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Post by I AM the Way on Jul 22, 2010 22:23:25 GMT -6
Within the Fourth way, the system outlayed by Gurdjieff, Ouspensky and others, there seems to be three major obstacles in the way to the advancement and use of the higher centers.
These three obstacles are Identification, Imagination and Negative emotions. These obstacles are so intrinsically and intricately woven within us as machines that our attempts at awakening before coming into the Work have more than likely been doomed to failure.
The CoC membership would do well to carefully observe the patterns of the law of accident in their own lives, so that they may know them and conquer them, leading to a state of liberation approached on occasion yet never fully understood or realized.
Each obstacle spurs the other on and completes a circle of sleep so genius that objective consciousness would be just another pipe dream if we weren't privy to this knowledge.
Identification is virtually inescapable in our present state of development. We don't remember ourselves so we identify with our experience. Each moment that we are immersed in something without self awareness we are identified.
If we are riding a bike for example we are more than likely identifying with our surroundings, the road, the trees, the sky, the smells, the wind. More than likely our moving center is running on auto pilot and our mind is drifting aimlessly from one thought to the next. It is pleasant. We are identified with the pleasantness of the ride. There is not a sense of 'I am here', or a singular 'I' in control. There are many I's passing through and taking center stage for short amounts of time. We are as a species 'asleep' to the possibility of objective consciousness. I'd like to present an example:
On my drive to work on a busy road this morning a woman attempted to pull into the flow of traffic of which my vehicle was a part of. She was turning into it from a sidestreet yet misjudged the timing and was left hanging over the lane of oncoming traffic stationary, causing the vehicles in the lane I was in to have to slow down and stop. To make matters worse she was also talking on her cell phone with her free hand and seemed oblivious to the potential damage she could have caused and took her time to reverse back so the traffic could pass. Needless to say I was annoyed and became angry at her disregard for other motorists. I drove off in disgust and carried on like this for a minute or so until I realized what had happened. I had become a pawn in the law of accident. I had identified with the situation and forgotten myself, expressed negative emotions and then began falling under the sway of imagination by thinking things like 'what if I had of hit her', 'imagine if she had caused a fatal car crash', etc,etc.
I immediately proceeded to snap myself out of this sleep and attempted to mull over what had happened with a top view aerial analysis.
Man in car, busy road, flow of traffic, woman motorist pulls out, blocks road, talks on cell phone, cars wait, motorists get angry, lady reverses, cars continue on their way.
The energy I had begun to waste on generating imaginings and expressing negative emotion became clear to me. I then attempted to view other occurences of my day like this, but in realtime. I sensed a certain control was beginning to become available to me like never before. I could choose if things annoyed me or if I became upset about things. If I could see myself outside of myself, was there any benefit to behaving in such a wasteful manner? Wouldn't it be more useful to be chilled out, calm and collected, not at the mercy of emotions. What is the benefit of generating 'what if's'? Whatever happens, happens, end of story. Why generate fantasies?
Has anyone else experienced a similar thing with the Work?
By his Loathsome Tentacles!
K'ara Kaiul
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 2, 2010 9:47:26 GMT -6
[Nominated by K'ara Kaiul]
This conversation has become really deep really fast. It seems that objective reality is where subjective reality starts. Say you have a sandbox and there is an impression in the center of the sand, plainly visible. When you throw a thin blanket over the sandbox, the blanket obscures the sand from view, but conforms to the sand below it. Throw another blanket on top of the first, and it obscures the view of the first while conforming to the first blanket and to a lesser degree the sand.
Our reality is like a thousand such blankets thrown on the sandbox of objective reality. The blankets are not opaque, but transparent to one degree or another. They are also not truly solid, but permeable to one degree or another. Some people cannot see or manipulate the material beyond the first layer. Others can see through several layers, but cannot manipulate all of them. Some, with effort, can learn to reach through and manipulate the deeper layers, influencing all the layers they have penetrated.
You may or may not realize where to stop, some will stop at a blanket or layer that tells them enough about the reality below it and gives them the influence they are content with. They may mistakenly assume they have reached the objective layer. Some will need to dig deeper. Those that dig all the way down to the sandbox... well, why wouldn't they be able to change the impression or build little hills for themselves. They would create shapes in the sand of the objective that would influence all the layers of subjective reality placed on top of it. For those who lacked the skill to see or manipulate the layers all the way to the objective, such changes would appear to be miraculous.
Sensory input would be the first layer over objective reality.
Just a thought.
Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn!
Ego Diabolus Priest of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 2, 2010 10:11:47 GMT -6
I encountered a topic like this once. The topic wasn't about routine and habit per se, more about Patterns. It was in a science forum. The question was asked if Patterns plays a role in evolution because our nervous system have evolved to see Patterns and be influenced by Patterns. The questioner wanted to know what role thus Patterns played on a psycho-evolutionary perspective.
I tried to explain the evolutionary importance of Patterns as best as I could. I first brought up something I had read in a science magazine. The article was about the strange superstitious beliefs and practices sports team members do before games. A team of scientists were given the duty of studying this odd behavior by figuring out if superstitious and magical beliefs was evolutionary.
So little monkeys and rats were used as test subjects.
In one of the experiments they took a little monkey and waited for it to scratch its right ear naturally. When the monkey scratched its right ear the scientists dropped a sweet treat for it right next to it. They waited for it to scratch its right ear again and dropped a treat for it. But the scientists stayed out of sight.
After a while something weird happened. Whatever the little monkey was doing in its cage, whenever it wanted a treat it would go to the exact same spot it sat and scratch the same ear, and it waited for its treat lol.
In another experiment they took a normal lab rat living in a cage. They waited for this rat to do something it normally does not do naturally. One day the rat went to a corner of its cage and twirled around chasing its tail. They dropped a treat for it, staying out of sight.
They waited for the rat to do the same thing. After a while the rat went back to the same corner and twirled around again, and a treat was dropped. So the rat picked up a superstitious or "magical" ritual. In it's little rat brain it believed that when it went into that same corner and twirled in a circle, somehow a treat dropped lol.
I took that natural ability for us and most other animals to schedule and live our lives according to Patterns out into the Natural world to see what I could see.
So these things we call "ritual," "habit," even "ethos," in anthropology are referred to as "memes" and "memeplexes" A "meme" is basically anything such as a bit or unit of information that can be transmitted from one individual to another in some way.
For example waving your hand to signify saying "hello" is a meme or specifically a "cultural meme." Nodding your head to mean yes is a cultural meme in most cultures. In some parts of India and the Middle east tilting your head from shoulder to shoulder actually is the meme for "hello." The smiley face icon which is a colon and open parenthesis is also a meme, and so is "lol" used to signify laughter.
A "memeplex" is a complex or cluster of memes that are not overtly related or connected with each other, but they nevertheless accompany each other due to cultural tradition or some other dictation. For example asking people for candy is a meme; and carving pumpkins is a meme. Those two memes have absolutely nothing to do with each other, but in a cultural context they almost always accompany each other on Halloween as a "memeplex."
Decorating a pine tree is a meme. Putting presents under it is a meme. Sing songs is a meme. eating together as a family is a meme. Turkey on the table is a meme. These memes really have nothing to do with each other, but during Christmas all these memes accompany each other as an ancient "memeplex" a thousand years old.
So what we call "habit," "ritual," "ethos," "habit of action," or "habit of thought," or "habit of interpretation of sensory data" are memeplexes or memetic patterns that are actually crucial for our survival and evolution, even if some of us may perceive such to be mechanical.
For example if I were a cave girl living in Canada and I looked up and saw ducks flying in a V formation in the sky, I would Remember a pattern I observed in which every time such ducks flew in such formation in such direction that winter would come soon. Form being able to see that pattern, I would be able to do what needs to be done to survive the harsh winter.
Or if I were a bear living in Alaska. Winter was coming soon which meant that I will hibernate. This meant that I needed to stock up on energy reserve to last me thru the winter or I will die. As a bear i Recall the Pattern that every certain season salmon filled the rivers. So from being able to Recognize Patters like that helps me as a bear survive.
Seeing, observing, living in tune to Patterns is a matter of survival to most all living organisms. Because it is so ingrained in our primal Self, to break patterns causes us to fell threatened or unsafe... even if such Patterns we live by or use, or observe actually have no real meaning or purpose.
I sometimes wonder how many millions of years a dandelion plant took to feel the pattern of wind gushing past it before it learned how to perfectly engineer its seed parachutes.
The more I look closer at Nature, the more Patterns I see in it. For example if you stepped back mentally so you can see the earth from space, and you fast forwarded time so that the seasons pass by quick, you would see the Pattern of fields dying and blooming.
Or the Pattern of the moon's faces as it orbits the earth which causes a Pattern of the ebbing and flowing of tides at predictable intervals.
So this Pattern of seasons with this Pattern of the moon triggers other Patterns of Life to happen. The Pattern of birds migrating can bee seen to arise. The Pattern of fish spawning. And so on. One set of Patterns giving rise to the next like a domino effect. In Buddhism this is called the Dharma of Co-Depended Arising.
But as far as daily habit of action, habit of thought, and habit of interpretation of sensory data goes... our nervous system is wired since primeval times to live by such habits/patterns.
This is neither good or bad. It is just Natural. It is the End Results of such Patterns of behavior or habits, or Ethos, that one should pay attention to.
By "habit of interpretation of sensory data" I would mean something like when you Hear a buzzing sound. You wonder what that sound is. You look and see a fly. So that it becomes a habit for you to now interpret every buzzing of similar frequency to be a fly.
Habits of interpretation of sensory data can be a bitch. Because if we experience something we have not encountered before, say for example a shiny metallic disc in the sky, it becomes hard for us to get our brains to shift gears from such habitual modes of interpretation to one where we can logically and reasonably apprehend such data.
It becomes worse when others experience such out-of-norm experiences and they tell us, because out of Habit we tend to Judge such information on what we ourselves have habitually experienced and habitually interpreted. So if some guy came up to us and said that he saw shadow people follow him, we would wrongly dismiss his experience because we have not experienced such.
I think the Zen masters have come up with a device to teach their students to get out of this habitual mode of thinking and apprehension. It's called Koans.
Just thought I'd share.
Q'zbah
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 20, 2010 11:18:23 GMT -6
www.cultofcthulhu.net/2010/08/dark-pursuits-bathed-in-fire-the-observable-current-of-the-left-hand-path/High Priest Venger Satanis and Fellow Cultists,
"Dark Pursuits Bathed in Fire: The Observable Current of the Left Hand Path" represents a major stride being taken not just by the Cult of Cthulhu, but by the participants within the Left Hand Path as a whole. This is the current of the Left Hand Path delineated and manifested, describing the approach that is observed being taken by those individuals who are successfully walking the Path.
Autonomy is the self-actualization that is prevalent amongst successful individuals. You cannot begin to define reality until the reality of the self is defined. Power is the means by which the Autonomous individual sees his or her will manifest. Power comes in many forms, and we all have as individuals some power. Our effort is to cultivate what we have and learn to amass power by exercising our power. Self-deification is the ultimate end of the Autonomous being amassing and exercising their power. We seek to develop into beings who manifest the majority of their individual realities as opposed to suffering under the dictates of a reality manifested by others.
Individually, there is a cap on what we can achieve. This is where coordinating our efforts with others who have common goals and methods which compliment our own. This is the purpose of organization. Each organization is in and of itself an individual entity, following the same patterns to achieve Autonomy, amass Power, and become a Deity amongst other institutions. The success of the individual and the success of the organization they choose to support are symbiotic. The end goal is to guide the species to greater potential and a more secure future.
The challenge is to follow-through as individuals. If you are comfortable... if you are content, then you are more dead than alive, more asleep than awake, a slave to your past rather than a master of your future. The Left Hand Path has no place for bench-warmers or cheerleaders. We should all see "Dark Pursuits Bathed in Fire" as a mandate, and ask ourselves if we are following these successful patterns in our own life. Are your efforts in line with these pursuits, or are you languishing on the wayside, waiting for something to happen and hoping that through the charity of others you will somehow benefit?
