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Post by araqiel on May 30, 2012 0:05:32 GMT -6
Venger, Just read the summer edition of Grotto Magazine www.scribd.com/doc/94990592/Grotto-Magazine-Summer-Issue and I thought 'let it go there are those with far worse luck than me'. Then you invited everyone to use the message boards so here I am putting finger to keyboard. I don't want to bore everyone with too much detail, but I'm an accountant which is a job that requires a lot of personal authority. This is something that I lack. This lack leads all kinds of shit in the office, eventually I get pissed off with them, they get pissed off with me and a couple of years later I'm looking for a new job. No one wins. Now I'm currently unemployed, I've called the last lot a pack of bastards a sufficient number of times to get things off my chest and I would really LIKE to get over it and get on with finding a worthwhile job. But how do you get over it when you know exactly the same kind of shit is going to happen in the future. As I've said, there are those with bigger problems than I've got but from what I've seen in life is that peoples problems keep on repeating themselves in cycles throughout their lives and its hard to get over something when you know you've got it ahead of you. I'm sure you meant well in your article but I think it should be taken as a first step and the second step being for each of us to make up our minds exactly what it is about us that's causing the same repeating problems in our own lives.
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Post by sin on May 30, 2012 8:00:28 GMT -6
First, let me say thank you for taking the time to check out Grotto Magazine, even if only for Venger's article.
As to the content of the article, the message is strong. It's really about attachment. If you are attached to the instances in the past, and all the emotions associated with it, this gives cause for imaginings about the future. This negativity resonates from you, but more importantly it festers within. If you want positive results, you have to make efforts, beating yourself up about things all the time, will just turn you into a real asshole. I don't think this archetype is desired for anyone but especially you.
As to your line of work, I also work in accounting. Our CFO died about 4 years ago, and this stepped up my role from Bookkeeper to a meg-shift CFO with no real 'power' to manage finances in this office. The CEO is terrible with money, he and the CFO had a 40 year friendship and were business partners. He kept the owner's head afloat. As a result, the company went from a multi-million corporation to now Chapter 7. I see it all around me, its happening at this moment, but you know what? It's just a job. Sure, it is a source of income, but its not my only source. I'm innovative in that regard.
I was cut to part time in January, and the office manager has been paying my salary out of her personal checking account since then. I'm sure you can imagine the volumes of phone calls and office visits I get a day from people demanding their money. The debt goes into a black hole when a company files for Bankruptcy. In this economy, people need every dime they earn.
There are a myriad of ways I could react. I observe my co-worker behave like a lunatic every day because she's under stress. She's managing a heavy load on her head, and it shows. Me? I'm relaxed, I'm always working in the background to ensure that I prosper, and my child is cared for. I could easily be depressed, angry, or anxious but I'm not. Seriously, things just fall into place for me. I do what must be done but I don't live to work. I work to live.
I think Venger's article is straight forward and to the point.
Shit happens - get over it. Shit happens to you - get over yourself.
Do this, then things don't seem so dire, you keep moving, press forward and continue to gain vs. count your losses.
I understand the need to vent your frustrations, but Venger is offering you a tool you can use. What prevents you from using it? Perhaps these patterns you speak of repeat because there are simple things you can do that seem really hard, and it's easier to just complain.
What say you?
CS
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Post by sin on May 30, 2012 8:04:37 GMT -6
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Post by I AM the Way on May 30, 2012 11:08:27 GMT -6
Venger, Just read the summer edition of Grotto Magazine www.scribd.com/doc/94990592/Grotto-Magazine-Summer-Issue and I thought 'let it go there are those with far worse luck than me'. Then you invited everyone to use the message boards so here I am putting finger to keyboard. I don't want to bore everyone with too much detail, but I'm an accountant which is a job that requires a lot of personal authority. This is something that I lack. This lack leads all kinds of shit in the office, eventually I get pissed off with them, they get pissed off with me and a couple of years later I'm looking for a new job. No one wins. Now I'm currently unemployed, I've called the last lot a pack of bastards a sufficient number of times to get things off my chest and I would really LIKE to get over it and get on with finding a worthwhile job. But how do you get over it when you know exactly the same kind of shit is going to happen in the future. As I've said, there are those with bigger problems than I've got but from what I've seen in life is that peoples problems keep on repeating themselves in cycles throughout their lives and its hard to get over something when you know you've got it ahead of you. I'm sure you meant well in your article but I think it should be taken as a first step and the second step being for each of us to make up our minds exactly what it is about us that's causing the same repeating problems in our own lives. There's a difference between moving past emotional damage and making beneficial changes to one's life. The article was more about the former than the latter. However, they both require self-examination.
