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Post by eldritchentity0 on Jul 29, 2008 12:54:58 GMT -6
for few times I could've sworn to god that I was ok.But now I am not, my mind has went completely insane.I have lost my faith in just about everything that seems to be "normal" or things i thought that would work in the "normal" and "natural" way are not working, what is going on? I am confused, yet beginning to see the absurdity of it all. All the "real gods" or the gods I thought were real are fading into the void...
Is the Great Old Ones like forces that are from outside but are found within us? This is truely a maddening universe! And very very bizarred and strange how much of this that works.
Its like nothing seems to "appeal" to me from within except this darkness.To be honest, sometimes i wished there was certain "order." But i am just like, blank and confused, and shattered.
It seems to me the Great Old Ones are somewhat related as Gods that exist within and we are like a portal (shamans,magicians,etc.) to bring that OUT ...
I can no longer find the Great Old Ones outside of myself but have pushed themselves half way into my consciousness....
Is this a sign of the process of transformation? a crisis of faith?
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Post by luxcthonis on Jul 29, 2008 14:43:39 GMT -6
for few times I could've sworn to god that I was ok.But now I am not, my mind has went completely insane.I have lost my faith in just about everything that seems to be "normal" or things i thought that would work in the "normal" and "natural" way are not working, what is going on? I am confused, yet beginning to see the absurdity of it all. All the "real gods" or the gods I thought were real are fading into the void... Is the Great Old Ones like forces that are from outside but are found within us? This is truely a maddening universe! And very very bizarred and strange how much of this that works. Its like nothing seems to "appeal" to me from within except this darkness.To be honest, sometimes i wished there was certain "order." But i am just like, blank and confused, and shattered. It seems to me the Great Old Ones are somewhat related as Gods that exist within and we are like a portal (shamans,magicians,etc.) to bring that OUT ... I can no longer find the Great Old Ones outside of myself but have pushed themselves half way into my consciousness.... Is this a sign of the process of transformation? a crisis of faith? There is much speculation on whether the A:O are subjective or objective influences, and the common consensus here is that they are both. I completely understand how it is, or can be, both simultaneously; that the A:O exist externally, as well as internally. I do, however, believe that there has been much needless complication of that fact; but that is merely my own surmising. It is my belief that the A:O are real, physical, touchable beings which exist without us, in the arcane cosmos. The inward link is simply the calling of the Blood, the fact that our DNA is linked with the Old Ones. I've gone through my own crises of faith as of late, but there are certain doctrines at the foundation which remain steady no matter how the structure may be shaken. Iao, ~H.
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Madguten
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Woe, to he who hears the howling
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Post by Madguten on Jul 29, 2008 15:29:00 GMT -6
Yes, it is in root a very deep question, one which answer comes from within (i think).
About that. I think that what you experience might be stress related. People get stressed, period. And when stress really kicks in with the depression maybe even anxiety attacks. Then there is only one thing to do. Take a step back. Sit down, relax. Treat your body and your mind. No problems. No unnecessary responsibilities.
And let yourself get up again, it takes time. Stress is exhaustion. Sometimes it is created by things out of our control but sometimes it is NOT. Stress is like dehydration. When dehydration hits, it means you should have drunk long ago and it will take a while before the liquid heals your strength. Thus is it also with stress. One must hang in and heal oneself.
Get enough sleep. Get enough food. Dont over think. Dont over internet. Just try to take a spiritual/philosophical vacation. Watch tv. Spend time with others. Company can help (it did for me at least). Treat your being well for a while (im not kidding, stress is a serious thing, i believe that in order to get a healthy growth (spiritually, that is) we must be like turtle, not like the rabbit. I believe that in this way, we will get the furthest)
Real heavy stress feels like one is going mad. But one is not. One must remember this. Its just a matter of hanging in and healing. The questions are still there, but one can better answer them when one is whole/full again.
I cannot say if you are experiencing stress or not, it just sounds like what i felt in my stress period some years ago. Very much so.
After it had faded, it made me stronger.
And once it was better, i was also better equipped to avoid it in the future.