There are changes coming to our reality, and you need no prophetic visions to see it. The pendulum of time is swinging from stability to instability, from certainty to risk. Governments are weakening, economies are failing, the environment grows more turbulent, and religions are clashing. We of the Left Hand Path should look upon these things not with fear, but with joy! Instability means greater potential and ease in manifesting our will! It is easier to shift the sand than to try to shape a diamond, and our reality becomes more sand-like every day. Those who are taking action now, seeking to enact their will in this harsh environment will be as gods in the natural course of time when instability means opportunity for those who have honed their wills to a razor's edge.
The rest will simply be swept aside by the storm.
Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn!
Ego Diabolus Priest of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on Sept 1, 2010 13:03:34 GMT -6
Alright, well to start out with in about the third grade I came to a mass realization that absolutly nothing really matter in what we do in our lives. On a cosmic scale, the scale that I believe is the only important one, no matter what we do, no matter how horrible, nothing will change on this scale. You can do whatever you want and disregaurd all social rules and nothing will acutally change. A year later, I was in my mothers car and I suddenly felt a dreaded felling over take me. I just started crying and when my mother asked me why I was doing so, I told her that "I dont know when, but alot of people are going to get hurt". Two weeks later, the 9/11 incident happened. Throughout my whole school attendence, I have watched the other children go through various trends and fashion changes. I have never felt the need to partake in these trends because I knew that they did not depict the real person that was involved in them. They simply followed their Teen Magazines and do what others have told them. I am not one for such things. These are just a few, because there are a numerous amout of them. If these are not signs of and augmented predisposition for Awakining, that is fine. But, another thing happened a few days ago. My little cousin asked me for a bowl of tortilla chips so as I finished pouring them into the bowl, I reached in for one purly out of habit and I thought to myself "These are not for me, I did not ask for these and I do not need one". I resisted my micanical habit and did not take a chip from the bowl. Are these the small baby steps that are needed to be taken in order to complete the Work? If approached correctly, the experiences you describe could make for a solid foundation for undertaking the Work. I think what you may be missing is a more Work-oriented perspective.
The Cosmic Scale and Social Rules
What is the "Cosmic Scale"? I understand by what you have written that it means the aspects of the developing universe that if one could place themselves outside of it as an observer would be readily apparent when observing the whole. The Universe, by definition, incorporates everything, so such a point of observation cannot be achieved. No matter how massive the scale being observed, the observer will always be unable to observe the whole, thus whatever scale you deem is important will be a mote aspect of another scale deemed important by another observer seeing things from a grander perspective. In the Work, our focus is on what is relative to us as individuals. The largest scale we can observe and impact is that which incorporates the human species as a whole. This is what I aim for as my target of influence through my individual efforts.
That said, what most people do does not matter, and this is unfortunate. Or, rather, what they do does matter to the species as a whole, but the fact that they are not aware of their impact and consciously working to influence the species in the manner that is most in line with their own aims is unfortunate. They do exactly what you described them doing, following the trends and influences determined by others, who are often themselves following not their own consciousness but rather the trends and influences of a self-perpetuating mechanical system. This system is based on supporting and encouraging material desires and subordinating individualism, intellectual, and spiritual pursuits.
I do see your point that on a grand scale, your flagrant disregard of the social rules and laws will have little meaning; you're one of nearly 7 billion little thorns cutting into one another and will not be missed when your action result in that system "removing" you. However, from a relative personal perspective, the impact of suddenly finding yourself subject to the extreme end of those laws and rules, in particular those regarding flagrant violators, will indeed be great. The universe may not take note, but you most certainly will notice... and it is your own perspective and not that of the universe that that Work focuses on. Indeed, your own perspective is the only "universe" you can ever hope to know.
Arbitrarily disregarding the rules and laws of that system is as unconscious a path as blindly following them. The hard path, the Work, involves actively evaluating those rules and laws relative to your own self-awareness and aims and deciding which laws or rules are to your personal benefit to follow and which of them inhibit your aims. Of those that are not to your benefit, you must then determine the most beneficial route toward either going around those obstacles or using your influence to bring about a change of those laws or rules.
You may not follow the trends, but you are no doubt not "trendless". If you interact with the larger society in any capacity, for example, you more than likely participate in the trend of wearing clothes, or the trend of speaking in a language commonly used in your location.
Portents of the Future
The 9/11 attack was, based on the number of people who claim to have experienced the same kind of event as you described, a major psychic event. It most definitely was a turning point in our society, underlining just how small the world has become with the advent of greater interconnectivity through technology. Flashes of insight are indications that our minds have a greater potential that is largely underdeveloped, but is not a sign of Awakening. The most base dullard can potentially have a flash of insight or epiphany, and nothing comes of it. That is the crux of any of my discussions about psychic abilities; how did you profit from it? You had a "feeling" which could be described as proof of latent psychic ability or as a simple coincidence (and I am not trying to write-off your experience). The problem, from the perspective of the Work, is that you have no conscious control of it or real way to benefit from the knowledge gained.
The Work proposes as an aim the development of the self to perform at a level where such insights or epiphanies are common-place and the wisdom to make use of the information is also present. Having such an undeveloped talent is akin to being able to breath under water while living your life in a desert... it is a neat trick, but what is the point? Does it put food on the table, or increase your being? The Work also aims to have such experiences occur consciously, not on their own or by happenstance. The ideal is that any talent, from the ability to create art to a "psychic" ability, can be called upon and utilized consciously, not only when circumstance permits.
The Sense of Self
Your chip-bowl illustration suggests a glimmer of self-awareness, but who hasn't at least once stopped a habitual practice as they were about to engage in it? You might begin to order a soda and instead elect for tea, or reach for a twinkie but suddenly opt for a carrot. The problem, again, is that this is not a conscious effort; it just happened (or their may have been an instance of consciousness, but it is inconsistent). People live their lives going from one thing that "just happened" to another. The Work aims for a sense of self where instead of you just opting not to take a chip, you would have a plan in place, aligned with a particular aim (loose weight, be healthier, save money on chips), where taking a chip is opposed to your aim and you consciously choose to not have one.
This requires the development of a sense of self. You observe yourself to see what you mechanical behaviors are. You remember yourself, developing particular aims you wish to pursue for your own benefit. You evaluate your mechanical behaviors and choose to pursue some of them consciously (because they are to your benefit) or to avoid some of them consciously. You continue to observe-remember-evaluate, working toward increasing your own potential and the rewards of your efforts. This is the development of a sense of self, what we refer to as "awareness" or "Awakening".
The key is to be participant in the event and to act consciously.
Completing the Work
The Work cannot be completed. Development is always on-going. Evolution, of the self, of your society, of the species, does not have a terminus. There is no point in the work, no phase of effort, which is also not on-going. Even those with years of experience and have developed an objective sense of self and their surroundings are still going through the same basic process of observe-remember-evaluate. The difference is that the habits of assumptive thinking and behaving have been done away with, replaced by conscious thinking and effort.
Good luck on your continued efforts.
Awake!
Ego Diabolus Priest of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on Oct 5, 2010 10:54:47 GMT -6
I just got done reading about the fourth way from Wikipedia & realize i've been doing my own version of it for years. I'll be purchasing the book soon I hope.
The version I use is done through a strenuous work out. At the height of physical stress, Im able to focus my"I'"s into one. The experience is quite emotional & extremely cathartic. But Its when I push my self past the breaking point while at the same time focusing on my goals & my one "I" that Im able to enter the desired state of consciousness.
You know your at that moment when your body is not what's moving, its your will. Quite the experience when you dont feel pain or exhaustion. Yet your still able to move. As if your being moved by your will alone.
Working out in this blurry, trance like state requires a lot of concentration & will. Sometimes I'll feel doubt for about a second; and in that second the physical pain washes over me. Reminding us that it;s our WILL alone that makes the impossible possible!
After this kind of work out,the feeling is definitely supernatural. Every thing is in slow motion. Movement is deliberate & focused. As if there is total meaning, & purpose behind each movement. I definitely feel HIGH. For lack of a better word. So from this description, would you say Im practicing a fourth way experiment?
Next is fasting. The most I can pull of is three days. No food, only liquids. After day one, Ill need at least 15% concentration to maintain the focus of will. After day two, that hurts. Definitely 50% concentration & your mind is cracking hard. At this level I could meditate and achieve a nice level of oneness. And thats cool.
But its the third day that really pays off. Running on 75% concentration, your body hates you. It's exhausting just to talk. And this is the perfect state of mind to meditate. At this point I'm in such good communication with my soul that to stop concentrating hurts. Its like your body demands you fill your body with some sort of energy. Your forced to imagine air filling you. Life filling you. Hell, I'll even imagine absorbing the matter of objects in the room with me. Anything! That's the only way to keep from cracking like a baby. But the Will that's powering me is supernatural. It's really empowering is what it is.
To meditate at this point is almost a must. Your body demands it. With in minutes of closing my eyes Im in. A straight shot into what ever vibrational realm I desire. Instant weightlessness. Instant embracing of all things.
So my question is, are these aspects of the fourth way Im practicing. They sound like it from what Ive read. Sorry if they seem extreme. But I've always been able to summon more WILL by putting my body through extremes.
Thought?
Hail Cthulhu!
Boksmutanis
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Post by I AM the Way on Oct 18, 2010 10:43:13 GMT -6
Liberal Eugenic Applications of Reproductive Technology
Genetic Screening of Parents and Embryos
Man is doomed to live by the capricious whims of the universe. He does not create his life; a man’s life is created for him by pre-programming and random events. Liber A:O
When I consider typical conception, it seems so haphazard. A couple hopes the shuffling of their genetic decks will deal them a good hand. It is hardly the deliberate, selective process I’d hope the higher laws of control and breeding entail.
Yes, one can select a mate that appears to have good genes. But two healthy parents may carry a debilitating recessive condition. What are we to do? Pray? Bring back infanticide? Resign ourselves to the possibility of investing resources in children that are unlikely to ever be self-sufficient, much less successful?
Nowadays, Pathway Genomics offers genetic compatibility tests for prospective parents. These kits can be bought in drugstores and require only mailed in saliva samples.
In addition, preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) allows parents to screen in-vitro fertilized embryos before a woman invests her uterus in the process. This can ensure the vitality of the fetus itself.
PGS was featured in GATTACA, which treated the practice as dystopian. Children who were conceived naturally were officially “invalid” yet nicknamed “godchildren,” suggestive of the writers’ sentimental religious leanings. When The Fertility Institutes began to develop more advanced degrees of PGS, egalitarian liberals and Catholics alike threw such a fit their research was terminated. ("You're supposed to take whatever children GOD gives you!")
Yet PGS remains a promising means to ensure that parents can select exactly the child they want, not just have an abstract “child” they hope will turn out well. Power over one’s legacy can be passed back into the hands of the parents, instead of the random whims of chance.
Specialization for quality and efficiency
Reproduction is a greater biological investment for females: gestation and lactation require more than ejaculation. Women have fewer gametes and a shorter window of fertility than men. Women also end up rearing children more often than men.
Though most men can breed at the same rate, ignorant women breed more than intelligent women. It gets worse: the development of a child’s cerebral cortex (center of intelligence) depends on the X chromosome—from the mother. Dumb women will have dumb children.
The least sensitive and perceptive individuals are more likely to have children. Liber A:O
Ignorant women don’t think to use birth control. They breed on sentimental urges, not understanding the time and money a child entails. Such women often belong to religions that prohibit birth control (Catholicism), encourage breeding (Quiverfull), and condemn abortion.
Those with greater potential to Awaken are less prone to have children. Liber A:O
Intelligent women are more ambitious, career-oriented, and educated. Mothers earn less than childless women, so smart women often avoid reproducing to increase their market value.
This is a dangerous trend that will cause the dumbing of humanity unless we increase intelligent women’s fecundity.
One possible solution is surrogacy, which allows a woman to have her embryos implanted in other women. This delegation of gestation has numerous advantages:
1) It allows working women to reproduce without decreasing their market value.
2) It increases the rate at which a woman can reproduce. A woman with the means to afford multiple surrogacies can become a “queen bee.”
