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Post by jameson on Dec 20, 2006 13:42:29 GMT -6
I have finally awakened to the truth.The gods are dead,long live my blaspheme of them all.This skin,pleasure everything is wasted energy.There is no beyond or beneath,just this concrete shit we have been fed.There is no escapism,no need for anything.Magick is but a delusion for the sleeping mind.
How I rue the day this came to my awareness but it gets worse.I exist only to feel the uncontrolled anger.I am only free when entirely consumed.
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 20, 2006 14:57:05 GMT -6
sound like you have a bi-polar personality. this can often lead to an "all or nothing" love/hate relationship with certain ideas.
i'd start by realizing that it is not "you" who's making these decisions... decisions such as this is true, that is not. it is your mechanical "I's" that are deciding. first you must realize that you are asleep, then effort in self-observation will be fruitful...
but a half dozen posts in various areas of the forum about your paradigm collapse probably won't give you much clarity.
Venger Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priestwww.CultofCthulhu.net
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Post by jameson on Dec 20, 2006 15:13:03 GMT -6
My apologies,its been an on off thing,im aware of only who I am one day and what I become the next.The change is not apparent until I realize how much I hate what I was.I must take the next step to aquiring control over this.
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Post by poofulu on Dec 21, 2006 4:08:05 GMT -6
i'd start by realizing that it is not "you" who's making these decisions... decisions such as this is true, that is not. it is your mechanical "I's" that are deciding. Please could you explain more about the mechanical 'I's, Venger, it sounds very interesting
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Post by setnacht on Dec 21, 2006 5:04:02 GMT -6
Damn, Jameson, life must be kind of a hell to you!! Always tossed to and fro.
Setnacht
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Post by jameson on Dec 21, 2006 10:05:20 GMT -6
We have made a pact (the two dominant personas in sigilized form.I realize there were two things we shared in common already (the strnght of lucid dream as well as the tendency to hold unto a sigil/sketch of a woman's face (servitor) and as such we created another bridge.My personal desire is that as we cycle that we may be able to work together with a type of synergy instead of opposing one another.
It seems as though my head is stuck in Thaumiel,the opposing forces within the tree of death.If I can work with this different and less controlled self through the use of pacts,I have no doubt we may create something capitalizing only on our strengths.
I realize a less controlled slef is just as advantageous in some situations as a well calculated and mindful self.It may also be a result of the ongoing experiments with multiplicity in the past.
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 21, 2006 11:38:41 GMT -6
well a magician has to deal with a certain amount of instability. that just goes with the territory... the dangerous part of magic that i was talking to you about earlier.
sometimes i don't know where my mind is at or how far i'm going into the abyss... or even whether that's a good idea!
but i usually try to take these divergent inner opinions, the many "I's", with a grain of salt. i might acknowlege that they are there, but i don't "give voice" to them. i don't express them, i keep them to myself and observe them for a time until i can balance myself, find my magnetic center again. only then do i take action.
does this make sense?
VS
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 21, 2006 11:52:59 GMT -6
sure thing. this idea does not come from me, it is part of the Fourth Way which i discovered back around 1997, during my 2 year stint as a Temple of Set member.
the most important concepts of the 4th way are these:
1. human beings are not awake, they are asleep. steps can be taken to remedy this. self-observation is the most important.
2. human beings are not whole, they are divided. inside each person is a multitude of "I's". and most do not know each other. they simply are there and have different desires. so when we say "I", as in 'I want to have spaghetti tonight'... this "I" is not us. because two minutes later, another "I" comes up and speaks its mind saying, 'actually, i'd rather have hamburgers'.
and we, as human beings, justify this to ourselves. we have many buffers which protect one "I" from another. as i said, most of our "I's" don't realize they are not the only one.
in my personal understanding of the 4th way, i group "I's" into three categories: those that want to work, those that want to play, and those that want to disrupt work. the first group is best. these are the "I's" which want you to progress and become greater than you already are. if you get enough of these "I's" and let them know about each other, then this is your magnetic center. this is where work starts.
3. humans are plagued by "bad imagination", believing they have something that they do not have... wakefulness and singularity. humans also express negative emotions way too much. these drain your energy and keep you from being Awake.
this is a general overview of the 4th way esoteric teaching. i always try to incorporate this into the Cthulhu/Satan Left Hand Path ideas of this Cthulhu Cult. there are several books on the 4th way, and i go into greater detail in the upcoming Cult of Cthulhu bible as well.
if you have further questions, just post them here or on the Fourth Way board.
Venger Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priestwww.CultofCthulhu.net
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Post by jameson on Dec 21, 2006 17:31:40 GMT -6
So the key here is seperating the Is that disrupt and destroying them.Then one can take the creative Is and the working Is AND PLACE THEM TOGETHER.This way this group may work together to carry out a function with no disruption.In theory its great,would symbols and visualizations work?
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 21, 2006 18:30:54 GMT -6
magical aspects come later. first observe your I's and try to discover which are good, bad, and indifferent.
VS
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