Post by Padowan on Mar 30, 2015 14:32:55 GMT -6
I've never liked photos or videos of myself. I never felt a need to document parts of my life. I learned at a very young age that life is transient. Nothing stays the same. I never grew up in the same place, had the same friends, or lived in the same home. As someone said to me today I had many opportunities to reinvent myself. Now is one such time.
I am ready to write off a past life and start anew, but this is not comprehendible to some around me. When they first learned the news they brought out old photographs and memorabilia to remind us of our life together. They chose to live in remorse in what has been; a conscious choice to live in the past.
I've never lived in the past. When I was young and a move was coming I began to disconnect from my surroundings. First I detached from objects and places; my home, my school, my neighborhood. Then I would slowly detach from my friends. I still played and talked and loved them, but I severed the emotional part that identified with having them in my life. Last, I detached from my memories. So many people tell me they cherish their memories. I dissolve them. Only the absolutely wonderful and unforgettably horrid linger. It has affected my memory in some ways. I have a hard time with accurate time recall but I can recall most of what I need to.
I don't watch home movies. My mother could not comprehend that I had no desire to keep toys or objects from my childhood. I had no connection with them. No sentimental connection. No Nostalgia.
I've been called cold because of this. I believe nostalgia is another form of identification. Connecting to a long gone emotion embodied in a memory, a place or an object with a current emotional response.
Any thoughts?