3) It occupies the wombs of other women, decreasing the rate at which less intelligent women breed.
4) It prevents taxing a woman’s body. A repeat mother will lose bone density, become anemic, and potentially have spikes in blood pressure. Later-born children can become sickly, premature, and malnourished. (Think of Michelle Duggar’s 19th child, Josie.) With gestation delegated, this can be avoided.
5) Because surrogacy is expensive, surrogate children are more likely to be genetically screened prior to implantation.
There are only a few disadvantages, which are easily compensated for.
1) Some surrogate mothers smoke, drink, or don’t watch their health. Stipulations in the contract and agencies that screen and monitor can prevent this.
2) Beneficial breast-feeding is less likely. This can be requested in the contract, and many surrogate mothers are willing to oblige if compensated.
3) Surrogacy makes sex unnecessary for reproduction. Of course, one can still have sex recreationally.
His ichor cleanses the sin of all mankind.
xiaogui17[/color]
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 4, 2010 15:03:22 GMT -6
Please let me tell you again about my story, I assume it is interesting because of quick changes after a long sleep.
I searched "the truth" all my life, neglecting and forgetting my material situation and emotional gratifications. I studied philosophy, christianity, buddhism, deism, paganism, satanism, and after 25 years of research and studies I achieved my journey here : since a few months I'm a Cultist of Cthulhu.
And here I was, trapped in a mediocre material situation and in a pitiful emotional situation, with "logically" little possibilities of amelioration.
But things are moving, changing around me as never before. I'm not using magic for that, I'm Working and struggling to awake, nothing more but nothing less.
As I am changing of paradigm, as I am more aware, things and situations are changing by themselves, unexpectedly. For the best so far, and sometimes it's impressive.
This led me to a theory and to the pictures as illustration : gravity and alteration of space. As human knowledge of physic is nearing the absolute, it can be used for a real understanding of the universe.
Just by being present, an object is distorting the space. It has been proved!
I think it is the same on the "spiritual plane". By raising above mechanicity, by being present, aware, you are indeed existing on the "spiritual plane" and so automatically altering the universe.
As I spent a lot of time daydreaming, I complained that peoples were not paying attention enough to me and to my requests. As I'm awakening, peoples are often doing what I want before I ask them. Is charisma being awake ?
Now is the moment of Awakening.
Yrreiht
P.S. And now at least for a few minutes you should stop reading this forum, remember yourself and awake !
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Post by I AM the Way on Dec 8, 2010 17:47:32 GMT -6
I see self-separation as a necessary practice to begin on the road to Objective Consciousness. To see oneself from the outside and the interactions of the human organism within one's surroundings and interactions, preferably unbiased, is also a step to greater self-awareness. Self-remembering is also a very important part of this.
What is the best way to do this?
Try viewing your body, mind and emotions as just that. A body, mind and emotion. Not necessarily you, but a thing you can experience. This should allow a sense of separation to occur. De-identification, although some might say is anti-human, has the value of viewing the experience as an outsider, to view what's happening with more clarity, rather than being enmeshed in the experience. Therefore, a separation requiring self-remembering can enable this experience without losing oneself.
Another way is to view your organism from the outside, from an aerial view. This can be as simple as looking down on yourself from a higher vantage point like a building, seeing yourself walking along a road and seeing your connection to the surroundings, or perhaps further up on a planetary scale or a view from outside the atmosphere of planet earth.
The latter one will also enable you to see how insignificant a single person's negative emotion would be on a larger scale. From such a high vantage point, do the things we really worry about have any cosmic significance? Isn't the only way forward from that view to begin to behave in a way that benefits ourselves and others? As being viewed, like we would ants, only efforts and Work to do something profound and beneficial would hold any significance.
This can also be a way of justifying behaviors of a negative nature as holding no real cosmic significance, as to indulge in them more frequently, so care should be taken to hold on to some kind of ethical ideal and beneficial rational self interest.
Yes, I have tried this, High Priest Satanis.
I could go into more detail but this is short analysis regarding your questions. Awesome questions they are.
By his Loathsome Tentacles!
Dark Prism
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Post by I AM the Way on Jan 18, 2011 13:43:34 GMT -6
Why didn't I shared this with you before ? Probably because since then I fell back deeply asleep.
It was on the eve of christm. All the preparations for dinner had been finished, the children playing with my wife. I sat meditating and self-remembering for a few minutes, realizing how happy I was that I have "everything" : although I cannot consider myself rich, me & my family lack for nothing. We enjoy a good health, I have a job with a decent income, a beautiful wife and three healthy children...
But most of all, I have myself and I have the void. It struck me that it is the only important thing - for I will always have all that I need, as long as, from time to time I am Awake.
Then, I focused on self-remembering and it happened. How to describe it? The word I will use is orgasm. But it was not physical at all, yet different from a mental impulse... there was a feeling of triumph!
It was me. An incredibly pleasant state of permanent self-remembering with no effort at all to be fully conscious of myself and of my surrounding, so much that there was little difference between my body and the rest of the room : When I remember this moment I see me from outside.
What a supernatural mixture of happiness, self-remembering, and consciousness. I stood up, walked around. I insist, the most spectacular was the obvious mindfulness. I was immersed in it with no effort at all and fully master of my thoughts. One more thing : It was obvious, too, that reality was mine... that I could achieve what I wanted.
Indeed, this state of being is really as different as the second state is different from physical sleep! Yeah, for the first time I knew that I was Awake!
As expected, it didn't last long, maybe three minutes. Another minute of intermediate state and I was back in my pitiful "normal" state.
Don't worry. Be happy. Make efforts.
Yrreiht
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Post by I AM the Way on Jan 29, 2011 11:43:51 GMT -6
"A Distinction Without a Difference?": cthulhu-cult.com/?p=281
Being outside the moment as you have illustrated in your fine essay, Ipsissimus Venger As'Nas Satanis, is key to being both mindful of your current state and situation, yet from an outer perspective, giving a more external, encompassing perspective on your position in objective reality or the overlapping of subjective realities.
Books like The Power of Now teach a person to be present within their bodies and mindful of inner occurrences such as emotions, thoughts, feelings, pains, etc, with the basic premise that these are things, and not the real 'you'. These teachings are great in that they ground a person and the person can learn to accept what is happening 'now', instead of being 'always on the run', and unmindful and caught up in identification with 'things'.
One point I'd like to bring up is the element of imagination in 'being outside the moment'.
There has to be a kind of imagination or suspension of disbelief in action to begin the practice of being outside of the moment. It's not easy to view yourself outside yourself so it must begin with imagining yourself outside yourself and how it might look. As a person gets more use to this practice, more details can be included of the surroundings one finds themselves.
Would you agree that it has to begin in this way? Even though imagination is an obstacle to Awakening, this is more a useful kind of imagination which can lead to the objective consciousness that has been spoken of.
Also, I would also like to add or infer that these two levels of consciousness would be in a state of flux as it is very difficult to keep this sense of being 'outside the moment' in place as it requires great mental energy. Perhaps an alternating of The Power of Now sense of being in the now and a practice of being outside the moment would work very well hand in hand. I'd even go as far as to say one builds on the other like the four states of consciousness Ouspensky refers to.
One probably should start with The Power of Now sense of being present in the moment (self remembering) [1] and progress into intentional visualization of being outside the moment, trying to sustain this state with as much detail as possible for as long as possible. Then, inevitably, one will fall back into The Power of Now sense and of course back to the second state of momentization, but that is our struggle.
Also, this sense of imagining ourselves outside of the moment has parallels with the practice of Astral Projection. Could these two practices be linked with the same mental mechanisms?
Awake!
Dark Prism
[1] I believe that self-remembering is more like being outside the moment while self-observation is ultimately the same as being in the moment. The former allows for analysis, perspective, and distance leading to higher states of consciousness whereas the latter is not dissimilar to being lost within the moment... yet still preferable to momentization blindness. ~ Ipsissimus Satanis
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Post by I AM the Way on Apr 3, 2011 11:06:25 GMT -6
Why Am I Here?
Someone asked me why I was here. This is a better answer than the simple one I gave.
I didn't come here intentionally. I stumbled here in my sleep and while here I was first shocked and then guided into wakefulness again by fortunate accidents.
This isn't a permenant awakening, so the first reason I'm here is to keep awake as often as possible. It's a quality of the environment in the same way that someone jackhammering outside your house for their own reasons has the side-effect of waking you up randomly.
One can only awaken himself while asleep if he realizes that he's asleep. Maybe you remember a time when you realized you were dreaming and this realization caused you to awaken. Initial awakening from 'relative consciousness' to 'self-conciousness' happens in much the same way, though not by realizing that you are not awake, but realizing that you are not aware of yourself. In doing so, you indirectly bring to mind self-awareness and become aware of yourself.
This is the Fourth Way, the way of the sly man. Sly is defined very precisely as 'indirect'. One can't awaken oneself directly. At first we awaken for short moments due to the law of accident. Once we are awake we use the time to indirectly awaken ourselves again, either through training to make it more likely that we will awaken more often, through setting an alarm clock, or both.
Staying awake works best on the buddy system, in exactly the same way swimming in kool-aid does: they keep each other from going under and drinking the kool-aid by drowning in it. The second reason I'm here is to make friends with people who understand what I mean by 'kool-aid'.
The third reason I'm here is because I like to collaborate, exchange ideas, and generally do new things and learn from other people. So far I've learned much more from being active in the CoC than what one can expect from the average online community. The CoC is, without question, a better environment for this because self-development and making progress is the underlying deep structure.
Shawn Hartnell
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Post by I AM the Way on Apr 12, 2011 14:01:41 GMT -6
Second try...
I've been inside the CoC before doing what I do best. Unfortunately the first time didn't go so well due to "circumstances." I left the forum for a while. But have sneaked back here. Venger knows me under a different nym. I sometimes post critical comments on his youtube. Critical but in a constructive manner. I've only been critical of VS on youtube twice. I refrain from saying my usual nym since it appears that everyone knows me to some extant by that name in some other forums and networks. and plus I shouldn't be here trying to help out anyways.
The basic reason why I would be here is a practical one. If I have time and intellectual capital to invest, then what I am investing in should be a coherently organized firm/corporation. I would rather thus, invest myself in something like a CoC then the disorganized subculture of satanism out there. What memes I share or invest in an organized coherent group with well defined psychological territories doesn't get blown away into the ether.
Tell us about yourself in general.
-- I can send my "resume" via PM as far as my associations and affiliations goes. "Numbers & Angles" would be a clue. Buddhist is another clue.
What are your interests?
-- Marketing, Memetics, & Buddhism.
What's the most interesting dream you've ever had?
-- A lucid one. I was experimenting with the "reality grading" of a lucid dream to learn to tweak the dream to be as realistic as waking reality. In the Lucid Dream, I upped the grading to a point where it felt very real. To experiment I walked up to a pine tree, since in the lucid dream I was hiking. I picked a piece of the bark from the pine tree and chewed on it...
It left a bad taste in my mouth. I had never eaten pine bark before in real life or a lucid dream. It's a hard taste to describe, like pinie dirt and medicine, cardboard. When the taste was spread all over my mouth I forced myself to wake up. As I was awake laying in bed, the taste was still in my real mouth. I actually had to go get a drink to wash that taste out of my mouth.
Later in real life I went hiking and picked at a real pine tree and actually chewed on it's bark to complete the experiment. The conclusion of the experiment for me was mind blowing and positive: both the bark in the dream and in real life tastes the same.
What's something you want to do before you die?
-- Launch a sample of my DNA into space. Maybe like my hair and nails. So in a billions years some alien civilization will find it and re-create me
How are you feeling right now?
-- Equilibrium is at standard capacity.
How can you help the Cult of Cthulhu?
-- I can only offer practical insights. What the CoC does with such is entire up to it as a collective. What insights I have on memetics and so on come from several years of experience and application in context to my certain affiliations.
How can we help you?
