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Post by K'zin Z'tari on Dec 10, 2013 8:27:11 GMT -6
When I first came here five years ago, I was searching, I had been for a long time, but no matter what I did, could never get anything done, so nothing much came of it.
As time passed and I started to learn from other members of the CoC, something started stirring inside, and things started to happen, things I had never thought could be possible, and I grew.
In the time that has passed since then, I have learned many things, it came up to a point that I felt tired and weary of it all. and I sank into depression, I had made much progress, I had worked my way up in the Order and That was fulfilling enough, for awhile.
Now after a long break, i have come back, there are forces at work, I do not quite understand, I am not in as good way as I would like, my depression had almost got the best of me, but one day I finally saw that this could not go on.
For the time being, I am struggling for my existence, life is hard and things are off, but I am aware of it, I feel like I am trapped, locked in a cage and I wan't to be free, and just wanting is keeping me sane and steady; all I have accomplished is worth something and I am not giving it up, so I come back here, to the place that started everything, the change in my life.
I will be honest, those who know me know about my problem, my addiction, it has again got on top and I am sailing with the stream, there are good days and bad days, but I am working constantly, I have to get so many things done before the curtains fall, and I will stick to that, my work on myself, my being in this world and I am not afraid.
It is good to be back
K'zin Z'tari Seeker of S'gnac the violet colored gas
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Bao Erman chinese mousefarmer
Guest
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Post by Bao Erman chinese mousefarmer on Dec 10, 2013 17:11:03 GMT -6
I do believe that your work and efforts are not in vain. The end-goal is of course your own well-being and you should not never be afraid to admit that, even though you will be called self-absorbed by your adversaries. It is in your best interest and those closest to you that you find a way to demolish the barriers that isolate your existance and the only way to do that is to follow the path that you are on.
Acknowledging your weakness and accepting its existance is the true way of accepting oneself. You are definitely walk the right chosen path although it certainly is the path less traveled by others.
We should all know that there is no right or wrong in the path we choose to walk our life, at least not in the terms of humanity.
A wise course is to have a clear assessment of the current situation, preserve oneself by staying away from gossip which has nothing to do with serious matters, and focus you ability on deserving matters.
You walk your path straight with your head up high. For this you deserve alot of credit. Oneself is unique and should not be forgotten nor mistreated.
Live long and prosper.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2013 9:55:04 GMT -6
It is good to be back
K'zin Z'tari Seeker of S'gnac the violet colored gas And it's good to read you again ! and I plan to write more, too...
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 13, 2013 14:21:59 GMT -6
Welcome back! We can never stop struggling. There may be periods of smooth sailing, but the lion's share of our evolution comes by rough seas.
It begs the question: Aside from the .03% of conscious humanity, how does anything get done? Why is there progress at all?
Anyone feel like tackling it?
VS
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Post by Shawn on Dec 14, 2013 19:40:29 GMT -6
According to the Fourth Way what's generally considered progress isn't. There is no evolution for mankind.on our scale, only evolution of.a.man. That's the textbook answer anyway.
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Post by Shawn on Dec 15, 2013 4:35:22 GMT -6
I've read the entire thread instead of just the last post and it seems different now than the first time around.
I don't know you that well or what your situation is but there's a chance that I've been in a pair of shoes like yours but not exactly the same.
So, I'm going to ramble on about me and if its useful to you, great. If not then it was about me anyway.
I didn't really believe what people told me, because they all sounded like a greeting card, rainbows, opera or some shit like that. I can only imagine what I sound like to you, because there was no me for my past self back then. My best guess is that you see right through me, and that's the case it might dawn on you that I'm speaking from your future.
That's some crazy shit ain't it?
Now that I've given you the greeting card, here's my obligatory advice:
Thinking doesn't help. Depression causes your brain to go off searching for something useful and takes you along for the ride.
The best thing you can do about your brain using you for a change is to know your unending thought stream is that its not you. Try making fun of it or heckling it. Not just because its fun, but because any voice you intentionally use against the stream is your own.
Secondly, since thought doesn't help, get music. Not shitty, sappy "love life" music -- get something like the album The Downward Spiral by NIN. In fact, that's probably the best album for this kind of thing. The first song will introduce you to the kinds of thoughts you're automatically thinking and the last will prepare you for something better. The songs in-between will help you identify your problem. Whatever song you like -- its related to your problem.
Also get the songs New Skin and Deep Inside by Incubus.
And whatever you do, watch the black and white art film " The Begotten" and think about how it's one of the most overdramatic films ever made.
Dont watch Fight Club, especially not Fight Club, Youre All Diseased by Carlin or Dressed to Kill by Izzard.
If you don't avoid both Bill and Ted movies something unfathomably terrible will happen like, well, you know, ok I have to admit I couldn't think of anything witty.
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Post by Shawn on Dec 15, 2013 4:43:17 GMT -6
Where you see opera, I meant Oprah. Damn spellcheckers are.ruining spelling.
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Post by K'zin Z'tari on Dec 15, 2013 16:41:25 GMT -6
Thank you all for your feedback, it gives me much good feeling to be noticed and given something so precious, the will to hang in for another day.
This gets me thinking that not all is lost, though at times it might have looked so, this winter has been really hard on me, many problems, but I am feeling more every day, the strenght to fight and better my circumstances.
Now as the holidays grow near, I wish you all the best of times.
When the stars are right
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Post by shawnhartnell on Dec 17, 2013 23:56:55 GMT -6
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Post by K'zin Z'tari on Dec 30, 2013 18:09:16 GMT -6
Cool song and video, thanks for sharing
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