|
Post by sugarubies on Oct 5, 2011 17:17:57 GMT -6
We are undergoing an enlightened period in our existence. The evidence is absolutely everywhere, permeating relentlessly through our friends, family, media and even politics and is so undeniable, to think we are special in this experience is foolish. This is becoming my view on awakening to our spiritual power as humans. As these ideas slowly take shape, I am reading a bit more about science, music and tangible materials to influence the awakening process, not only in myself, but as to seek evidence for others, as if to deliver food for thought on a silver platter to the sleepy drones that I teach.
My recent personal experiences have brought me somewhere I have least expected and the shock has me reeling. A few weeks ago, I was inspired by a documentary, The Awakening by Max Igan. It was produced to help awaken the masses. However, I began to meditate on the idea of focusing my conscious energy to project onto others that it's time to wake up to their own powers. This involved nothing but pure concentrated energy pushed outward from my body through my chest - in public amongst stangers. After 30 minutes on the crowded metro at 8 in the morning, I felt exhilarated and refused to think of any possible outcome or reward from my labor. It felt as though I had an intense meditation session without the reflection and satisfaction which generally follows. Feeling particularly powerful that day, I fed on it and continued like this for several days and read all I could find (and understand) about quantum physics and vibrations in matter. I've been interested in this in relation to matter or reality manipulation for some time.
Then I began to notice something odd. I am beginning to lose my palate for anything with a dark edge to it. Having taken the utmost pleasure in some of the darkest literature, films, discussions, music, mythology, histories, etc from a young age, this feeling is as alien to me as church on Sunday morning. I can't currently stand to listen to some kinds of music (power noise/speedcore, rap, electronic music - which are all genres I often listen to when relaxing at home) and when I went to choose a book for reading material before I left the house I literally cringed at my fiction section comprised of mostly horror, science fiction and fantasy. I've had to shut off dozens of movies, music tracks, parody clips, videos and I couldn't even read a few articles because of the content. I am feeling extremely nauseous, minor lightning type flashes behind the eyes, then I see red for a moment - but only after the thought of viewing, listening to, or thinking about something dark, demonic, or violent in nature.
What has happened to me? Am I possessed? Has a demon of light entered my body taken control? Have I reprogrammed myself or inadvertently brainwashed myself? I am a strong and powerful force in my own right, but I feel as though someone has knocked me off balance and I cannot regain proper footing. I am not fighting the sensations, but they last only a second. I am an observer of this phenomenon. I only wonder how long it will last and what has caused it.
Does anyone have any ideas? Any and all would be much appreciated.
|
|
|
Post by sin on Oct 5, 2011 18:31:17 GMT -6
It sounds to me, as if the content of the film was more compelling that you are willing to admit. Inspiration, is a catalyst for personal change. Personal change, often comes at the weirdest times, in the strangest of ways.
I had a real taste for metal music when I was young and completely grew out of it. I was okay with the change, but some changes were so strange - that I NEVER imagined I would change in such a way.
Perhaps the conundrum here, is accepting that something touched you so deeply you will not be the same because of it. As you observe others changing, remember you too will change.
|
|
|
Post by talek on Oct 6, 2011 0:33:45 GMT -6
Thank you for sharing your experience, you are not alone. This is to me what the Cult is all about, transformations, where we are, what has taken place, and where do we want to go, we are in control, make no mistake we are in control of our own personal lifes, dark times happen, it is how we experience these and how we react, and how we move forward, no one or thing has captured my life, and no one or thing ever will. You are among fellow Cultist and friends here, for this is the Cult of Cthulhu!Our Priestess is the best and I trust her guidance. This is the reason why I am here to share with others my experiences and to move forward. Thank you sugarubies for I have experienced similar.
Talek Esoteric Herald of the Old Gods Cult of Cthulhu
|
|
|
Post by sugarubies on Oct 6, 2011 0:54:01 GMT -6
An eloquent response, as usual, Cora'Sahn, thank you. I know this truth. I just wonder if there is more to it, or if someone has any insights into the mind which would assist with the somewhat painful disappointment with not being able to listen to some fantastic music or read the news - which makes me feel very ill. This intolerance stretches into my research on esoteric and philosophical matters as well. Any text leading to the destruction of people or the fragility of the mind is intuitively rejected practically against my will and if I command myself to continue, I begin to feel nauseous.
I have to run, but I have to admit my thoughts have become less coherent and it's difficult to concentrate. I apologize if my ramblings sound juvenile. I am a teacher, so this is a very sore spot for me right now and I'm trying to overcome these new and sudden issues.
I command you, AWAKE!
|
|
|
Post by sin on Oct 6, 2011 8:19:47 GMT -6
You asked if you were possessed. Even if it was a rhetorical, the question should be examined in a number of ways.
Possession, is always voluntary. What you have invoked inside of you, could very well be a seed you foster to grow every day. It may be the very thing which is repelling your normal likes to music, movie genres and the overall aesthetic.
Some may call this invocation the Green Flame, The Pearl, The Calling, etc. No matter the name or conceptual modeling being used, things will never be the same. You are seeing with new eyes, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching all with new senses.
