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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 9, 2008 14:05:24 GMT -6
Ive been having strange dreams recently that from a Freudian sense are direct references to the female genitalia.This is unusual because as of recently I no longer find women too appealing.I prefer extremely effeminate trannies with well pronounced, well I wont go there.Nonetheless the dreams persist.
A few nights ago I'm laying down listening to music.Next thing I know I'm on a road alone with the steel railing on each side.I go up this hill and back down this hill.Its like I'm floating and I felt it was a direct reference to the labia.
Last night I have a dream I'm playing basketball.Now for those who don't know I hate basketball.I prefer playing handball.Nonetheless I'm feverishly trying to get the ball into the hoop and I start off missing at first but eventually I get it in.Another reference to vaginal penetration.
Then next thing I know I'm not in the dream,I'm just watching women play with themselves and each other which didn't excite me too much surprisingly.Trying to avert my attraction from women,I wouldn't have wanted it to.
I'm starting to wonder what I can do to permanently crush any subconscious associations of female genitalia with beauty.I have no problem seeing the other female parts as beautiful,they are but if that one part were replaced with something else...Ah well, it does show my sleeping mind is independent of the waking one.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 9, 2008 22:58:36 GMT -6
We actually have quite a bit in common I think, Icon. Although, I do love the female genitalia.... ...as for the other...well....
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 9, 2008 23:58:25 GMT -6
My hatred for it is simple.If you cant have something,loathe it until you no longer want it.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 10, 2008 19:34:10 GMT -6
Try as I might I can knock my sexual attraction for women and their respected parts.On retrospect the idea of doing anything with anything other than a woman disgusts me.It sucks because I know I will never experience sex with a woman.Ill have to find something else to get lost in i guess.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 11, 2008 23:26:16 GMT -6
I wonder how you can be so god-awful sure that you will never experience sex with a woman. If I may ask...why not? or is the answer hidden in another thread? There's SOOO much information on here I sometimes come upon (by accident) old posts of mine I had forgotten about from the summer, haha...
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 1:09:50 GMT -6
What women desire,I do not have.Money ,personalit, empathy and confidence...Suppose it's still fun to watch females engaged in sexual acts:especially with other women.And it is especially fun to imagine.Too bad men aren't capable of self inducing multiple orgasms by mere thought like women.Men are by design sexually inferior
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 1:32:02 GMT -6
Ah, i see what you mean. I do not have most of those qualities either, and the ones I do have often go unnoticed. What you need to do is go somewhere where women don't care about such things, and are down to fuck. If you have no desire for emotional attatchment then it is probably the best and easiest way to get some. Now if you are, on the other hand, looking for emotional attatchment (it'll be our little secret;), then all I could possibly suggest is...well, try the seventh angle of Uoon'kalool. That gave me some strange results. I must say that I HAVE noticed an increased flow of female influence around my Myspace page, and even at church (yes thats right people, I went back to church. I figured, where better to worship Satan?) I wish I could offer more in the way of advice, especially since I know how shitty it feels to be lonely. Shit man! how come you haven't yet summoned a succubus? I just gotta ask.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 1:42:55 GMT -6
Im sexually inadequate.It hasn't change since I turned 13, 9 years ago.Ironically instead I have fucking incubi summoned unconsciously by my mother fucking raping me...SIGH .Sexuality is so complicated.I wish it were like magick,you put this and that and look at whomever and they will absolutely fuck you...Damned probabilistic quality.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 2:01:25 GMT -6
Haha! DAMN! You see how the truth comes out? (albeit in the sub-text;) Yes I know EXACTLY what you mean, I wish sexuality were a bit more easy to control also. Perhaps it has not much to do with the physical so much as the non-physical? not so much the "personality" but the consciousness of an individual... I know that the recent increase of women in my little world has brought around maybe one or two undesirables...no, I think its just the one... Then again, it seems to keep things fresh. I say this to mean that maybe magic attracts consciousnesses and not necessarily physical attributes? A good hypothesis to test someday...... for someone else, not me. LoL Often there are great things we do not realize which are happening right beneath our noses. Humans are so short-sighted, haha.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 2:12:16 GMT -6
Perhaps an unhealthy obsession with lesbians is blinding me.If only I were a chick,using women for sex would be so much more easier LOL
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 2:20:13 GMT -6