-- The CoC is already moving into a direct where it is helping me. I would just like to push the CoC further into that direction. Ultimately what I would like to see is the CoC develop into a more effective memeplex with working meme-sequences that counters CoS's memeplex. An enemy of an enemy is an ally.
What's a question that you'd like to see new members answer?
The thing that irritates me about any subculture is the average member's inability to give hard-love to their own memeplex/subculture, by giving strong and rational constructive criticism. By pointing out potential weak spots and and ineffective aspects of the over all memeplex.
No memeplex is perfect. I think criticism is the best thing my group of associates get that has helped us see weak point in our memeplex. And from such criticism we are able to refine or fine tune or work out the bugs.
So the one question I would like to eventually see members here ask and answer is: "What is wrong or weak about the CoC memeplex, why, and what can be done to remedy the deficiency?"
I will delete this intro a few days from now to get rid of 'evidence.'
From Jeska aka SugarCubz posted on the CoC social network... where we try to preserve knowledge.cultofcthulhu.wall.fm/
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Post by I AM the Way on Apr 13, 2011 10:42:39 GMT -6
When We Identify, We Disappear
According to The Work set out for us by Gurdjieff, systematized by Ouspensky, and elucidated by various Fourth Way Masters... Identifying is when we lose ourselves in the thing being observed. Identifying is always passive. It just happens to us. We see something, and we get absorbed by it. Pulled in. Eaten. Led into negativity. Watch a sports game and your essence or True Self goes away, it hides. Watch a movie and that movie takes the place of who you are outside of life. Argue with someone online and suddenly the argument (or whatever side you're on) has replaced you.
When we Identify, we disappear. That is why it's dangerous. That is why it's anathema to Awakening. We are capable of terrible and tragic behavior during moments of Identification. Have you ever listened to the news - school shooting, parents murdering their baby, suicide - and wondered "how could a person do that?" Well, it's because they weren't themselves. These individuals were so Identified with something else going on in their lives that they forgot who they were. As you can see, it's a powerful phenomenon.
The good news is that we can avoid Identification by separating ourselves from what we are doing, what we are watching, what we are thinking and feeling. Separation is the difference between self-observation and Self-Remembering! In the latter process, we divide ourselves into two: that which observes and that which is being observed. After all, how can a machine watch itself? Any programing error contained within our machine is going to be part of the observation. However, if a part of our machine can remove itself from the rest, then a slightly more objective view can be established.
To see ourselves as we really are, objectively, is the key to Self-Remembering. From that point we can begin to see life, reality, and the universe(s) as they truly are. Self-Remembering eradicates Identification. We can appreciate a sporting event, movie, or stimulating debate without getting lost within it. It is possible to keep our distance from whatever we're doing.
Conversely, we might gravitate towards the science fiction genre. We might model ourselves after a particular role model like Tony Robbins. We might allow ourselves to be influenced by the Cult of Cthulhu's teaching. Such activities are known as taking in Impressions. Impressions can be used to fuel our Work. As long as our attention is active and we enter into or engage something Consciously, it is not Identification. Try to remain mindful of self, surroundings, and the need for separation.
There's an important distinction between the ordinary use of the word identification and Identification in 4th Way terminology. From now on, I'm going to make a Conscious effort to capitalize words that are specific to The Work. That should prevent some misunderstandings.
Indeed, I can identify with being a non-smoker, Satanist, Cthulhu Cultists, or the awesomest swell guy that ever cradled a raspberry cheesecake in his tentacles. However, I am mindful to keep my distance from all these things. To Remember myself in the midst of my identification so that it does not become Identification. Separation is key. Who doesn't want to keep at least a fraction of their actual, authentic identity at all times?
Of course, there are striking similarities between the two versions. I'd like to cast the eldritch limelight upon a potential danger: to call oneself a Cthulhu Cultist without actually being a Cthulhu Cultist. A member of our religion should embody the paradigm through their own perspective using essence as a filter. Many are the pretenders who have identified with the CoC whilst only Identifying with the CoC. That's why we seek hardworking individuals rather than complacent sheep.
Awake!
Venger As'Nas Satanis Ipsissimus Cult of Cthulhu
cultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/post/20
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Post by I AM the Way on Apr 20, 2011 10:56:31 GMT -6
Observing the Prisoner
In the beginning of The Work, we are taught to observe ourselves. This, in and of itself, is not easy because we live automatically. Without thinking about it, we endure or enjoy our day from start to finish. If we are lucky, some small part of our daily automated program will be new and fresh. Yes, every once in awhile we experience something which is out of the ordinary. Perhaps it confuses us or allows us to revel in the richness of life or maybe we despise this thing which doesn't belong... this shock to the system.
Why would we despise it? Probably because the unfamiliar is unknown and the unknown consumes us with fear. I'll tell you another thing that is unknown: our True Self. Those Higher Centers which act as diving rods for Higher Forces allow us to experience Consciousness and Conscience which the average person can never realize. Godhood is a hidden faculty.
And that's why it's important to observe the self - because the True Self or Real 'I' is virtually unknown to us. At the beginning stages, True Self / Real 'I' / Essence is small and weak. Work develops our esoteric muscles. The freedom which is possible to an adept of The Work is indescribable. We think we already have freedom, but we don't. Ordinary man exists in a minimum security prison. He's grateful for that because he's never had the kind of freedom which The Work offers, which Awakening offers, the kind of unearthly liberation which the Cthulhu Cult advances to those who are willing to put in the super-efforts required.
So, how do we observe ourselves? As Jesus Christ commanded many times in the Gospels, "Watch!" Our entire day is full of moments absolutely ripe for observation. What are you like in the morning before breakfast? How do you feel about the day? Why do you make the preparations that you do before going to work? Why do you always brush your teeth the exact same way? How do you interact with your co-worker, boss, friend, sister, father, etc.? What do you have for lunch and why? What are your thoughts at this moment? Who are you? What are you doing to make progress in some area of your life? Which area of your life is sorely lacking?
If you have trouble observing your own behavior, then you haven't separated yourself into two. Part of you needs to observe while the rest can be observed. This division is necessary for observing the prisoner (i.e. you).
Now, observation is one thing... Self-Remembering is quite another matter. Observation is like checkers while Self-Remembering is like chess. Does that make sense? The latter has more levels, more dimensions of thought required, more possibilities allowed. We can still Identify (lose ourselves) in whatever is being observed, although watching allows us a bit of separation. While Remembering ourselves, we isolate self from whatever is being observed. The part of us that watches keeps something special in mind: our aim. Be ever mindful of the ultimate goal: to reach higher levels of Consciousness, to be more aware, obtaining Will.
As long as some part of us Awakens and remains Awake we can be free of Identification, Negative Emotion, and Imagination. Know that you are a prisoner in this reality... those three obstacles are the cell bars. Once you get a taste of divine freedom do not settle for anything less.
Awake!
Venger As'Nas Satanis Ipsissimus Cult of Cthulhucultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/28
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Post by I AM the Way on Apr 29, 2011 16:10:04 GMT -6
Honor and Conflict
My circuit on the Internet has as of late become ever smaller by design as I continue to focus my efforts on the real world and making an impact on my actual environment instead of primarily through virtual reality. Part of my circuit includes visiting the Cult of Cthulhu, an organization in which I was formerly a "Priest of R'lyeh", an administrator with a rank just below the founder. Today, that founder, Darrick Dishaw (Ipsissimus Venger As'Nas Satanis) announced his "Honors and Ascensions for 2011". Curious, I decided to see who was ascending in the ranks.
I was surprised to see my own name first amongst those listed, given the honorary title of "Defender of the Emerald Faith". This honor was being extended for my continued study and promotion of the Work of Mr. G.I. Gurdjieff of which my weekly "Sunday Sermons"; articles I have been writing, are often centered upon and relevant to issues both in the Cult of Cthulhu and our subculture as a whole. For the last two weekends, I have failed to provide a sermon, owing to a recent medical diagnosis and the steps I have need to take to begin to manage my newly discovered condition. Not to worry, folks... just diabetes. It is a shock that was necessary in order for me to take more serious steps in regards to diet and exercise. This weekend, the Sunday Sermons will resume.
Darrick and I do not see eye-to-eye on a number of things. I tend to be a realist while he tends to be an idealist... this is the core of our differences. These are simply two different approaches toward what is arguably the same goal. I seek a greater freedom, both for myself and for our species. He seeks self-deification, freedom expressed to its ultimate degree, both for himself and for those with the courage to follow his example. He tries his way and I try mine, and we both watch the other with great interest and occasional consternation.
I find it interesting observing the mutual attraction between the Cult of Cthulhu and the subculture that has been referred to as "Modern Satanism". I once identified myself as a "Satanist" and consider my identity as an "Individualist" simply a natural extension of that philosophy. "Modern Satanism" mocks the Cult of Cthulhu (and organizations like it) because the Cult of Cthulhu dares to wander into territory that many in the Modern Satanist subculture fear to tread. The Cult of Cthulhu dares to offer a purpose and meaning greater than the self while Modern Satanists choose to deny such a purpose, even though a desire for just such a purpose burns in most of their hearts. "Animals" are all that the Modern Satanists strive to be, following the teachings of their founder. When it is suggested that they may be animals with the potential to be more, they often call this a "spiritual pipe-dream" in full denial of the logic behind the proposal. However, most Satanists choose not to be ruled by the whims of fate as an animal would, and often apply themselves to some practice which caters to a “higher power”, whether occult or mundane in nature.
For Modern Satanists to acknowledge that there is more is to also acknowledge that they are only skimming the surface of the potential of both their ideology and themselves. To acknowledge the possibility of growth means to acknowledge their own stunted development, their irrational apathy, their lack of vision, and their absence of depth. Whether the pursuits are spiritual or social, the failure of Modern Satanism is its “dead-end” mentality regarding Individual potential.
Does man as an end mean man as he is, or as he could be? Modern Satanists find such a question troubling, and often prefer to lull themselves back to sleep rather than face the fitful nightmares such a question might pose to the comfortable limits they have chosen to place upon themselves.
For those in the Modern Satanists subculture who have not become too jaded there is an interest in organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu because they have the potential that many Modern Satanists have, in accordance to the trend, chosen to spurn. The sense of wonder which drew those Satanists to their ideology is alive and well in such organizations, embraced and nurtured. There is a fine-line between the skeptic who hopes for an awe-inspiring event and the believer who seeks the foundation to that which inspires awe. Modern Satanists need organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu to maintain that black flame of wonder that gives the symbols they have embraced the potential they have been drawn to.
The Cult of Cthulhu is drawn to the Modern Satanist subculture because that subculture represents a part of the foundation of its own processes and ideology. Modern Satanism is the source from which organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu flow. It is Satanism that has tilled the soil from which these other organizations spring. Children naturally prefer the validation and praise of their parents over their derision and disappointment. Many participants within the Cult of Cthulhu are former Satanists, or still refer to themselves as Satanists. While the validation and acceptance of Modern Satanism may not be overtly sought (as it has been in the past), it is obviously desired, and would at least be preferable to disdain, or worse, neglect.
If not the Modern Satanists, who else would listen to the madness of those seeking ancient icons and the resurrection of concepts and practices drawn from antiquity? Who else could appreciate the artful blathering inspired by that which the rest of society has chosen to reject? Who else will give audience to ideas leading to the fringe of order and show, if not praise, at least an appreciation from what is being developed? For better or for worse, Modern Satanism continues to be the standard by which these other organizations measure themselves.
Modern Satanism is a part of the foundation of these fringe schools, a check against delusion and self-deceit. Modern Satanism provides to organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu friction with which to test their ideas; while those ideas may not be embraced, they are least given a hearing by those who share a relative interest in what is being said. Modern Satanism is also often the beginning of the filtering process which refines the individual in preparation for an organization like the Cult of Cthulhu, a purging flame which will either burn away much of the debris of mundane society and herd-mentality or char the weak into a blackened-lump of spite and pain. Modern Satanism keeps such organizations honest, deflating delusions and egos when they become ridiculous and reminding that the best kind of wisdom is that which has been undefiled.
