with anyone from the time you bath, until after the ritual.
Trance is induced by repetitious motion and a certain number of beats per minute in the music of your choosing. I recommend a 6-8bpm for this type of ritual.
Men are usually more celestial in their movements vs. women who are more terrestrial. If standing is comfortable for you, I recommend this. You may hit the floor later but it really depends on your progression. There's a couple of moves that will induce trance quickly.
Standing, allow your body to bed forward, letting your arms follow and hang to the ground. With the rhythmn of the music, sway either side to side or up and down. Continue to do this until you induce euphoria. As the music carries you, you want to be thinking about all that junk you want out. Guilt, sorrow, that looming funk that makes you uneasy. If you feel yourself getting emotional, allow it. You may cry, scream, moan, breath heavy - this is all normal. You may find yourself jumping, reaching up, flayling your arms around like crazy - do it if its natural, but don't force yourself into doing unnatural movements. Visualize taking an etheric black body out of yourself, see it outside of yourself and force it away from you.
You keep at it, until you reach PTFO (pass the fuck out) and you may wake up on the floor, maybe even with a loss of time. This is normal. Make sure the space you are using is free of furniture or anything you can knock yourself into. If you are doing this alone, there's no one there to keep you from whacking your head on something. What I do when I'm alone, is I walk the perimeter of my space a few times, it commits it to muscle memory so you don't have to concern yourself with it during the ritual.
Don't pop right up, let yourself snap out of it in your own time. Have some water handy so you can drink it, it will get you back to the present reality.
Have a notebook handy too, you may want to jot down thoughts, images, feelings and that sort of thing. Give yourself a day, to see if you feel any different.
Edit to add: Feel free to drink some wine ahead of time, it helps but don't get cocked. 2 glasses max. Have some bread on your altar to eat when you are done with the ritual. I usually have a platter on my altar with bread, humus and grapes - perfect grounding food.
Text me if you have any questions, I'll do my best to walk you through it.
CS
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