At least it sounds like you figured out what the problem is - you lack "personal authority"... whatever that is. Fixing the problem is your next step, as you mentioned. So, what's preventing you from having this personal authority? Do you not have enough confidence? Are you insecure? Is your personality meek or timid by nature? All of these things can be changed once you decide to change them.
The third step, for those who need it, is to seek outside help. Aside from my motivational life coaching, I would recommend reading Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. It's a bit dated, but still highly recommended. Of course, self-help is only one route. The Fourth Way is another form of assistance. You could also talk about your issues with a licensed therapist.
For me, that article was about pretentious outsiders: people who intentionally distance themselves from humanity, sometimes referring to themselves as one of "the elite", because they have undetected emotional damage. You have found the effect, but do you know the cause of yours, Araqiel? Tell me, why don't you have "personal authority"?
Awake!
VS
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Post by sin on May 30, 2012 11:59:01 GMT -6
I didn't misunderstand the aspect of identifying the authentic outsider, based on this feedback it sounded as if this reader also had attachment issues, perhaps the cause for being unemployed at this time?
Adding to your reinforced advice. Managing your attachment is a way to use your personal authority (power). CS
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Post by araqiel on May 30, 2012 23:22:32 GMT -6
Cora'Sahn since you've been considerate enough to offer advice to me, a complete stranger, then it's a safe bet you've offered similar advice to your co-worker, correct ?
I'm sure we can both agree that if your coworker was able to be more relaxed your office would run just that little bit better, she probably realises this as well.
Generally I'm pretty good at working stuff out but this is a tough one and my gut tells me it going to be a case of unlearning something, probably some attitude, that is unconsciously sabotaging my efforts.
Venger, as stated in the first paragraph of your reply, your article was taken on board by me in a way not quite as intended by you, which left me with the impression that your article was out of touch when it was not. I take my criticism back.
Telling you why I don't have personal authority is going to be the easy bit. Telling myself why I don't have it is going to be the hard bit. My siblings have the problem worse than I do so it's likely something to do with upbringing.
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Post by sin on May 31, 2012 9:28:42 GMT -6
Correct. On a number of occasions. Also, it doesn't mean that I am immune to 'stress', I just do my best to be aware of my surroundings, the circumstances, and when I feel my blood boil, count myself down and shake myself out of it.
Today, is a perfect example. As I stated, we forget ourselves. This same co-worker had an unreasonable request. I tried to rationalize it with her, but she insisted. In her frustration about our employment circumstance, she feels powerless. As a result, she tends to see me as having more power than she does. I can no more force our employer to take actions she desires than she can. Again, she insisted. I talked with her a few moments before getting to that point of 'boil', and hung up on her. So you see? I'm not immune, shit happens. I got over it. Shit happens to me, I got over myself. I took a few deep breaths, and informed our employer of her request. He blew it off, as I suspected, but I sent her a courtesy email informing her that I did *try* on her behalf.
Yes, and No. Our 'circumstances' are unique due to the Chapter 7 issue and the decline of this corporation. It is what it is, we just have to roll with the punches.
Bingo! That's what I was referring to. I know the position you are in, trust me. So when you get that next opportunity, you can say affirmations in your head that puts yourself at ease so you don't get to that point of anger again, and lash out causing you to lose your job. Believe me, it's easy to do over and over again. Unless of course you are sitting on a bank of Fuck You money
These are just some coping tools being offered. You do have power, even when you feel powerless. Keeping yourself on point, is using that power you don't believe you have. BELIEF IS REALITY.
When the stars are right...
CS
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 1, 2012 5:45:22 GMT -6
More feedback from the front (FB, actually):Hello, Venger. Just read your article on outsiders, from Grotto Magazine. I have to agree with you, even if I wonder if I personally fall into the first category. What I like about reading what you write is the long introspection I'm prompted towards. Anyway, it was a great read. Stay on the Outside! ~ Antonio Ortawww.scribd.com/doc/94990592/Grotto-Magazine-Summer-IssueI'm glad Grotto Magazine is picking up some steam. Anyone else want to comment on my article or any other? Go right ahead!
By His loathsome tentacles,
VS
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Post by sin on Jun 1, 2012 8:32:12 GMT -6
The first issue, was about half of what was promised. Some people just blew off deadlines or just flaked out. After I released it as a sample, I think people began to realize the value of such a project. At this point, there's more interested readers than there are contributors but I'm getting a faster turn-around of people who do want to contribute but a willingness doesn't always equate to ability.
It had over 323 reads in less than 3 days (released 5/27). It's currently at 456.
In order to publish any reviews, I need the reader's expressed permission, name, city/state/country. So if you have any more on FB, tag me, or send them an email to have it expressed in writing.
Thanks!
CS
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