Post by alhazred on Jul 19, 2009 18:27:06 GMT -6
I know that, beyond a doubt, my calling happened at a young age. Why? Because it was that fateful day in which the word Cthulhu (at the time "KUTULU") ever entered my realm of awareness. I will save you all from a long a potentially boring story of what had led up to the events of that night though. How it had happened however, still appears to me, to this day, to be nothing less than a "calling". I don't remember exactly when I began finding myself interested in the occult to such a degree as I was then (though it has grown far more now), or when it was that I had officially stopped being "Christian" (although it feels that I never really was seeing as it always felt WRONG in every sense, and I never believed the crap they tried to spoon feed me), but on a certain day, at the age of 13, I had been wandering through a book store without knowing why I had even decided to go there. I ended up finding myself in a section that seemed out of the ordinary simply by the fact that there had been no books on the shelf period. It was strange because up until reaching that aisle, it felt as if i was in a daze, or preoccupied with something else, but when I noticed the aisle I ended up in, that daze instantly vanished and I looked up to see but one single book on the any of the shelves that made that aisle. It was the Simon Necronomicon.
I was only 13, and largely ignorant, having only ever read the Goetia, and a few other similar texts. So this book was completely foreign to me, as was anything pertaining to it, YET it felt very intimately familiar. Without thinking too much about it, I had grabbed the book and took it to the counter to purchase it, only to be given it for free. The clerk had said that the book did not belong to the store, but that nobody had come to claim it as thiers, and it being only 30 minutes until they closed, they said there would be nothing wrong with me having it since it apparently would not be missed.
I read that book feverishly, again and again, and everything in it just resonated with me so much, despite me having never known of any of the things within it up until that point.
Now some may argue that the Simon Necronomicon was just a fake, but that is beside the point. It was the names within it that held the significance, and since that day, I had been pursuing it, and always felt it, dreamt it, and have grown simply from the awareness of Cthulhu.
I found this group during the continuing journey I have been taking down that avenue, and through that of "satanism" (I use quotes for the sake that the term has such a variety of meaning from person to person). I apologize that I did not express this sooner, but there was a sort of apprehension that I had had about making myself known amongst this group.. I suppose some sort of sense of inferiority in comparison to the others here, and to Venger himself, but nevertheless, I've read as many of the E-Books that I have been able to get ahold of, and still continue to walk this path, and so I guess you could consider this testimony of my having been Called the next step that I needed to take.
I was only 13, and largely ignorant, having only ever read the Goetia, and a few other similar texts. So this book was completely foreign to me, as was anything pertaining to it, YET it felt very intimately familiar. Without thinking too much about it, I had grabbed the book and took it to the counter to purchase it, only to be given it for free. The clerk had said that the book did not belong to the store, but that nobody had come to claim it as thiers, and it being only 30 minutes until they closed, they said there would be nothing wrong with me having it since it apparently would not be missed.
I read that book feverishly, again and again, and everything in it just resonated with me so much, despite me having never known of any of the things within it up until that point.
Now some may argue that the Simon Necronomicon was just a fake, but that is beside the point. It was the names within it that held the significance, and since that day, I had been pursuing it, and always felt it, dreamt it, and have grown simply from the awareness of Cthulhu.
I found this group during the continuing journey I have been taking down that avenue, and through that of "satanism" (I use quotes for the sake that the term has such a variety of meaning from person to person). I apologize that I did not express this sooner, but there was a sort of apprehension that I had had about making myself known amongst this group.. I suppose some sort of sense of inferiority in comparison to the others here, and to Venger himself, but nevertheless, I've read as many of the E-Books that I have been able to get ahold of, and still continue to walk this path, and so I guess you could consider this testimony of my having been Called the next step that I needed to take.