Post by Kyriotes on Mar 5, 2014 19:09:51 GMT -6
Hello future friends and brothers. I have been a lurker for awhile and finally wish to make a change in my "world" or existence. It happens that my biological family is awash with mental disorders and I have not only inherited a few, but I have gained a few. This means that I was subject to such trauma that I developed PTSD. Currently, I am a shut-in with terrible fear and when my fear manages to be lowered an octave, my shame flares up.
Now onto the other facets of my life. I have always been a natural talent in the realm of academics, however, given my issues as seen above, it hasn't been easy. Getting called on, group projects, speeches, were all things that made my stomach sink. Semi-literally too. During high school I self-medicated to return to "normality". Ecstasy raised up upon a podium, for it was the only way for me to have any semblance of happiness. My parents kicked me out of their home when I was 16. After a few stints on the street and in some homes, I eventually made my way to an office building called "The Temple of Sound". Many of the inhabitants were into various magicks; they were a kind of hippie raver. With them, my understanding of otherwordliness grew as did my idealism. After the E was gone, my ability to maintain energy, happiness, and interact with people was worse than it ever had been.
Growing up, I was always in the library because it seemed to keep away the more obnoxious people, not because I am terribly narcissistic (although I can confusingly be very narcissistic) and I was instantly drawn to the horror. Poe, Chambers, Lovecraft, ...yeah R.L. Stine and Stephen King too. Most nights I was too frightened to go to bed so I checked out a book on white magick. This was maybe 5th grade and found that I should encircle my bed in salt. My parents were pissed.
Recently, my surname led me to Luciferianism where everything is a mess. Practically Michael W. Ford runs the entire modern Luciferian movement, which bothers me enormously. His books read like he repackaged Satanism, which has been what I heard from the critics of this religion. Satanism and I are no enemies, but Satanism is NOT Luciferianism. Some disagree. Personally, given the mythology and its proneness for translating error, I see Lucifer and Satan as different beings, not two sides of the same one. My meanderings online brought me two mentors in Luciferianism, one pro-Michael W. Ford and one anti-Michael W. Ford. Both of them served their purpose of bringing me back to the Cult of Cthulhu with the intent of awakening. That is the purpose of Luciferianism and why shouldn't I use a mythology set that is much nearer and dearer to my heart?
So here I am in all of my glory; an introvert, accidental misanthrope, and if the stars are right, your brother.
K
Now onto the other facets of my life. I have always been a natural talent in the realm of academics, however, given my issues as seen above, it hasn't been easy. Getting called on, group projects, speeches, were all things that made my stomach sink. Semi-literally too. During high school I self-medicated to return to "normality". Ecstasy raised up upon a podium, for it was the only way for me to have any semblance of happiness. My parents kicked me out of their home when I was 16. After a few stints on the street and in some homes, I eventually made my way to an office building called "The Temple of Sound". Many of the inhabitants were into various magicks; they were a kind of hippie raver. With them, my understanding of otherwordliness grew as did my idealism. After the E was gone, my ability to maintain energy, happiness, and interact with people was worse than it ever had been.
Growing up, I was always in the library because it seemed to keep away the more obnoxious people, not because I am terribly narcissistic (although I can confusingly be very narcissistic) and I was instantly drawn to the horror. Poe, Chambers, Lovecraft, ...yeah R.L. Stine and Stephen King too. Most nights I was too frightened to go to bed so I checked out a book on white magick. This was maybe 5th grade and found that I should encircle my bed in salt. My parents were pissed.
Recently, my surname led me to Luciferianism where everything is a mess. Practically Michael W. Ford runs the entire modern Luciferian movement, which bothers me enormously. His books read like he repackaged Satanism, which has been what I heard from the critics of this religion. Satanism and I are no enemies, but Satanism is NOT Luciferianism. Some disagree. Personally, given the mythology and its proneness for translating error, I see Lucifer and Satan as different beings, not two sides of the same one. My meanderings online brought me two mentors in Luciferianism, one pro-Michael W. Ford and one anti-Michael W. Ford. Both of them served their purpose of bringing me back to the Cult of Cthulhu with the intent of awakening. That is the purpose of Luciferianism and why shouldn't I use a mythology set that is much nearer and dearer to my heart?
So here I am in all of my glory; an introvert, accidental misanthrope, and if the stars are right, your brother.
K
When the stars are right!