Modern Satanism and the Cult of Cthulhu have a mutual interest in one another. The blows exchanged; from derogatory comments to calls for "Graaz Roth Alikavniss" (a spiritual war or Jihad), if not toughening both cultures serve at the very least a sort of masochism. Each seems desirous of the pain and that the other inflicts. Why else continue to clamor for the attention of those you openly disavow, regardless of the side of the line you find yourself on? Each seems to need the validation of the other, acknowledgment means that they each still exist, and that their presence has an impact. Modern Satanism would do well without organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu reminding them why they were drawn to the shadows in the first place. Organizations like the Cult of Cthulhu would prosper if they chose to ignore the slings-and-arrows of Modern Satanism challenging the veracity of their ideas and the conviction of their practitioners. All, though, would be less for such a division from our potential and our roots.
We do not see eye-to-eye, we both watch the other with great interest and occasional consternation. I am honored by the acknowledgment of my efforts by a fellow student of the Work and peer, especially when such acknowledgment was unforeseen and mad despite our differences. It serves as yet another example of the enigmatic nature of the one who has bestowed it. I will continue to watch, listen, and learn... and hope that my small offerings continue to bare fruit.
Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn! Hail Satan! Nosce Te Ipsum Tu Ipse Es!
Defender of the Emerald Faith Jason Sorrellcrawlingchaoscoc.blogspot.com/2011/04/honor-and-conflict.html
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Post by I AM the Way on May 6, 2011 13:56:34 GMT -6
NEURAL-QUANTUM INTERACTION, THE MIND, AND MAGICK
A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION
I have just read a book called Shadows of the Mind: The Search for the Missing Science of Consciousness by Roger Penrose, a mathematician who once shared an award with Stephen Hawking. If you read it, I honestly recommend you skip almost every chapter but the one on the brain, and glance at the rest. Great content but not helpfully written.
I'm a person with a rather scientific and skeptical approach to things. I just won't believe something unless I am given an understanding of how it might interact with things that I am already familiar with or unless it makes itself directly evident to me.
How, then, could someone like me come to entertain the belief system of that superstition-spouting provocative charlatan known as Venger?
THE LOVECRAFTIAN NATURE OF QUANTUM PHYSICS
Science, I say! Almost all of this material is taken from Shadows of the Mind.
Believing in the human ability to influence events outside of their own bodies through their mental activity sounds absolutely insane. Fortunately, I assure you that quantum physics is even more insane, but all the respected scientific minds swear by it.
Sub-atomic particles, specifically electrons and photons for our purposes, behave in very odd ways. You may have heard of experiments about an emitter shooting a single photon, only for it to pass through two different holes in a surface and come back out as one photon.
When photons are bounced off of semi-reflective glass, they are simultaneously in a position of having reflected off the mirrored glass and having gone through it, until the photon hits something, in which case it only finally hits one of the surfaces, despite being on two different paths at once. This might sound like bullshit, but it has actually been tested – the photon’s “second path” can occasionally affect things at tiny levels, just by its potentially having been there! Or was it there? Ugh, it makes my head spin. While some physicists accuse quantum-scale particles of behaving in a strictly probabilistic way at the “classical” scale where objects aren’t in several places at once and move in the ways we expect, in fact the motions of quantum-scale particles can sometimes be deterministically predicted…if you resort to doing math with imaginary numbers. Yes, that insane concept of “i,” the square root of negative 1, can actually be used to make accurate calculations about quantum movements. This is displayed geometrically on graphs by some mathematicians, prompting the question, “You’re doing math on the i-axis? What the fuck is the imaginary dimension?” Apparently it’s where quantum-sized particles are operating…this may make more sense later in a rather ominous way.
Most relevant to us, dear readers, is the phenomenon known as quantum entanglement. This is when two particles attuned to each other with the same “quantum spin,” in speed and orientation, are both affected when one of them is tampered with. Quantum spin alone is a mindfuck, occasionally involving a particle simply spinning as a ball might spin, but sometimes involving a spin in several directions at once. However, that’s what happens. Quantum entanglement is also utterly unbelievable, allowing for simultaneous identical behavior among particles which are galaxies apart. From the latest I’ve heard, the Chinese have pulled off having two particles behave in immediate simultaneity at a distance of ten miles apart. Some Western lab had pulled it off earlier but at a shorter distance. The US military is now looking into utilizing quantum entanglement for communications, such as in fighter jets. How can the enemy intercept your messages if your messages don’t have to travel between anything? Worse, some physicists claim that quantum entanglement doesn’t just happen across space but also across time.(1)
THE QUANTUM-INTERACTIVE BRAIN
Of course in technological terms, humanity is just beginning to be able to put quantum entanglement to any practical use. Hell, we’ve hardly even pulled it off. However, that doesn’t mean that the random process of Darwinian evolution did not end up bumping into it (or the aliens who tampered with us, if that’s what you’re into). It’s not like we always understood Newtonian physics, but, well, gravity was always affecting us regardless. The same applies to quantum physics in our biology.
Most of us think of the brain as a neural computer. The brain has cells called neurons which are connected by long tentacles called axons. When one neuron is stimulated with enough of an electric charge, it sends a pulse down its axon to stimulate the next neuron. Each neuron is stimulated by the neurons before it, through their axons. So they’re like transistors in a computer, though more multi-directional.
However, the truth is that we have been massively overlooking an absolutely crucial part of human brain function. It has long been observed that much of cell behavior is mysterious. The nuclei of cells contain the genetic code, which is utilized by various organelles and such, and it acts as a command center to an extent. However, during the process of mitosis, the centrioles of a cell seem to “know exactly what to do” in terms of helping the chromosomes of the cell divide in two. They operates seemingly of their own knowledge. It turns out that the little buggers may be something like a quantum computers.
Centrioles consist of microtubules which, interestingly enough, are small enough that they have space for one electron to dance up and down their inner tubes, and potentially alter the electrical charge of the tubule. The water inside of these tubules is odd. It is totally deionized, being perfect H2O molecules without electrical charge. It does not move and bounce around like normal water; its electrical stability means it is locked in place unless influenced by a specific electric charge from the tubule’s central electron. Quantum computers are likely to someday work with similar deionized environments, with the arrangement and charges of the atoms serving as memory. (Talk about obsessive-compulsive; the damn atoms have to be in perfect little arrangements.)
In practice, quantum entanglement can only happen in a large enough scale to affect Newtonian-scale matter, like that in neurons, in certain circumstances. There is a problem of quantum-scale particles not being able to consistently/reliably affect classical-scale particles. This is because the quantum coherence/entanglement which is common at the tiny scale usually can’t find environments where it can accumulate particles which exist in tandem at the large scale without being disrupted by random objects flying around, interfering electrical patterns, and other energy, etc. Once the large-scale entanglement is gone, the quantum-scale particles often simply do not have much of an effect on classical-sized particles, or they have a random/probabilistic effect which does not help us explain anything. Often large-scale quantum entanglement must happen at super-low temperatures, excluding our warm human brains.
However, it so happens that centriole microtubules provide just such a stable environment for large-scale quantum coherence/entanglement, and furthermore, that the electromagnetic fields which come from cell metabolism serve as a stabilizing substitute for the normally-needed superlow temperatures. But here’s the bigger mind-blower: these quantum-sensitive microtubules aren’t just in the centrioles. In fact, they are all throughout the cytoskeletons, or outer membranes, of every neuron. The computing power inside these microtubules is probably how cell membranes know what they heck they are doing without the input from nucleus chromosomes which could not possibly be as active or specific as necessary to run a cell in real-time.
Obviously every neuron has this cytoskeleton skin, and each cytoskeleton skin has several million places where these microtubules can house quantum interactions which register on the Newtonian scale. According to Penrose’s calculations, the brain may have ten trillion (or 10,000,000,000,000) times as much computing power as we would think it had if we were counting only neurons and not the considerable system within the neurons.
I’m not going to pretend to have the microscopic structures of neurons and their possible interactions with quantum particles down to a tee, but this is the general gyst. The microtubules, creating a stable environment for large-scale quantum coherence, then are affected by the one electron floating freely within. Changes in the state of this electron may cause it to be absorbed by the microtubule and passed on the inside of the neuron, where it contributes to a change in the overall electrical charge of the neuron. The overall charge of the neuron is then important because when the cell hits a certain level of charge, it activates, fires its axon, and shoots the pulse to the next neuron. We are now back in the realm of familiar Newtonian brain functioning.
So jumping jackass Jesus Christ, we are a few trillion times smarter than we thought, and what’s worse, the particles in our brains may be highly coordinated with each other even in ways not established by the directly observable neuron/axon networks. Penrose suggests this as an explanation for the human talent for gestalt, or suddenly seeing insights out of little pieces of data. More importantly he suggests it as the explanation for a unified/persistent consciousness beyond any specific physical location. Penrose speculated that neurons are merely a magnifying device to bring our quantum-based minds up to influencing Newtonian-scale objects like muscles.
Of course, the big whopper here is this: a great deal of our brain power is functioning according to physics we don’t remotely yet grasp, but which we do know has a spooky capacity to (I can’t believe I’m saying this) transcend distance and even time.
Is it possible, then, you ask me, dear reader, that what goes on in a person’s mind might have effects on other people’s minds, or on physical objects?
Yes. Yes, dear reader. I am not a man of faith or reverence of any kind. But yes.
MAGICKAL REALISM (no, not a literary genre...not Harry Potter...)
What, then, is a realistic model of magick? Where can we expect it to actually work?
First, if it works at all, it probably works according to mechanisms in our brain, Newtonian and/or quantum, of which we are not conscious. After all, it’s not like we are directly aware of the neurological process which converts photons in our eyes into visual images, but it happens, and we roll with it. As described in the experiments in The Roots of Coincidence, this crap is unfortunately rather sporadic. It’s only logical that it should be, if it’s dependent on emotions. It is highly difficult to scientifically test for consistent results though I think the scientific community should definitely keep chasing this one. They should consider the mental state of the subjects; apparently experiments involving the communication of strong moods were much more effective than experiments communicating dry phrases (in both cases the subjects were isolated from any possible body language cues).
It’s probable that human beings are already in a continual magickal interaction, whether they intend it or not. In fact, there is probably a whole “realm” of quantum interactions where entire beings can exist outside of our dimensions and our classical Newtonian physics. Maybe this is the closest thing to the Platonic realm of idea-forms? Hence it is not odd that mathematicians are doing quantum calculations using imaginary numbers on an axis which represents a dimension other than our familiar three. Perhaps this other realm is based strictly in our mundane realm, but the immediate interaction of non-touching parts scattered across the galaxies makes it like the Internet: based in our world, but also a world of its own. Or that could be a totally reductionist view, and the quantum-scale particles in our brains have us interacting with entirely unfamiliar dimensions and realms mostly separate from our own. In all seriousness, maybe R’lyeh, or something like it, isn’t just in our heads. Who knows what could be out there? Who knows what damage it could do to us, or what it might think of us? It’s a situation which prompts all the cosmic horror which Lovecraft recorded, and it’s not some psychodramatic figurative symbolic play-acting. It’s the fucking practical situation we face.
Back to magick: much of it is probably unintentional. My family never asked to glimpse moments of the future in our dreams but it happens now and then regardless. However, it makes sense that a person with strong willpower, and a strong rapport with their unconscious minds, could potentially influence events.
Our best bets are the following: I think humans can alter or interact with other humans, given that the people on either end both have highly quantum-interactive brains. Much of physical reality lacks the quantum-interactive structures which exist in the brain, so I am not sure if outright telekinesis is practical. I am open to it. I believe in the power of visualization. When a basketball player sees him or herself making the shot, they are statistically more likely to succeed. I have used this principle. I have now come to believe that it may be more than a nervous phenomenon, quite possibly bending the world towards the quantum possibilities aligned with the visualizer’s success, both in their own nervous systems and potentially even in outside objects. If quantum particles are influenced by the mere possibility of a future outcome, then the idea of a basketball player’s emphasis of the successful outcome in his/her quantum-interactive mind/brain could absolutely be shaping the outcome that ends up happening, or using it as a magnetic force toward success.(2) Obviously mental/physical effort is necessary, too…
Some people may say that the effectiveness of magick on other people or on actions you are directly doing yourself suggests it is a sham. They may say, all you did was try really hard at what you were doing, and this made you succeed. All you did was use slick social skills to manipulate people into feeling and acting how you wanted them to, and this brought about your desired results. They may say, all it did was give you the extra confidence you needed to succeed.
