|
Post by I AM the Way on Sept 26, 2006 11:23:44 GMT -6
the importance of observation, especially self-observation, cannot be underestimated. when we closely watch something, it changes. it goes from illusion to concrete. quantum physics has found the same things. when no one is observing, particles move in waves that don't exist when they are observed.
closely watching yourself will show you that "you" are an illusion as well. what you thought was "you" is not real, only imagination.
practice this excercise daily:
tell yourself aloud, "I am not here. I am not myself. I am not real."
Venger Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priestwww.CultofCthulhu.net
|
|
|
Post by m2alik on Oct 28, 2006 20:10:15 GMT -6
;D I have been practicing Observation and have come to the same conclusion. I have a Intense feeling of "Nothing is real" and my life or life itself is a Dream. It is a weeiirrdd feeling to say the least.Thank You.
|
|
|
Post by I AM the Way on Oct 28, 2006 21:31:06 GMT -6
yes, this is the reward for daily self-observation. to some it is horrifying, but to a Cthulhu Cultist it is a necessary evil...
VS
|
|
|
Post by m2alik on Oct 28, 2006 22:48:16 GMT -6
;D Actually it isn't horrifying in the least but True Enlightenment if You Know You Are The Dreamer. The beginning of The Path of Power.Thank you.
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Oct 12, 2007 17:04:25 GMT -6
I really want to post this beacuse I feel that I need feedback. The website I am referring to in this post is of course, none other than this very one. Thank you to all who hang here as well as it's HP. I am uncertain if this is the appropriate place to post. I will try to keep further posts a bit shorter in the future.
Years ago in 1991, I ended up living with a couple of roommates that I only knew through other people in my “goth…magical” community. It was an amazing and daunting experience all rolled into one. A was a Puerto Rican, African American woman who had been raised on the tenents of Santa Ria and had later joined the order of the Golden Dawn and was a very active practioner. Resh…Resh…Resh. K was an amazing androgynus creature who looked like a very feminine version of the Crow. He was often beat up in earlier years because of his girlish looks, or so he said. People often assumed he was gay not realizing that he was celebate….not by choice so much as disinterest it seemed. We all moved into the upsatairs apartment in an old Victorian house. The library that they brought with them…..was, to say the least…incredible. I had been into magic for years or so I thought then. Reading what Crowley I could afford to get my hands on or find, La Vey was great for philosophy, but I wanted more than the penny annie crap that the Lewellyn magical series was pumping out. They had everything by Crowley, even the entire Equinox! This was in the days before the internet had really taken off….there simply just weren’t the kind of pdfs floating around everywhere. Finding magical books was a most earnest process. I was thrilled to get introduced to the likes of A. O. Spare and John Dee and many, many others. I did not realize it then, whilst I was pummeling my brain trying to get it to absorb as much as it could….that they threw so very much at me in their own excitement. They were equally thrilled to find an “awaking” mind. I worked so hard at my new exercises I had no social life at all…..considering that I was a raging party animal not just a year or so before, it was profound. Up to that point A had been in the lead on stuffing info down my every willing orifice. She filled my head with so many so called “secret” learnings of the GD that I really had no time to properly assimilate before moving on. I was beginning to understand the GD’s philosophies and I did not agree with many of them…..That was when K stepped into the forefront of my then, magical transformation. He gave me a book, the one I still have today….that he, as a trained and now scoffing ex GD member held above all others in his life at that time. Liber Null and Psychonaut by P. Carroll. It changed my life. I was transfixed by its ideas….the paring down of knowledge, the scrapping of dogma and ceremony. I love it. Being generally anarchistic in nature, I really jived with it….just no damned immentizing the escheston for me! I just did not understand what he was talking about back then….I do now. But I wandered off topic again. The reason for this lead in is to allow you to understand how fully profound this moment was for me. I proceeded to scrap the GD program and followed the exercises in Liber Null. I got results, results, results! It was it for me. I kept a journal, a dream journal and notes. I meditated often. One night I was laying in bed and meditating on the thought “I am that, I am not” and a most profound thing happened. I now think that moment was a moment of Self-Remembering. It was….it’s beyond words to express…..for me the stillness was amazing….yet, it was not still at the same time. Profound, deep, quintisenntial to my being….yes….I attempted to write it down in my journal….words felt too clumsy for the meaning of the thing. Most distressing was the realization that I could not simply choose to go back there…to re-experience the sensation. The feelings and thoughts that it engendered slid between my fingers