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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Mar 8, 2011 21:18:12 GMT -6
Well my parents (father and stepmother) have recently incited me to their house for supper... The reason I'm bringing this up is, I fucking hate my father and stepmother and will most likely have a hollow grin on my face while thinking bad things about them. I really don't think the fourth way is about this kind of negativity and wanted suggestions on how to avoid it...
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Post by jasonsorrell on Mar 8, 2011 22:50:15 GMT -6
Well my parents (father and stepmother) have recently incited me to their house for supper... The reason I'm bringing this up is, I fucking hate my father and stepmother and will most likely have a hollow grin on my face while thinking bad things about them. I really don't think the fourth way is about this kind of negativity and wanted suggestions on how to avoid it... You are aware of it and want to avoid it. That is step one. Next is to bare in mind that they are not causing what you are feeling. Your feelings are inside you, and you are choosing to respond to your parents negatively. They are just machines... they do what they do. It is your choice to feel any way about what they do, good or bad. The goal is to maintain internal consistency. For the time being, your effort should be only to not express your negativity. Ideally, you don't want to feel it either, but for now simply do not express it. One strategy I used was to be aware of the potential triggers that exist in a given situation that my default response was to be negative. You can kind of map out the situation in your mind, and be aware of those triggers. You can choose, in advance, not to respond outwardly to those events. Emotions move faster than thought, and you cannot prepare for everything. Another strategy may be to keep in mind that your parents might wish to instigate a negative reaction from you. Choose not to satisfy their need for that in advance. Knowing that they might want or expect a negative emotion might make it easier for you to choose not to indulge them. You begin by trying to limit your expression of negative emotions to prevent the waste of energy involved and to demonstrate to yourself that you control your emotional response. Controlling their outward expression often involves internal adjustment... this leads to avoiding identification and internal consideration. The goal is, again, to be internally consistent and self-defined. These ideas have been presented repeatedly in this order intentionally. It is easier to build toward the goal rather than trying to demand instant success.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2011 1:29:33 GMT -6
jasonsorrell is right.
You should go to this supper ; Rejoice because this is a excellent opportunity to test and apply your knowledge.
My advice : Don't identify with yourself, go and observe.
Don't worry, be happy, make efforts !
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Mar 9, 2011 23:11:52 GMT -6
So if I got this right, I should just handle this by not allowing this confrontation to really get to me then? Simply going and observing, but nothing more? I see... Well perhaps a detached approach is warranted then? Don't react, but simply observe myself doing what I do? That's my proposal. Let me know what ya'll think...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2011 1:14:59 GMT -6
So if I got this right, I should just handle this by not allowing this confrontation to really get to me then? Simply going and observing, but nothing more? I see... Well perhaps a detached approach is warranted then? Don't react, but simply observe myself doing what I do? That's my proposal. Let me know what ya'll think... That's it. Beware of negativity and it will be very instructing.
Hail Cthulhu !
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Post by jasonsorrell on Mar 10, 2011 8:48:45 GMT -6
So if I got this right, I should just handle this by not allowing this confrontation to really get to me then? Simply going and observing, but nothing more? I see... Well perhaps a detached approach is warranted then? Don't react, but simply observe myself doing what I do? That's my proposal. Let me know what ya'll think... That is correct, to an extent. Like Yrreiht is saying, this is an opportunity for you to learn by observing yourself. They will no doubt say something that could lead to you feeling anger... if you choose to. Expressing the anger will only feed into their perspective of you... it will only serve their expectations. The goal is to remain internally consistent; you are you no matter what is going on outside of you. Through observation, you will see how you habitually respond to whatever your parents throw at you, and how it is your choice to externalize that response. Right now, your external response is as much a habit as your internal one, but you can change that as well. In time, you might conclude that your external response may not have any value, or at least not the value you hope. You might choose that the internal response you mechanically have developed has no value what-so-ever, and choose to stop responding at all internally, merely noting the exchange objectively and then allowing yourself to choose a response based on your Awareness of what will be effective for both yourself and your parents (External Consideration). That kind of Understanding requires a great deal of Observation. In the meantime, I guess you should try to go for "Zen" responses; non-committal and non-confrontational. "Whatever." "If you say so." "I suppose." Your parents might still lose it. They are machines. You can choose not to be.
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Mar 10, 2011 16:39:23 GMT -6
Indeed! While I don't think I'm awake yet, I still have a greater level of control then they do. So I guess the ideal approach would be to take it as a learning experience. To grow and progress rather than crumble and fall at my own over-emotional zeal... I must remain detached and simply take it as it comes. To think of myself as an observer to my life in this instance as opposed to a direct participant.
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Mar 12, 2011 16:02:41 GMT -6
The zero hour approaches... Wish me luck!
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Post by boksmutant on Mar 12, 2011 21:21:20 GMT -6
This is the problem that forces us(the human race) all a part in the end. How many times have we relied on "pre-programed responses" to pull us through in the end. We prepare & act in accordance with how we think we will be received & responded too. All of it learned & programed, none of it free flowing or allowing for decision, just you using the worlds teachings to respond to the world you find your self in. A horrible circle that perpetuates itself on slavery of the will, of the decision. ha ha.
Allow yourself to experience this moment you will share with your folks as a neutral ground, a place that will not be attacked or retreated upon by pre programed ideas, but merely absorbed. Funny that we all come across points like this in our lives. It happens probably by the minute lol.
This is a bit late fonetik2003, but how did it go?
Awake!
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Post by Cain Da'arnesh on Mar 12, 2011 21:37:39 GMT -6
Well it went better than I thought... I actually took a page from Peter J. Carrol (one of my favorite occult writers) and fought off the negativity with laughter. Laughter is completely neutral you understand. Basically, I spent the night making fun of everyone. And they all laughed with me! It was actually quite interesting to watch...
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