This is just a tragic irony of magick that I can do nothing about. Yes, it is effective in the personal and social realms, realms which are also highly influenced by willpower and effort regardless of magick. I suspect that a person having extremely strong willpower and focus is something that would make their magick more effective. I think magick is most effective on humans because human brains are highly quantum-interactive, whereas I’m not sure most objects are. I’m not really sure I want to share this with the whole world anyway, so if someone doesn’t believe me, I’m fine with it. Also I’m not offended by the idea that magick is a psychological boost; that’s why I bothered looking into it in the first place (and then I got unexpectedly dragged into all this insanity of particles in our brains that resonate with particles outside of them; it’s straight out of a Lovecraft story, fuck my life.)
Given my rather practical and almost physicalist view of magick, I am inclined to think that the human mind and its abilities to alter reality are the real source of magick, and whatever phrases or trappings that help us work with that are kind of secondary. This would put me in the camp of “chaos magick.” Basically, whatever gets you off is what has the power, because the power is based in you. Venger’s warning about too much mixing and matching, however, is still wise…if you find yourself laughing at yourself, I somehow doubt this is conducive to the intentionality which allows us to utilize our quantum projection.
THE POSSIBILITY OF CONSCIOUSNESS AS AN INDEPENDENT ENTITY
This whole mad spiral descent of mine began when delving into the LHP for what I considered merely secular self-improvement reasons. Unlike some others in these parts, I consider secular religion to be valid, as a system of symbols, an identity group, an attitude, and a psychological tool. I observed the way Muslims bow down toward Mecca and pray five times a day, and I thought of what a strong psychological effect this must have. It must give the practitioners a great centeredness, and a sense of what they need to be doing at each particular time of day. It also serves as emotional catharsis/reinforcement/confidence-building, because no matter how rational you are and no matter how many reasons you have for doing something, sometimes the thoughts are just not enough. Sometimes to commit to a path of action you need an emotional experience, and it makes sense to be able to invoke the emotions that correlate with your thoughts at will, ie through ritual, rather than through the random happenstance times they may come to you spontaneously.
For these reasons, I was exploring the various writings of the LHP on the Internet, as I have done in my past as well, and revisiting a few old books physically in my possession. I was aware of the Temple of Set, and their merits as one of the most serious and stable LHP organizations in existence. I knew various things about them but had never been able to track down a basic statement of their beliefs. This many years later, Michael Aquino’s Black Magic has been made public on their site. I took a read. Little did I know that it was the proverbial clue to Cthulhu which would reveal insane new things to me.
There I encountered the best rational case for mind-matter dualism I have ever encountered. This was quite a shock to me, because as a hardcore marxist atheist I have thus far been viewing the world as one united material reality with an odd subcategory called “mind.” It was only after reading Black Magic that I had to admit and acknowledge what a truly unique and different thing the mind is from matter, neither having mass nor taking up space in any observable way. The Temple of Set’s argument, in my opinion, still left some room for agnosticism, and the possibility that the mind is certainly inexplicable but may be still tied to matter. However, they definitely ended my assumption of materialism and have me leaning solidly towards mind-matter dualism. Of course, after having done some reading about quantum physics, what rules apply to matter is no longer quite so clear to me either. It may very well be that my original marxist belief that the mind is physical, and my new assertion that the mind is a very strange, non-Newtonian, potentially acausual, and non-local entity, are both true, thanks to the insanity of quantum physics.
Black Magic was once kept as a temple secret but now posted publicly and free to all at this location: www.xeper.org/maquino/nm/BlackMagicRL.pdf The relevant section is p58-73. I would copy and paste it here, but the pdf disallows it, which I suppose is Dr. Aquino’s right. This pdf also includes the ToS reading list, which I have been devouring.
If the mind is its own category, and a very mysterious one at that, then all conscious and willed action is inherently magickal. We cannot explain the mind, nor its connection to the classical physical world, except perhaps by Penrose’s theory of the mind-quanta-neural chain of connection. Even this still has not explained the relationship of the mind and quanta, leaving it all as a total miracle. However, beware – do not assume that everything a human being does is magickal. When I say it must be conscious, willed action, I mean it. If someone is conscious of the traffic on the road as they go to work in their totally thoughtless and unquestioning life, there is a base-line of magick going on there but hardly any worth mention.
In many ways Black Magic is similar to Venger’s Liber A:O, but more dry and directly-stated, geared towards picky rationalists. While I need rationalism to make up my mind, a religion has to be more Dionysian than the Temple of Set appears in order for me to like it. I see the CoC as a synthesis of LaVeyan theatrics, spiciness, and adversarialism with a Setian philosophy and maturity (plus aliens), which is why, ironically, the text of one organization convinced me to hitch myself to a different one.
FINALLY, some further reading suggestions.
The Roots of Coincidence by Arthur Koestler introduced me to some mysteries of physics, as well as mentioning some telepathy experiments which I’m going to have to investigate more thoroughly. This, and Shadows of the Mind, were on the Temple of Set reading list. Don’t underestimate those sages.
Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot was recommended to me by Venger. Another one of my more science-oriented friends later showed me an article summarizing its findings. At first encounter I dismissed as bullshit, but with my recent exploration of quantum physics, I am now open to it. I have not read this yet.
Cosmos and Psyche: Intimations of a New World View by Richard Tarnas was recommended to me by an astral-traveling, incense-burning, astrology-following, Tarot-reading friend of mine. It claims to have statistical proof for astrology as a factor in historical macro-trends. I also warn that this book seems to have some hippie white light “merge-with-nature” right-hand path trash in it. If human brains can be tied to particles in other galaxies, then yeah, I wouldn’t be shocked if our nearby planets and starts had an effect, though I stand by the left-hand path assertion found in the Corpus Hermeticum that whether astrology is real or not, you’re only truly free if you have used consciousness in order to overcome its deterministic influence. I have not read this yet either.
I also think people should not dismiss Marx and the Marxist tradition as having nothing to say on consciousness. It deals primarily with extrapolating everything as a result of underlying material and economic processes, which seems to leave little role for consciousness. However, the Cthulhuist critique is similar to the Marxist critique – people are acting like deterministic machines, and they should stop! Marxists were talking about the question of shocking people into new states of consciousness, and the interaction of distant phenomena, before Newtonianism was even called into question. Read Marx’s The German Ideology as well as the Communist Manifesto because hell, it’s short and it’s more of a theory of history than an emotional rant. Also get a reader of Italian marxist Antonio Gramsci’s works, because his whole philosophy was about the relationship between class and cultural assumptions we take for granted – he was against the concept of “normality” as a conservative and anti-revolutionary mode of thought. Also George Lukac’s History and Class Consciousness is obviously relevant but I warn that it is both difficult, not for people who haven’t already read a few basics, and extremely abstract, difficult, cosmic, and spacey, as any description of trends in the zeitgeist should be.
I will of course someday write a whole blog post about Cthulhuism and Marxism.
_________
(1) My family has personal anecdotal experience with literally dreaming the future, in ways that allowed us to alter outcomes (but never with anything actually important). No, I can’t prove any of this, but I’m saying it so you can know what experiences might have led me to believe what I believe. Quantum entanglement across time plus quantum entanglement in the brain offers me an answer as to why this crap has been happening.
(2) On a humorous note, when playing pool, I imagine reinforcing lines between the balls I want to hit and the corner I’m trying to put them in. Conversely, when my opponents are making a shot, I imagine a chaotic scramble of lines in all directions, like a moving scribble, on the pool table between their target ball and target corner. It’s such a hilarious wicked act of sabotage and disruption, like waving your hands in front the screen when someone is playing a video game. I don’t know how much control I’ve really attained in this regard, but it’s definitely a knee-slapper to watch their frustration as the pool table seems to be working against them, with them having no idea what’s going on in my head. Hey, it’s not cheating, they could do it too. (Is it cheating?)
Nakhometh Law-hater Visionary of the Nigrescent Feast Cult of Cthulhucultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/114
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Post by I AM the Way on May 12, 2011 8:31:54 GMT -6
To be a Cultist
What does it mean to be a cultist? In order to answer that, one must have a full understanding of what it means to be part of a cult.
What is a cult?
Cult, is a dereivative of the term CULTUS.
Latin cultus habitation, tilling, refinement, worship, equivalent to cul-, variant stem of colere to inhabit, till, worship + -tus suffix of v. action
In terms of a religious cultus, I will use a dictionary reference to convey meaning:
cult /kʌlt/ [kuhlt] –noun 1. a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and ceremonies. 2. an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult. 3. the object of such devotion.
Which brings me to terms such as worship, veneration, devotion and religion.
There are a few group projects in the works to aid people in understanding the contextual use of many of these terms. A cult Lexicon, as well as cult FAQ's are being coallated as we speak, and will be published for the benefit of public consumption. There are elements in which are truly occult in nature, and the acquisition of gnosis can only be obtained through study and practice.
In order for the newcomer to understand how these terms are being used in the context of the paradigm, it will require devotion to study and practice.
What is Devotion?
Fr. devocion , from L. devotionem , noun of action from devovere "dedicate by a vow," from de- "down, away" + vovere "to vow," from votum "vow".
What does it mean to take a vow?
To pledge or resolve solemnly to do, make, give, observe. To declare solemnly or earnestly; assert emphatically (often followed by a clause as object).
What is the Occult?
Latin occultus (past participle of occulere to hide from view, cover up), secret; disclosed or communicated only to the initiated. equivalent to oc- oc- + -cul-, akin to cēlāre to conceal + -tus past participle suffix .
I generally use the term Occult, to communicate gnosis hidden in plain view. Newcomers will experience this directly when in touch with cultists. Akin to not being privy to an inside joke. The cultists speak of it freely, but because the newcomer has not been initiated or acquired their own gnosis; may feel as though they are alienated from the group. This feeling of alienation may even become the catalyst for seeking initiation.
What is Gnosis?
Gnosis, is a Greek noun(f) to describe knowledge. It was in use by the Greeks to describe an aptitude (compentcy), of having learned vs. having become educated (programmed). It implies an ability gained, from learning.
The distinction between a 'user' and a 'cultist':
A user is generally a person who makes use of a tool or practice, to employ it for some purpose; and put into service. For example, a user will employ a shovel to dig a trench.
A cultist, is an initiate of an Occult paradigm. Gnosis is acquired to be used. A cultist experiments, practices, studies, mentors, and is shaped by the initiation. A cultist is devoted. Devoted to obtaining Gnosis, devoted to the the cultus which has aided him in refining himself, and devoted to his initiation.
Is a cultus programming?
Yes. Conscious and willful programming which liberates him from the unconscious influence which causes him to make unwillful acts. Suspending his preconceived beliefs, he may discover his harmful programming which makes him nothing more than a machine being run by a manufacturer. This willful programming will be transcended through initiation; and he will become what he has meant to become. A destiny manifested by conscious Work.
Trust
Yes, there must be trust. Trust in your own ability to know when you are being mislead, and when you are being lead by an effective leadership. You may seek to lead one day yourself, having followed a lead that brought you to a sense of accomplishment.
Willful Following
Yes, you are following a lead. A guide is setting the course by taking the steps in advance, even if we arrive at the same destination together. We are all students and masters of life.
Fellowship
We belong to the same class or group; united by the same occupation, interests, etc.; being in the same condition. In this case, suffering machines, food for the universe. Dare I say, food for the gods.
If you are tired of being consumed, you may seek initation. It is not for everyone, you may be content to be a user. This is acceptable, in fact we encourage it. The more you use, the more you know, and a step closer to a cultist you become.
It is through fellowship, that you may find yourself following a lead and strive to lead yourself. For, to become a (G)god, you must begin, at the beginning.