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Post by Yevathik on Jul 29, 2008 16:58:21 GMT -6
One of the primary ways to recieve the call is through dreams. Obviously, dreams occur in our own minds, but are they not occasionally influenced by outside forces? And dreams will, on rare occasion, depict events in the real world that have not yet occurred. The fact is that "objective" and "subjective" reality are so deeply intertwined even at shallow levels that the sleeping people could notice.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jul 29, 2008 20:14:31 GMT -6
One of the primary ways to recieve the call is through dreams. Obviously, dreams occur in our own minds, but are they not occasionally influenced by outside forces? And dreams will, on rare occasion, depict events in the real world that have not yet occurred. The fact is that "objective" and "subjective" reality are so deeply intertwined even at shallow levels that the sleeping people could notice. As an extension of this thought I would like to relate the following: I have found through prolonged use that THC is a veritable dream-inhibitor. I do not know if its this way for everyone, but I have asked many of my friends who are also heavy Cannabis smokers if they dream, to which they responded in the negative. I have stopped smoking sometimes for intervals of several months, and during those THC-free months I can say with an amount of confidence that my dreaming was highly benefited by abstaining from it. Just wanted to throw this out there; if you are a smoker, and your dreaming has gone downhill, that is a definite possibility as to why.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jul 29, 2008 20:16:13 GMT -6
Yes, it is in root a very deep question, one which answer comes from within (i think). About that. I think that what you experience might be stress related. People get stressed, period. And when stress really kicks in with the depression maybe even anxiety attacks. Then there is only one thing to do. Take a step back. Sit down, relax. Treat your body and your mind. No problems. No unnecessary responsibilities. And let yourself get up again, it takes time. Stress is exhaustion. Sometimes it is created by things out of our control but sometimes it is NOT. Stress is like dehydration. When dehydration hits, it means you should have drunk long ago and it will take a while before the liquid heals your strength. Thus is it also with stress. One must hang in and heal oneself. Get enough sleep. Get enough food. Dont over think. Dont over internet. Just try to take a spiritual/philosophical vacation. Watch tv. Spend time with others. Company can help (it did for me at least). Treat your being well for a while (im not kidding, stress is a serious thing, i believe that in order to get a healthy growth (spiritually, that is) we must be like turtle, not like the rabbit. I believe that in this way, we will get the furthest) Real heavy stress feels like one is going mad. But one is not. One must remember this. Its just a matter of hanging in and healing. The questions are still there, but one can better answer them when one is whole/full again. I cannot say if you are experiencing stress or not, it just sounds like what i felt in my stress period some years ago. Very much so. After it had faded, it made me stronger. And once it was better, i was also better equipped to avoid it in the future. Lots of wisdom here, great post and good advice!
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Post by I AM the Way on Jul 29, 2008 21:29:53 GMT -6
yes and yes. others may disagree, and i could be wrong, but what you've described sounds like the breakdown. the realization that there is only the void. dwell in it. cherish it. and most of all... remember it.
yes, the one is often mistaken for the other. in the magician's eye, objective and subjective slowly become one.
Venger As'Nas Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priest
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Post by ravenraybill on Aug 1, 2008 14:40:05 GMT -6
for few times I could've sworn to god that I was ok.But now I am not, my mind has went completely insane.I have lost my faith in just about everything that seems to be "normal" or things i thought that would work in the "normal" and "natural" way are not working, what is going on? I am confused, yet beginning to see the absurdity of it all. All the "real gods" or the gods I thought were real are fading into the void... eldritchentity - It sounds like you know whether it's a crisis. You have to ask yourself whether it's any kind of desirable process of personal transformation. yes and yes. others may disagree, and i could be wrong, but what you've described sounds like the breakdown. the realization that there is only the void. dwell in it. cherish it. and most of all... remember it.Venger - Forgive a simple question, but why would you dwell in or cherish the void?
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 1, 2008 23:42:38 GMT -6
that is a superb question, raven. why dwell in or cherish the void? because it is the beginning. it is the ending. it nullifies any and all illusions.
Venger As'Nas Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priest
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Post by Lord Void Bharam'ka on Aug 2, 2008 18:45:02 GMT -6
hey eldritchentity0
you might want to look up some Carl Jung and the process of individuation.
it'll help
trust me
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Grim
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Wondering Wanderer.
Posts: 13
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Post by Grim on Aug 5, 2008 1:25:32 GMT -6
I have experienced nothing as...all-encompassing as eldritchentity has, but I too feel I am slowly going down this path.
The more I work, the deeper I study, the more I feel it. At first I dismissed it as psychosomatic, but as time has gone on I now believe it is a direct effect of the A:O. It still comes in brief bursts...things I'm certain I see or hear or smell that no one else present does, strange insights or outside thoughts, even stranger dreams. Not long ago I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and there was a figure seated beside my bed, I was fully awake and saw it very clearly...it remained very visible for a few moments, seeming quite tangible and real. Then it didn't so much vanish as it seemed to dissolve. This shook me greatly, as I was left with certain knowledge that I had been visited by...something.
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Madguten
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Post by Madguten on Aug 5, 2008 3:46:34 GMT -6
I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and there was a figure seated beside my bed,
Sounds to me like you have the dreamsight (thats what I call it anyway). It is odd how a dream can hang on, in front of ones vision and then dissolve. It is much different from sleep paralysis which is not so fun.
It happened to me a lot when i was a child, it shaped me.(dreamsight NOT SP ;D)
Once i woke from a dream where i had apparently speared someone. I was still holding the spear and i could feel the resistance weight of the speared figure (which i could also see) and i could feel the figure turning into nothing until (no lie) i could feel and hear the spear fall through the body onto the ground. There was no spear and no figure.
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Post by ravenraybill on Aug 8, 2008 14:21:35 GMT -6
that is a superb question, raven. why dwell in or cherish the void? because it is the beginning. it is the ending. it nullifies any and all illusions.
Is the void itself illusion?
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 8, 2008 22:09:55 GMT -6
the void is anti-illusion.
VS
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Post by ravenraybill on Aug 8, 2008 23:12:42 GMT -6
That doesn't make any sense to me. Is the void reality then? If that's the case, then why even call it the void?