LOL! indeed. I thought about aggrandizing that female aspect of myself before. The problem is some people can pull it off, and some people...are me. haha! I have decided instead to become the opposite, and try to become like one of those dudes from the band Crowbar, haha. I am sure that, whenever I become who I am, I will be much more balanced between these two polar extremes, able to enter into either one fully, and at will.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 2:31:32 GMT -6
This body is not mine dude.I been here forever but it is definitely not me.I'm supposed to be beautiful...God damnit.Not comfortable with this fucking body,how can I be expected to be comfortable with sex?It pisses me off.Id like to use this body to hurt and impose my will-thats what men do right?If I weren't so scared of prison.But then if i say Im scared,Im some kinda bitch nigga or fem dude cause Im not comfotable with physical fighting.Fucking double standard
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 2:38:42 GMT -6
Your words echo my own thoughts here, pretty much to the letter. I also feel that this body is not me. It has always felt alien. It is merely a vessel I inhabit so that I can operate in this realm. I know that. The thought comes to mind as to whether another force (which is me) has taken over usage of my body over a gradual process of time, or whether I have always been in Possession of myself. Either way, i suppose the force is me. Am I? Maybe I'm not. Hmmm... As for going to prison, once again, I hear you loud and clear on that one; however, I an finding it increasingly difficult with every passing day to NOT kill someone. To feel a skull give way beneath my crushing power, to feel hot blood splash in my face.... *sigh* I'm insane.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 2:43:10 GMT -6
And Im reasonably sane,yet we see eye to eye.I wonder about what you wrote too now that you mention it.That blackout period...it could have been me possessing this body.After that point insecurities began.Whos to say we just didn't wind up assimilating these body's memories as their own...Weird what dreamlike quality memories have before the blackout point (missing time period)
Makes me wonder if the black figures in the room that the body remembered,descended to this solid state performed some bizarre rituals and plced me here.Im not delusional either.My sister was approached by the same shadow men in her suicidal point in the past after my blackout period.Are they my brethren?
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 3:11:30 GMT -6
I would be willing to bet that they are your bretheren. I saw Deep Ones in meditation. So beautiful... Its weird, talking about blackouts, the last two which were most recent were what would be scientifically termed as "alcoholically induced" but they were, in essence, far from that. 1- Around fall 2001 I went to go see a rap show at a local university campus (Rascalz and Kardinal Offishall). Long story short, I was drinking bacardi gold. drank the whole bottle, and then began mixing shots of whatever was given me. On a whim I decide to pick a hot chick at random and order whatever she's drinking (Gin&Sprite...very good actually, and I hate Gin). Ordering one, I slam it down, and throw the plastic cup away before walking outside. Thats the last thing I remember. Apparently, I was walking around being jovial, and acting rather normal (albeit quite drunk, lol). I regained consciousness hours later puking my guts out. This story is relevant because of THIS: A while later I was playing Ouija, and my deceased friend (who is a high demon) told me that he was responsible for my blackout. That he had possessed me so that he could be drunk. I speculate that for a few hours, I was going around acting just like he did in life. 2-New Years Eve recently past was one of the WORST fucking days ever. Perhaps only I recall that that was the day i signed my own death warrant. I got pissed drunk, started on Hoegaarden beer, and moved on to Black Bull, this 10% beer we have up here. Now that was a crazy night. I don't think I blacked out for too long, the last thought I remember having was "I wonder if I'm getting alcohol poisoning." My wife woke up a few hours later and the apartment was freezing. i had opened all the windows, and passed out (with some apparent grace) on my chamber floor. All I can really recall are strange memories...I'm afraid, much like those of the protagonist from the Dreams in the Witch House, but rather chaotic and muddied together. I now forget why this is relevant at all, or why i wrote it, haha, but who gives a shit? Not I. We do see eye to eye most of the time don't we?
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 3:42:09 GMT -6
Holy shit I was wasted New Years eve off of downing 3/4 of a bottle of Poetter's Rum 40% in 30 min and a tiny bottle of Jack Daniels.Bad decision.Don't know where I went in Manhattan I wondered around aimless and returned home to recieve a tongue lashing from my father.
Kinda funny,we did the same shit.Fired the fuck up.I wonder...
There was a weirder time 2 years prior to the blackout,I woke up inside of a fucking sphere.Everything was like a planet but inverted.Trees and nature were inside of it.There was a cross and it was behind me.And a lady with white hair who told me she was my mom.It was niether my current body or world.It was crazy because I didnt wake up,I was just back in my room.
The white haired woman appear yound or old at times.Haunted the shit out of my sister as a old woman but was a beautiful young woman who I mistakend for my mother...very strange.Where did i comre from LOL?Or how many different entities are we,am I?