Users: I recommend to you, study, and interract with cultists. It would behoove you to be active in your pursuit in determining the distinctions yourself.
Hark! Who goes there?
For it is I, the cultist Cora'Sahn - leading the way. I Am the Way.
Cora'Sahn Priestess of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on May 20, 2011 13:02:16 GMT -6
Ok, this is the first video I've uploaded to the Directory of Awesome Posts. Not only is it a good deconstructive analysis of Satanism, it's also an accurate portrayal of the Cthulhu Cult through the politically active, sincerely self-examining, quantum lens of Nakhometh Law-hater.
Is the Venger praise as thick as R'lyehian ooze? Sure. Is that part of why I love this video? Of course. Is there possible danger in embracing that kind of ego-enhancing adulation? I've given it a little thought. If the subject is likely to sit on his ass for months on end while basking in the accomplishment reflected from another's eyes, then yes... such flattery should only be accepted at a distance. However, if the subject is moved to work that much harder, then I feel it's just peachy.
As I believe the latter to be the case, let me exalt our Visionary of the Nigrescent Feast wholeheartedly. Thank you, brother. I shall endeavor to do even more because of your encouragement.
Have something to say about it? Start a new thread here, find his video on the CoC social network, or post a comment right on his video's YT page.
Awake!
VS
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Post by I AM the Way on May 21, 2011 9:20:10 GMT -6
Power
What is power? Power is control, influence, the ability to do. It gives us those capabilities while facilitating our struggle for them. Simultaneously, it either informs or becomes our goal. You might want to read that again since it's a concept that defies rationality. Basically, I'm saying that power is not only the car and the fuel for the car but the motivation to drive some place. That's how multi-dimensional power is just on the surface! Power is generally thought of only as energy, a means. Because power is the ultimate means to an end, whatever end you happen to choose, it is universally acknowledged as the end, in and of itself. Power for power's sake.
I'm here to tell you, that power is more than that. Much more! Have you heard the saying, "power makes its own rules?" Ok, now we're getting a glimpse of how ineffable this concept is.
A full understanding of power is inconceivable. I believe that's what gives power its allure. We are drawn to it, occasionally repelled by it, and juxtapositionally lustingly fearful of it. Yes, lust. Power can give us anything we desire if only we acquire enough of it. And fear as well. Power can so easily destroy us if the powerful wish it (or the power Wills it - more on that later). The lust for power can lead to abuse which has been the ruin of many individuals. Therefore, it makes sense for us to strike a balance. But what kind...?
Is it reasonable to strive for only a moderate amount of power? Not really. Where do we draw a line? Moderate power is arbitrary and reeks of that same middle ground compromise nonsense which the Awakened despise and reject. Should we be selective about what kind of power is sought? Within the slimy green walls of the Cthulhu Cult, we pay attention to the individual, to the self. We observe, dissect, examine, analyse, and come up with theories. Oh yes, very scientific. Then, once we believe that truth itself is wriggling inside our firm grasp like an ooze-covered tentacle... it slips away. Truth and power. Power and truth. They are like cousins, like Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth; both concepts almost too large or substantive to discuss in ordinary circumstances. Use "power" on the street or talk of "truth" in the gutter; such a one-dimensional comprehension cannot be called understanding without insulting the word "understanding".
The Cult of Cthulhu is concerned with every aspect of power; however, we go after only those facets which are worthwhile; those which suit us and our purposes. Of course, they are usually hidden... sometimes in plain sight. Power over our machine is probably the most valuable. Try to envision self-control writ large or mindfulness on seven different levels. What could be more fundamental to an individual's continued evolution than self-power?
If power had a thousand tentacles, then how many of them could we grab in a single moment? I ask because it's important to know. A lifetime is only a series of moments. Try to grab them all and a Cultist might find that every tentacle has eluded him. Conversely, only focus on one and that may not be enough.
The will to power (German: "der Wille zur Macht") is a prominent concept in the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. The will to power describes what Nietzsche believed to be the main driving force in man; achievement, ambition, the striving to reach the highest possible position in life; these are all manifestations of the will to power. ~ Will to power - Wikipedia
I could hardly write an essay on power without at least mentioning Nietzsche. Friedrich Nietzsche was a huge influence upon me as a youth. Just as much as Anton LaVey. One thing that bothered me about the "will to power" was this - not everyone has it. Sure, it seems like everyone wants what they want, desires to get ahead, has passion, ambition, and so forth. But that just isn't true. Not everybody shares that drive which Nietzsche had, which I have, as well as, hundreds of Cthulhu Cultists. In fact, relatively few indiviuals continually seek to become that which is higher. If I'm wrong, then where are all the Super-Men?
This quantum religion recognizes this cold, hard fact: man does not yearn for power and an even smaller minority actively will it day in, day out. Yet, we do! Yes, the Cult of Cthulhu summons up the will to power! Again, let us not forget that focus must be given to the right kind of power. However, the masses... they don't have such need. As a whole, humanity is content to sleep.
Now that we've talked about the "will to power", what about the will of power? Power has a mind of its own, a will of its own, an agenda! Power, sometimes only a taste is enough, has the ability to change a man. Is this corruption? That depends. Is it good or evil? Again, it's relative. Power is a mystical force. What if power activated some dormant faculty? What if power is a key that opened a secret gateway... a part of ourself which is always silent, save for this energizing force? Recognize the will of power!
I do know this: the wielding of it shows us things. Not only the fearful lust for power, nor the claiming of it, but it's use. Wielding power builds certain muscles within us, essential muscles, which otherwise cannot be exercised.
As an visualization experiment, allow yourself to go mad with power for a time. Just to see what it's like. Because you never know.
Awake!
Venger As'Nas Satanis Ipsissimus Cult of Cthulhucultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/post/154
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Post by I AM the Way on May 24, 2011 13:11:47 GMT -6
The Illusion of Success
"Yup. I got this. What's next?"
I've taken another objective look at myself and I know that when I think these words I've allowed myself to stumble on the obtacle I'm calling "The Illusion of Success." It's right up there with thinking one is self-aware when one isn't.
A new 'I' has been recruited for the Work: the one that knows that there is no success in the Work except staying on the path and making daily efforts for incremental improvement. There is no success in the conventional sense because Mastery never ends.
Right after that, I understood why the Cult uses the word 'fanaticism'.
Shawn Hartnell Priest of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on May 30, 2011 12:06:41 GMT -6
I was just reading the Fourth Way book and my mind was wandering (probably mechanically) to the forum and the thread I had started about my confusions. I had a sudden realization or a new combination of my existing understandings about people that I thought I'd share since it might help you on your forum.
I noticed in the thread that a series of people responded at the beginning but then never responded again. Yet, you continued to respond. So I wondered why and it came to me.
As we both know, people act only if they feel there is something they will gain from it. There is no sense judging this, this is just necessary human nature. But online, when a discussion starts, this seems to manifest in the following ways:
1. A thread is started and the first, largest group of people sees it as an opportunity to air their own beliefs and/or opinions so other people will hopefully see the greatest of them and they will feel better for it (or so ego tells one). Without a challenge to them, this group of people is done. This group will usually be larger if the originator of the thread is new, giving them an opportunity to expose themselves to someone they haven't before.
2. If a challenge to one's opinions or beliefs occurs, a slightly smaller group will continue to post in the hopes that their arguments will completely convince the original person (or any new debater) that they are obviously right. Of course this is next to impossible, so this will circle until someone runs out of energy or the original point is buried deep enough that it becomes a personal fight and is stopped by a moderator.
3. Someone posts whose profit includes the continuation of the forum itself (in this case, you) and they will continue to post as long as they feel it is helping discussion itself continue.
The originator of the post is usually one of those three types. Either they want to air their opinion and will stop continuing the post if they feel it isn't being glorified properly, if it is being ignored too much, or if the energy just simply dies. Or they're the second type and they want to create an argument, and they'll continue as long as the energy for the argument exists on some side. Or they're the third and they are trying to create discussion itself to keep the forum going and will continue as long as their own personal energy continues, bolstered or not by the energy of everyone else.
In my thread I didn't argue with anyone directly so most of the first group dropped off pretty quick and there was no second group built up. Only you ended up responding because you're thinking of the forum itself. The only other chance it has is if someone else wanders across it who feels their opinion is great enough to add to it, or someone who feels an overwhelming urge to fight with me, with seems unlikely as I'm not giving off that vibe very well.
Personally, it was a little frustrating because I wished a little bit more pushing against to help clarify my own thoughts. But, as I'm still human, part of me wants the first case where everyone agrees with my thoughts and glorifies them. But my more conscious self would have appreciated more energy put toward helping my confusion, but that's how humans on the internet tend to work.
All this actually lines up pretty well with Ouspensky's three part school learning. Part 1 - self work. Part 2 - helping a second person. Part 3 - helping the school itself. Of course the mechanical version is (1) glorifying ones own ego, (2) fighting with people to make them see that you're right, (3) egotistically building up a forum to glorify oneself even higher.
I'd like to think I was heading more toward honest self help instead of just ego-building. A couple people moved a smidge toward trying to honestly help. And you seem to be honestly trying to work toward the building of something greater than just Venger's Super-Cool Evil, Lovecraftian Religion Board.
I'm sharing this with you because I recognize that as a forum administrator your job is to balance those three types of people to keep discussion going. And as a Fourth Way school, your job is to encourage people that it is in their best interests to (1) post things that will push themselves higher, (2) help other people, which in turn helps them, and (3) - the hardest - encourage other people that keeping the CoC and its various online tentacles going is also helping them.
So I hope this helps some, even if you already knew everything I've just said!
Alex aka pseudosherlock
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 2, 2011 10:56:56 GMT -6
The Experience of Religion
One of the original things that drew me to LaVey was the idea of a religion which required no belief but which still offered an experience.
Let's face it; there are a million little micro-religions on the Internet. This one is nice; it has a figurehead with whom I was already familiar, a cool mythos, some flashy concepts, emphasis on self-construction, Satanism's indulgence and adversarialism without its excessive dickishness. Okay.
Notice what I listed first: it has a figurehead with whom I was already familiar. While Venger and I do not exactly go back aeons, the fact is, he did reach out to me at some point (or maybe I to him? I can't remember). We briefly collaborated on a project, where we had some conversations through it and revolving around it. Over the process, Venger proved himself to be capable of simultaneously being something like a Satanist at the same time as not being a fucking dickhead. Is he perfect? No, I don't think so, nor do I have to in order to find his system generally valid. But I could tell he was zoning in on the more *useful* parts of LHP philosophy, and, well...he was a person with whom I had some kind of communication.
When I had my religious conversion to mind-matter dualism and Quantianity, I could have joined any number of groups, honestly. Above all I could have joined the group which gave me the reading that actually triggered this conversion, the ToS, which would have seemed like the obvious choice, really.
But no. I didn't. I went with the CoC. Why?
Because I hate things that are ideas alone. Because I hate "religions" which are really only webforums. I hate the idea of getting a little red membership card and having no involvement beyond that. I hate the idea that I have aligned myself with some organization without ever getting to meet that organization. I hate the idea that religion is not an in-person experience with more than intellectual exchange between members (one of my fears about the ToS; plenty of communication but still a very distant feel). I hate religions with no in-person contact between members. I hate religions without ritual, without EXPERIENCE.
There is something more to human beings than logic alone. There is sensation, aesthetics, emotion. There is the animalistic presence of human bodies, the multi-channel communication of body language, tone, facial expression -- perhaps the needed physical proximity of soul-resonance, as well. I tend to view logic as a mere tool which a person can use to fulfill their desires and passions. In Venger I saw the LHP experience embodied in his creepy, evocative, sometimes scattered but generally persistent, personage. In green lighting.
Now I am starting to get that ache, that ache that happens when my wild expectations are not being met. When I joined I think my subconscious was imagining something like the beat of drums, blasphemous chanting, a series of tests, lessons, or induced experiences passed from mentor to student. I've gotten barely a taste of that.