These essays may be of special interest to you: www.scribd.com/doc/64173198/Polaris-and-the-flaming-pearl
www.scribd.com/doc/62325768/I-Summon-and-Stir-Thee
www.scribd.com/doc/64180162/Hastur-cannot-stay
Another personal anecdote I could share, is life after pregnancy. I can recall vividly my reactions to specific news reports, after my son was born. A baby in my arms. Some news reports made me sick, while others could bring me to tears. I thought I was losing my mind, obviously it was related to the instincts of motherhood, but it was really intense and ridiculous. It took a good year or so, to get back to my normal self. Even then, I could never truly go back to what I was the year before.
Also relevant: www.blogtalkradio.com/poisonappleradio/2011/06/10/exorcism
|
|
|
Post by sugarubies on Oct 6, 2011 9:00:21 GMT -6
Thank you very much for the links. Thanks for the nod, Talek. I would be interested to hear more about your experience. You are absolutely right. There is no going back. While it's true that "the proover proves what the thinker thinks", this leap wasn't deliberate, but began back in July with an event ending in pure rage. I stepped back analysed my situation and dealt with it well. After discarding my guilt, I led a freer life.
I am also quite sure my experiments with meditating to various frequencies and pitches has had a tremendous effect on this sudden change. Under the guise of science and experimentation, I have sincerely affected the vibrations in my body and have become much, much stronger for it. Further reading has led me to some truths.
By changing my vibrations, I've activated my receptors for similar vibrations (law of attraction).
Lies, fear, anger, etc have different vibrations and the causal effect of my beloved familiar media is to invoke these vibrations. I am simply rejecting what my body's physical being can no longer tolerate.
Injustice in our crooked and poisoned world runs rampant for the benefit of choice few - this much is painfully obvious and it is gross tyranny.
A veil has been lifted from my eyes and there is no chance of replacing it.
Revolution is only possible in the heart. As our magnetic poles shift, so shall we. I'm speaking from a solid scientific view and a jolting head-spinning shove into heightened awareness. I am not alone.
I have accepted that I will no longer muse about the universe and the magic dwelling inside it. I AM this magic. Like falling in love, the feeling is exhilarating and real.
Aware that this is new to me, I can be humble and admit that perhaps this will be a passing phase, but I sincerely doubt it. It appears the paradigm has chosen me this time around.
Any thoughts, ideas or challenging questions are more than welcome. Thank you for listening/reading.
Awake!
|
|
|
Post by sin on Oct 6, 2011 9:19:57 GMT -6
It is true, you are this magic. Just as much as Satan is the poetry of the world. Our expressions, are much like energy currents. For example, in your meditations, you experimented with pitches, and methods. You didn't just pull this out of the air, you are riding a current of method - most likely formulated by another person. It was expressed to you, you in-turn were inspired to try it for yourself. Having tried it, even if not *exactly* in the same manner demonstrated, it has affected you in such a way that will resonate out from you - the magic of the universe.
Now, every expression you make is expressed differently. Even if its ever so slightly.
I can remember the effects of a Labyrinth walk I did, on a women's retreat years ago. First, you have to understand how much I had to push myself to even go to this thing. I have the most difficulty relating to women, men, are more my kindred. Women perplex me, annoy me, and I don't at all feel as though we are the same creatures (and often still don't). Second, on a women focus retreat, there is going to be a lot of hoakie stuff directly related to 'women's spirituality' and believe me, there was plenty. I laughed, I participated, but mostly felt like I was in an alien land. By the close of the weekend, we constructed a labyrinth on the beach, large enough for us to walk through. I'm a drummer and singer, so I was mainly there drumming and singing for the other women to walk through it with a tone and mood I commanded with the drum. The women were instructed to walk through it, thinking about something they wanted to leave behind, to move past, to get over. They would then leave it in the center of the labyrinth. Each woman left something to symbolize what it was they were leaving behind. We walked the beach beforehand and picked up rocks, drift wood, seashells, seaglass, that sort of thing. I'm drumming and singing, but I'm also observing. After watching the effects on each woman (15) to be exact, it was my turn. I handed the drum off to be played by someone else, and I approached the labyrinth. I had been thinking about what I wanted to leave behind myself. I really wanted to leave behind the attachment to an incident in my not so distant past. Someone had loved me so much, that they were willing to kill me to keep it. I really loved this person, may have been the only time I experienced love in my life. Or what I thought was love, it was more the ideal of love than it was being loving. I was really angry about the whole thing. Mostly, angry at myself for allowing it to escalate to an attempted murder. So I'm walking this thing, and was so overcome with emotion, I balled my eyes out. I was embarrassed initially, I mean - I'm the new chick, and I'm balling after watching 15 women walk through this thing with dignity and grace. I just said fuck it, I'm using this thing and this event for myself anyway - so I cried. By the time I got to the center, I collapsed on my knees. I didn't bring anything with me like the other girls had. So I dug a hole, I buried all that shit and snatched a necklace from my neck that was symbolic and buried it too. I'm not paying attention to the crowd of women, I'm all up in my own head. I turn around to walk out, I glance over at the women - and they are ALL crying. I thought to myself, damn, talk about a mood killer. I stood up and started walking out, I looked over to my drummer gal pal and gave her a motion to pick up the pace of the drumming. She understood and gave me a funky beat. I danced out of that thing, I smiled and I really felt that way - like woooo glad that shit is over. When I came out, I was still dancing and the other women started dancing. We danced all over that beach, stomped that labyrinth beyond recognition and we laughed. It was really good, like an emotional puke.
I don't think I was ever the same after that, at least - not in the way I was looking at myself, my situation, and even these alien women.
|
|