and left me frustrated and malcontent. I continued in my studies for months more and had no more than one or two glimmers of that moment again. Then an old friend/flame stepped into my life and I fell in love. I was swept away in the hubris of life and damn…..I lost that moment entirely. I had not stopped meditating or trancing to achieve gnosis all these years….I had continued to “practice” magic and experienced great effect for the most part with my efforts. I had explored every area or so I thought….while working with a magical group I discovered that anytime I mentioned any of the tenents of Chaos Magic people would freak out. I had, for the most part continued with a mostly Satanic philosophy on life…so this confused me. I could not understand all the fear, I finally in the end could not swallow the shiny path of the goddess and that was it. I decided that I would go back to Chaos Magic….but in my head I had already seen and done it all remember? My perspective sucked. I simply spent the last year working on stuff….surface stuff. I think I was on the verge of sinking deeper into sleep…. Until I went onto a website that has seemed to reach out of cyberspace and hit me upside the head….leaving my thoughts swimming and of all things! A way back…..A way back to that exquisite feeling of bliss. I encountered a thread on the magical forum on a path called “The Fourth Way” exercises in esoteric Christianity…..posted by of all people, a Satanist. I was intrigued and I read it. I then had an inkling that what they were talking about was exactly what had happened in 1991. I had brushed upon the threshold of Self Remembering and many things began to fall into place. I decided that I was not entirely happy with the vagueness of the exercises on that site and proceeded to look elsewhere for more. I had already begun to meditate regularly again…..I decided to start a series of exercises with my best friend that are designed to get you in touch with yourself. Ego magic, P. Hine calls it. They have been going along rather well. But I still felt I was missing something and I began to feel driven to find a copy of Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson. I looked everywhere….our PDF copy was screwed up and I live in a small area that does not usually have books of those sort available. I was just about give up an order it when it arrived in the mail. My husband had ordered me a copy!!! By now I was pretty certain that this 4th way stuff was what I had been seeking. I read many, many things that I am still assimilating. The reason I wanted to read Beelzebub’s Tales was because it supposedly was written by the author late in life and it was hinted that although he had been a great teacher in the day, his last work was the one of an insane man. I felt that if this was a man who taught how to access a higher level of consciousness, that perhaps it only seemed insane to the mundane mind set. I wanted to see for myself. I began to read it. I was confused at first as his writing style is hard to follow. But, within a few pages he was starting to make sense….then it really made sense and I realized how much laughter had resided within the soul that wrote this book. He wanted to gift us with his perspective…..his true perspective. As I was reading today it happened again… I was simply reading along and really getting into the perspective of the author and giggling away madly when it hit me. That same sensation. Absolute clarity, I understand that it was just a glimmer of what’s to come. I struggled to hold it….or let go in order to hold it……accept it. Until I simply floated in a moment of “I am.” I was utterly conscious of my surroundings, my breathing, and at the same time it was so trivial as to be humorus. Then I started laughing/crying and it jerked me out of it. Relief of finding that place again jolted me so hard I that I dove again instinctively beneath the waves of consciousness. I spent the next hour or so….I lost track of time. Floating in and out of the “moment” only able to grasp it for a few seconds at a time. Did I really achieve self remembering? I am still uncertain, I think it would be arrogant to assume that I have. I do know that the results were amazing enough to prod me on in my transformation. One last thing to mention today….I realized last night while I was reading that I had read at least the first half of the book before, back in 91’. It had frightened the hell out of me back then…..I think that is why I forgot….I don’t usually forget what I read…..I have always had a very sticky memory for text. Well, that’s more than enough for me for one day.
|
|
Madguten
Moderator
CoC forum moderator
Woe, to he who hears the howling
Posts: 2,785
|
Post by Madguten on Oct 12, 2007 17:56:51 GMT -6
Well first of all, thanks for the massive post. I pull long posts like that into a "text to voice" program in order to conserve mind energy. I found it very interesting. I am unable to advise you, as you are far more experienced than me and from what you write i can read that you are able to keep somewhat of an overview on things. All i can say is what you already know; That constant uncontrolled growth is dangerous, and that one needs to sit down (sort of speak) and breath for a moment sometimes. That is when the growth becomes steady and solid. Like with physical workout.