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 3:50:06 GMT -6
Good questions all of them. I ask the same of myself although I have not had the same experiences in such vivid detail. That is not to say that my life has been devoid of mind-fuckery, not at all. You see, THIS is what makes us magi, whether we fail or are successful, the fact that we dare to ask the questions no one else will ask; and that we sek answers to these forbidden questions. Its a bit like National Treasure, when the dad says that all his son will ever find is another clue which will lead to another clue, ad infinitum. Now, we know this isn't true, but in our present state it seems so. I feel you will find the answers to your questions very soon. It might sound weird, but I just got something for you: [glow=red,2,300]It would be best at your present time to focus for now on structuring your own personal framework of belief. Concentrate on a minimal amount of details, yet which will afford you with much area to move in (such as are the 10 commandments)[/glow] Can yo make sense of that? It was given me for you, so I hope so. I understand what it means, but finding words and writing quick is difficult.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 3:54:02 GMT -6
I have a good idea of what you mean,I haven't gathered my beliefs in any detail at all in my life.Its always been fluid and changed by question I couldnt answer..ironic.
I will do so,wonder what I come up with.I have the feeling we may find some parallels.LOL
Commandment 1-The only coincidence is that there are no coincidences
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 4:20:51 GMT -6
Commandment 1 is a pefect beginning point I think. You know it is very encouraging that someone (sometimes more than one) takes the messages that come through for them seriously. Thank you. I should start giving readings, lol! but I don't want to exploit my gift. Wouldn't want to lose it...is that even possible? I suppose, if the Gods speak through you, they could choose to cease... No, i would rather just do it to edify my brethren.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 4:30:37 GMT -6
Walk softly but pack a big punch ;D Some paths are bound to intertwine at times I suppose.Jan 10 was the beginning I believe.
That said,how insignificant sexuality seems now.These mysteries are just perfect to avert my gaze from mere distractions lol
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 4:38:55 GMT -6
what happened on Jan 10? or may I ask?
I am glad you are distracted, especially if it will help you.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 4:42:34 GMT -6
I turned around and saw it was 11:11 am.Weird eh?the day right before Jan 11 which equate to 3 ones...I may be taking this too far.Im not entirely convinced there is a true synchronicity yet.Will wait and see.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 4:46:23 GMT -6
oh! I see. I do not get the 11:11 prompts anymore; now I often get: 4:44 3:33 12:12 1:11 (very important) 12:34 etc.
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Post by youma on Jan 12, 2008 7:09:04 GMT -6
8:08 lol!
Eh serious, about the original topic of this thread, don't take freudian symbolism too seriously. Freud had a bad sex issue, his work tells more about Freud than about the rest of mankind. When you dream about something that is not explicitly sexual, it can have plenty of meanings outside of sex. If I had that Basketball dream, I'd have taken it as a desire to fight and win, not copulation, symbols are very individual. Not letting someone else tell you how your mind works is part of respecting yourself.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 16:44:31 GMT -6
Good point Youma.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 20:34:33 GMT -6
I'm not latching on to Freud's theory but as I was dreaming it,thats the impression I received.You have to look in the eyes of a male virgin and take it from that point of view.Its an intuitive understanding what lies beneath the content of dream.In this case it just happens to work with Freud's theory.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 20:44:07 GMT -6
I hear what both of you are saying and it is comprehensive. Personally, i just think Freud's a little overrated, but I also think he makes some valid points (can't really say I know all that much about it except through the tv show Frasier). My wife had a dream last night about chocolate and a beautiful silver chalice. The way she described her dream made me think of Icons descriptions, and in my mind at once came two possibilities, and I told them to her: 1- the chalice could possibly represent a coming initiation into magical being for her (something along those lines give or take, I'm a bit drunk right now so bear with me peeps), 2- the chalice could represent a vagina. I will leave you all to wonder (along with myself) why she would be dreaming of pussy, haha!
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Post by antaya on Jan 23, 2008 19:15:38 GMT -6
Your dream of vaginas is symbolic not literal I think. A Vagina is not just a female sex part. Infact this dream of yours is likely about nurtureing and creative energy in your life. Think of the naked woman on a satanic altar. Actualy she is the altar. What she represents is the female receptive force within magic.So I would say prepare for an opertunity to direct your own sexual energy as a man, as a domanant force to be recond with. This is more to do with your personal growth past your insecurety and less to do with actual women. Also, do not count us out. some of us have a tom boy apeal. I have had sex with men who identify as gay and it all worked just fine. Try to keep an open mind, espesualy if you start to advance through some of the phases of LHP ritual work. At some point you will be asked to do things that make fear factor look like Hello Kitty cartoons:)
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