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Madguten
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Post by Madguten on Aug 9, 2008 3:55:09 GMT -6
Because that is what it is, a void.
The void exists regardless if we behold it or not.
It is in our sight/vision that the illusion is caused, not in the void.
Is the void reality? Yes, but reality is more than the void.
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 9, 2008 13:35:45 GMT -6
well said, Madguten.
for my own detailed exegesis on the subject, you'll have to acquire the new book i'm working on. it deals with the void, the apocalypse, and individual ascension. probably 2009.
VS
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Post by Lord Void Bharam'ka on Aug 9, 2008 16:45:14 GMT -6
Because that is what it is, a void. The void exists regardless if we behold it or not. It is in our sight/vision that the illusion is caused, not in the void. Is the void reality? Yes, but reality is more than the void. hey ravenraybill, It sounds like a bunch of contradictory double talk, right? But from my studies and experience that's the way it is. Contradictions... Duality encompassed in Non-Duality. It's a mother fucker to wrap your head around. But when you finally do it'll click and all fall into place. I know we sound kinda crazy but once you truely experience it you'll get it.
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Post by carnalkiller9 on Jun 4, 2009 15:57:39 GMT -6
for few times I could've sworn to god that I was ok.But now I am not, my mind has went completely insane.I have lost my faith in just about everything that seems to be "normal" or things i thought that would work in the "normal" and "natural" way are not working, what is going on? I am confused, yet beginning to see the absurdity of it all. All the "real gods" or the gods I thought were real are fading into the void... Is the Great Old Ones like forces that are from outside but are found within us? This is truely a maddening universe! And very very bizarred and strange how much of this that works. Its like nothing seems to "appeal" to me from within except this darkness.To be honest, sometimes i wished there was certain "order." But i am just like, blank and confused, and shattered. It seems to me the Great Old Ones are somewhat related as Gods that exist within and we are like a portal (shamans,magicians,etc.) to bring that OUT ... I can no longer find the Great Old Ones outside of myself but have pushed themselves half way into my consciousness.... Is this a sign of the process of transformation? a crisis of faith? We are all a little crazy deep down friend, me however i was insane at birth LMFAO
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Post by Draelloathe on Jun 4, 2009 16:46:03 GMT -6
As I used to say, Sanity is for the weak. After all, it is not until you break down the barriers (and that's the point of magic) that you reach enlightenment.
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Post by sorrowking on Jun 5, 2009 10:01:00 GMT -6
I agree. Sanity is after all just a fleeting thing. If we dressed as we do now back just 50 years ago we would have been locked up as nutters. Sanity is relative to passing trends in society. Its the insane that shape the future of this world. Be a nutso freak and be proud. I know I am
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Post by glade on Jun 8, 2009 6:14:22 GMT -6
Am I a fucktoid because within the cult I have my own beliefs and thoughts about the present and future, enslavement, order of business, sheeple.
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Madguten
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Woe, to he who hears the howling
Posts: 2,785
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Post by Madguten on Jun 12, 2009 2:38:36 GMT -6
The mind is a wonderful and terrible thing to taste, lol
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Post by glade on Jun 12, 2009 7:31:05 GMT -6
tis true tis true. it's wasted almost everyday. too many distractions and misplaced priorities.
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Post by azazel218 on Jul 17, 2009 2:38:58 GMT -6
It may not be the case for most of you but those unfit to dwell in the black flame will not experience illumination but terrifying darkness. That may be the source of some of these problems.
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Post by R'phanaot on Jul 21, 2009 18:13:34 GMT -6
Interesting discussion thread. It made me think of a fascinating article on one of my favorite websites that discusses if perhaps those of us who are considered "abnormal" may be the only truely sane ones! The Total Perspective Vortex www.damninteresting.com/the-total-perspective-vortex
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Post by sin on Jul 22, 2009 7:14:05 GMT -6
Makes me think of the ecstasy of madness. Ever see the movie, 'Event Horizon' All the things experienced after the EH is reached, and crossed - is the ecstasy of madness. Movie quote: "I AM home" love that frickin' movie. In madness I dwell.
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Post by Sarak G'hash on Jul 22, 2009 7:53:12 GMT -6
Ok i have a bunch of people to send the link to this article to...lol...including my own kids!!! Turns out ol granny isn't quiet as crazy and they thought she was.. ;D
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Post by R'phanaot on Jul 22, 2009 15:41:39 GMT -6
Makes me think of the ecstasy of madness. Ever see the movie, 'Event Horizon' All the things experienced after the EH is reached, and crossed - is the ecstasy of madness. Movie quote: "I AM home" love that frickin' movie. In madness I dwell. Haven't seen Event Horizon for some time. It had a powerful draw on me, one i found to be terrifying, repulsive, and yet terrifically engaging and more than a little erotic to me. I'll have to find a copy and watch it again...in the dark!
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Post by I AM the Way on Jul 23, 2009 9:47:30 GMT -6
you mean Hellraiser in space? yeah, that is a fantastic film. but is it better than Prince of Darkness? aye, there's the rub.
VS
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