I enjoyed the story about your room/living mates. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. Other than that all i can say is;
There are a lot of books on my "to read" list. ;D
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Oct 15, 2007 10:39:25 GMT -6
Thankyou for the good advice....I took the weekend off. I am however, back to work as of today. Damned if I will let that moment slip away again. I am also really enjoying reading Beelzebubs Tale this time around. I was definitely NOT getting the humorus aspects the first time around. I reminds me a little of Faust...but only a little.
|
|
Madguten
Moderator
CoC forum moderator
Woe, to he who hears the howling
Posts: 2,785
|
Post by Madguten on Oct 15, 2007 15:35:29 GMT -6
I must get my hands on that book.
|
|
|
Post by eratciv on Oct 18, 2007 19:25:08 GMT -6
I discovered myself to be the dreamer when I realized my inability to function and created additional personalities and voices to assist me. Since "normal" people can not or will not recreate themselves to the extent I have, that has led me to assume that I and my surroundings are at least to some degree an illusion.
|
|
Madguten
Moderator
CoC forum moderator
Woe, to he who hears the howling
Posts: 2,785
|
Post by Madguten on Oct 19, 2007 4:15:12 GMT -6
Yes, you share the sight that draws us togethter. Are we deluded or sharpsighted, or maybe both.
|
|
|
Post by eratciv on Oct 23, 2007 20:35:47 GMT -6
Both and neither, I believe.
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Oct 25, 2007 12:54:19 GMT -6
Yes, you share the sight that draws us togethter. Are we deluded or sharpsighted, or maybe both. Both.....we are all both.
|
|
|
Post by dustedwings84 on Dec 11, 2007 1:19:28 GMT -6
I almost squeeled with glee as I read this! I am so glad I'm not the only person here who has done this, and that we are also not shunned
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 11, 2007 1:28:16 GMT -6
It's a joy to read your posts jasmine, but could you please create some paragraphs to make the lenghtier ones easier to read? Interesting, most interesting... I have to get my hands on that Beelzebub book too, if it isn't already in the massive magical library I downloaded in one package.
|
|
|
Post by iconoclasm on Dec 11, 2007 4:58:13 GMT -6
Don't want to digress here but I am by nature a very defensive person.Heightened by paranoia sometimes can however not only cause one to maintain awareness of every act others around you do,but the cognitive movements of the mind as well.Add to this a be ready to strike an opponent at any second without notice and you have an almost meditative awareness of the body.At times it almost feels like the momentary you is a demon observing the world from a human perspective,the alien in the self.
P Carroll's books are a real gem in my opinion. Liber Null and Psychonaut, and Liber Kaos were among the most informative books I have ever read.I have yet to check out Beezlebub's Tales but belive me,I intend on ;D
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 11, 2007 5:09:49 GMT -6
I figured that this forum is a most excellent place for self-observation. Why keep it all to yourself when you can perhaps help others (and of course yourself) by publishing some of the results.
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Dec 11, 2007 14:31:43 GMT -6
It's a joy to read your posts jasmine, but could you please create some paragraphs to make the lenghtier ones easier to read? Interesting, most interesting... I have to get my hands on that Beelzebub book too, if it isn't already in the massive magical library I downloaded in one package. I agree I am far too verbose. I may not look all that new at forums but this the first one I really ever posted often on or was inspired to. I have obviously overdone it here. I have actually been trying to shorten my thoughts and pare down the number of posts as they are large in #. It is hard to do so as I find the postings here so varied and interesting. I want to respond to all of them! Thank you for your kind words. Jaz.
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 11, 2007 15:09:16 GMT -6
I don't care how long your posts are, just make a line break every now and then so it's not that straining to the eyes. like this
|
|
|
Post by I AM the Way on Dec 11, 2007 18:40:45 GMT -6
lengthy posts are great, and so are frequent posts. i agree with Takuan that paragraph breaks are a good thing (and it's not just you, Jasmine). unconsciously, small, balanced paragraphs are easier to visually digest than one giant monolithic paragraph. also, adequate spaces between sentences and spell checking are useful.
think of it as lesser black magic. say you had 2 posts that were identical except for the paragraph breaks... the more aesthetically pleasing post with generous spaces between thoughts will be more effective than the run-on paragraph. the words might be the same, but their audience's reaction will differ.
and, of course, this idea goes far beyond paragraphs or even effective forum posts. if we can do things consciously, then our results will always be superior.
VS
_______
lengthy posts are great, and so are frequent posts. i agree with Takuan that paragraph breaks are a good thing (and it's not just you, Jasmine). unconsciously, small, balanced paragraphs are easier to visually digest than one giant monolithic paragraph. also, adequate spaces between sentences and spell checking are useful. think of it as lesser black magic. say you had 2 posts that were identical except for the paragraph breaks... the more aesthetically pleasing post with generous spaces between thoughts will be more effective than the run-on paragraph. the words might be the same, but their audience's reaction will differ. and, of course, this idea goes far beyond paragraphs or even effective forum posts. if we can do things consciously, then our results will always be superior. VS
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 11, 2007 18:47:08 GMT -6
Good example of good thinking!
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Dec 12, 2007 10:05:50 GMT -6
I appreciate how you spelled it out Venger. It must be hard with your background looking at all the posts sometimes. I never know where to put the break. I like how you gave us a visual to work with. Awesome. Thankyou.
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 12, 2007 10:08:28 GMT -6
What kind of background? Occult? Academic? I wanna know!
|
|
|
Post by I AM the Way on Dec 12, 2007 11:46:14 GMT -6
hey, no prob. i have an English degree, that's all. language always came easy to me... unlike science and math. glad i could help. a good rule of thumb is to make a new paragraph when a new idea is presented. or every 5 to 7 sentences.
VS
|
|
|
Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 12, 2007 12:21:17 GMT -6
Languages were my strong subjects in school too. Never cared for math/science. I'm pretty fluent in English & Finnish, can attempt getting my point across in German and Swedish if I try, can understand the basics of Japanese and even less Italian. Gonna start studying Russian in January.
|
|
|
Post by noladyke on Dec 14, 2007 3:40:47 GMT -6
Collecting information is the the same as collecting stones. In the beginning you take every stone at home and put him in a box with the rest. After a while you can't see anymore which kind of stone you already have and which you doesn't. Then you start putting them in categories and in different boxes and you go on collecting stones that you think you don't own jet. Finally you start searching for that one stone that would make your collection complete, not realizing there are plenty of others who are also interesting. When you got the feeling that your collection is complete, you lose interest...till you met someone who has a bigger and better collection than you have.
Observing is a threesome: the observer, the observed and the stage of the world. (Jung) ->I hope you get the message because my translation sucks.
|
|
|
Post by iconoclasm on Dec 14, 2007 3:46:27 GMT -6
My best subject was going home.I do notice though...the quality of sleep in adolescence was much greater than it is now.And I had more problems with my brain and bad experiences too?Wonder from your personal observations if adulthood seems like being handcuffed to a radiator
|
|
|
Post by noladyke on Dec 14, 2007 3:47:05 GMT -6
You can observe your look in a mirror and you can observe your inner in a black mirror.. Interesting with our modern technologies is, that we can observe ourself on video; you can learn a lot about yourself by seeing yourself in action on tape. The best way to observe your inner deeply, is to write a diary. Feedback is also important, everybody needs sometimes the opinion of somebody else. If you're always surrounded by people who don't share the same opinions, it's difficult to hold on your believes.
|
|
|
Post by iconoclasm on Dec 14, 2007 4:05:58 GMT -6
I dunno...things seem dull and things have to be more violent or purely sexual for me now to enjoy.Even my fantasies ,before they were dominated by sex technology and uncovering occult mysteries.Now its just fucking,beating something or killing something by means occult or physical but mainly just sex.My imagination is pornographic so writing anything good is hard(sigh) .I place positive things in my head (suggestions ) to tell me otherwise but in the end,things aren't as ill.Could be because Im tired but nothing feels special anymore.Even I am not as exciting anymore.Feel like im slipping away but I dont wanna go where I was last year.I made progress but well ,how can I explain it.Feels insignificant.
Unfortunately I don't like to look at myself too long.Mirrors are outta the question.They always break the character Im playing as and then Im stuck staring at nothing.Video...might do it one day before i get plastered and post it on youtube but even then,i doubt i'd entertain myself or anyone else.Even dried stalks of corn will get up and walk away lol
|
|
|
Post by I AM the Way on Dec 14, 2007 10:23:14 GMT -6
that's a great point, Noladyke. the world's illusion is so convincing that we easily fall back into its lie. that is what the Cult is for and that's why this forum is one of our best tools for escaping our prison.
having said that, too much 'groupthink' can be hazardous; however, those who are conscious and Awake will be able to reconcile the two: conversing with like minds while not losing one's unique identity and perspective.
Venger As'Nas Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priest
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Dec 21, 2007 17:55:49 GMT -6
I am finding that balance is more and more key to my inner workings. I really did not realize how far out of whack I was until I really worked the self-observation exercises. I am finding that they really get results. As I mentioned before. What I am liking is that I seem to be able to work with my magics better. I am not having to work as hard to focus...also I have been able to get rid of a lot of useless effort. I did not realize how often I was working against myself magically speaking. I was not acting from the center....only from what I thought was center. agh. I am having problems with finding the words to express the feeling. That is happening a lot lately. I am however encountering a fear that surprises me though. I am terrified that I will fall asleep again. I did not want to the first time and I cannot for the life of me figure out how it happened. I look at my personal glyph and the Meta Sigil daily to remind me not to fall again.
|
|