I am a somewhat impatient person, as all willful people are at some level. However I'm also a pragmatist. So I'm NOT throwing my hands in the air and saying "OMG THE COC IS A FAILURE/I QUIT." Indeed no. I know that the little taste I've gotten of the experience I'm looking for can grow, and grow, and grow. I know that I have a tendency to enter groups and bring a structured, expansionist, and general-member-oriented perspective which they sometimes didn't even think of until I showed up. To an extent that might be happening here.
I should also be clear: I have had experiences. I am learning ritual, I have already felt my Will intensify, I have a renewed sense of purpose, I have performed magic which at least in one case I think has actually worked very powerfully, and I was literally visited by some of the Shadows of the Outside. So YES -- I have tasted the experience of religion.
I WANT MOOAARR!!!11
The ache, of that experience I want but so far have only a tiny taste of, propels me to do something about it. In general, I want more ritual. More coordinated ritual between cultists. For now I'll just get good at it by myself, but that's the goal. I want a mentor who will tell me to do ridiculous shit just for the mental state it will induce, or the lesson it will teach (maybe). I'm tired of books, I want human beings. I'm tired of sites, I want rituals. I'm tired of ideas, I want experiences.
Some proposals. I'm not impatiently demanding immediate implementation here; just some ideas to roll around in your heads:
--Let's try the same ritual, at roughly the same time (the same day/week) if not coordinated down to the hour. Then let's compare notes/results. --I'd like to see some kind of mentor program kicked up not just from the occasional hello and question, but some kind of Fourth Way style *training program.* Such DISCIPLESHIP is what builds the hard core of an organization that allows it to expand. I wish I was experienced enough to do this for someone else; I'm not. --Ultimately, Cthulhuists anywhere near each other should attempt to meet. I'm in an organization that has an annual nationwide conference-meeting; basically all members are expected to attend. They also have regional ones. It is a huge hassle but it also does miracles for advancing and maintaining the cohesion of the organization. --Implement the buddy system not just by messaging but by phone/skype. Huge difference. --Conference calls and scheduled tinychats are good. www.freeconference.com, read it over, get a free account, easy peasy
If you have nothing to say in response, at least just say whether or not this resonates with you.
Nakhometh Law-hater Visionary of the Nigrescent Feast Cult of Cthulhu cultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/242
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 7, 2011 13:29:04 GMT -6
I debated whether if this should be posted or not. As I have said before, I find Venger Satanis to be inspirational but also I see, from my perspective, negative aspects in him that I believe he should abolish in order to fully Ascend!
We all have our flaws; some acknowledge them and others fear them. I have a connection to/with Cthulhu and the wide ranged Mythos, but I find a large amount of unproductive and negative activity stewing within the Left Hand Path. Aside from the negative aspects I see in Venger Satanis, his view of what the LHP is more “hitting the mark.” I can see and highly encourage others to see, that Venger incorporates RHP aspects into his view of the LHP which is bordering on the lines of evolving into something beneficial! The true Middle Path is one of two things:
1.) A path entirely un-related to the LHP and RHP.
2.) A path that incorporates positively productive aspects of LHP and RHP.
Venger Satanis is venturing into what will be viewed one day as a Cthulhian Middle Path – this is, in my eyes, the future of the Cthulhu Cult, assuming Venger Satanis stays on the path that he is progressing!
I would never have thought that I would be drawn into the Cthulhu Mythos as I have because there was a time when I viewed the Cthulhu Mythos as so many others did – fictional and useless! I don’t know if the Cthulhu Mythos is a Tulpa of sorts or it all actually existed one day! This may just be me but I believe that Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, Azathoth, Shub Nigurath, Tsathoggua and others are REAL! When I say REAL, I mean that I believe these deities/entities/demons etc. are Gods and Goddesses outside of the possibility that they are thought-forms even though I accept that possibility as well.
For example, I do not fully believe we evolved from apes but I do believe that we are, in some genetic manner, cousins to the primate family – in other words, I believe that it is a possibility we evolved from apes though I don’t currently believe we did.
Why am I worthy of joining the Cult of Cthulhu? Venger Satanis, for whatever reason, seems to see something in me that leads him to believe that I can be more than I am! This may just be Him projecting with everyone else but in many ways, as I have said before, Venger Satanis is more of a Messiah in my eyes than Jesus ever was! This is not an anti-christ (no NOT anti-christian but anti-christ – not the concept, entity, being etc. that is the Antichrist) statement either because I believe strongly that Christ was an individual, possibly even of alien or infernal heritage (including possibly Mary Magdalene and their child, Sarah!?), that gave man, women and possibly even children the knowledge to Ascend or Liberate Themselves from this Demiurgic Grip.
Technically speaking, I do not have to prove myself to anyone just as no one has to prove themselves to me but as an act of self-progression in the field of attaining knowledge I attempt to show my worthiness to join the Cult of Cthulhu:
As a child and growing up I have had a re-occurring dream/nightmare that was green (I would describe the shade of green but the source of the color seemed to have been coming from a lamp that emanated a green illumination which makes the actual determination of what color it was difficult but it was light green, possibly chartreuse but more on the lines of harlequin as it resonates with me!) but more importantly there was a giant atahe jeem coming after me but I do not remember if it ever got me or not! I believe this was a Call from Cthulhu even though I never knew of H.P. Lovecraft, Cthulhu Mythos or anything else like that! I thought, perhaps I saw a discovery channel special about octopi or squids but I don’t remember it!
I have seen the error of my ways in the past and that I was walking a road or pathway of ignorance. I now understand that the Cult of Cthulhu is NOT full of individuals that have awakened; it’s full of individuals yet to Awake! I say this because I have disliked a lot of things concerning the forum because every now and then I come across some LHP practitioners that ramble on about things that are not LHP such as materialism, hedonism, misogyny, etc.
In other words, I am ready as I always have been. I believe I was born onto this Path – to Awake! I do feel the necessity to join an organization that can guide me into Inha E’visht Janninoquai Ot Inha Byzt Ones!
There has been time after time where I was inspired with Ipsissimus Venger As’Nas Satanis and other times not so much... which I now understand why but only to a miniscule degree. Maybe I see IVAS as luminary within the world but because I view certain things as being unproductive to spiritual progression which He does or is, I took my anger out on Him as a way of saying, “My God, Venger! You’re a wonderful aspect to this world and my life, why do you have to fuck it up by doing this shit!”
That was rather intense but catharsis is something I need a lot of! I think I just want to see IVAS incorporate more productivity in this His life by incorporating the possibility that certain acts aren’t very LHP but then again we can’t make anyone do anything and we all could be wrong. I believe that a lot of the actions we take stem from psychological issues we have. This is why I am not a big fan of certain sexual behavior because it, most of the time, stems from a psychological root. Most people run away from these issues whether if they know they are running away from them or not. Some people don’t even consciously know that they are there.
Think of psychological issues being unintended strands of programming that got into your machine/system - glitches in our programming. When I say this I am referring to your programming either before or after you have re-programed it or worked out the bugs.
Since it seems like I am avoiding self-analyzation, I will say that I know I have flaws, I have issues, and I have a LOT to work on, but that does make me any less of a human being or Cultist than anyone else. Nor does it make me unqualified to examine others – in fact it makes me more qualified to examine the human nature as it does anyone else who shares this similarity!
I am not saying I am better or anything, just that I have learned how to use what seems to be a negative trait to my advantage. Doing this and rectifying the un-rectified is very LHP and Cthulhu Cult in my eyes; is this not LHP and Cthulhu Cult?
Serbahk Nect
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 29, 2011 21:58:40 GMT -6
Lying to Myself
I am starting to understand more and more how Ouspensky could say that we spend the majority of our time lying to ourselves. I had a realization of it today while I was laying on my couch reading. I tend to start reading during the day and then eventually start dozing and sometimes fall asleep. This annoys me as I want to spend as much time possible being awake and doing things. But I keep finding myself nodding off while reading things I want to pay attention to, which usually means I pass through a few paragraphs without catching any of it. I sometimes try to sit up more to make myself less comfortable so I won't doze.
But then it hit me today. I want to sleep. I like sleeping. The escape from the physical world that books offer me is a minor version of the escape that sleep offers me. So while I complain that I'm tired, another me is actually quite seduced by the idea of going to sleep and wasting away the day in dreaming oblivion.
Of course this is a perfect metaphor for the entire process of trying to awaken. Because, on some level, we all very much want to be asleep. It's easier. It's more comfortable. So we lie to ourselves and say we want to be awake, but really part of our mind is saying: "Yeah, but it will be so cozy to just slip back into unconsciousness."
So I started paying attention to my thoughts and found myself lying to myself about all sorts of things. Most of the time it was because I wanted something, or didn't want something, but I felt that it would be wrong to feel that way, so I cover it up with an anxious or frustrated thought/belief that makes it okay.
At work I've realized that I just want to be alone. I don't want people talking to me. So I sit on the phone hope no one calls. This makes me feel anxious because I'm hoping for something not to happen that obviously will. Then, on the calls, I'm trying to get them off the phone as soon as possible so I can be left alone with my thoughts again. This creates all sorts of other problems that are all work related and would be boring here.
All in all, I've found that I have this very strong desire to do nothing and have no one talk to me or bother me in any way. Basically, I want to be standing or sitting and completely unconscious and in a waking sleep. More so, I probably really desire to sleep and dream 24/7, if I want to be honest. So any sort of physical work, conversation, or responsibility drags me out of my desire to waste away. When I was younger, this was why I spent so much time watching TV. When I was older, it was why I spent so much time with video games. Now, I do a sort of sprinkling of both, but aware all the time that those things aren't helping me.
But somewhere, in the back of my head, is always that wish that I could just sit there all alone and have nothing expected of me. Of course I cover this want with all sorts of self delusions and beliefs.
And I'm quite sure I'm not alone. I'm betting most of America, for example, feels the same way. We'd like to sit on the couch, do nothing, watch TV, and have money thrown in our laps. (And somehow, be sexy, desirable, and fit, all at the same time.) But all that does is lull us into a mindless sleep. Which makes it very easy to sell to us and to keep us moving in the circles that benefit the few. Who are, sadly, just as mechanically chasing money as we are, just from the top of the totem pole.
The only response I can think of, for America, for people, for me would be:
Awake!
Alex cultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/313
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Post by I AM the Way on Aug 25, 2011 19:21:22 GMT -6
I suppose this is as good a topic as any for me to just jump right into.
For those of you who don't know me--and as far as I know, that would be every last one of you save for Lord Venger--I am Voraxith, Wizard of the Terrible Darkness. I am the Cultist you might have heard mentioned by our Great Ipsissimus as the one serving time in a REAL prison. I am Master of the Grotto of La'Ahmar, the only CoC Grotto located in a correctional institution.
Well, I am no longer in prison, and all the dark, dank, foetid ideas that have been brewing and stagnating in my monstrous brain are now ready and eager to be released out into this World of Horrors.
For that is why I am here, to finally express all of the shit that has be percolating within me for the last decade that I spent incarcerated, studying the occult in a prison cell. You talk about pain, you talk about the suffering enforced upon man by the lesser gods of this earth, but I have had a front row seat to the real shit-show, and let me tell you something: this Cult has it 100% correct.
I began studying the occult when I was sixteen--fourteen years ago. I began with Wicca, of course, and quickly graduated to LaVey's writings. Now, I am by no means an expert. I haven't read every book that is out there, but I have practiced what I have read, and that is what I love about the Cult of Cthulhu: it's potential for real-world application.
Every single tentacled creature that subscribes to the paradign espoused by Lord Venger should be exerting as much energy as they can to spread the Work of Cthulhu, and all the Ancient Ones, to everyone and everything around them. Cthulhu should ooze out of every pore--for in the writings of the Unwitting Prophet (that would be Mr. Lovecraft, of course) those mad souls who devote themselves to the service of the Great Old Ones are always inexorably driven into obsessive madness.
A perfect example of this is in the film 'In the Mouth of Madness'. While technically not Lovecraft--in fact, it was written as a scathing satire of Stephen King, perhaps the worst Lovecraftian hack ever (yes, even worse than Derleth!)--this film is a stand out testament to the effect that the Great Old Ones should have on those willing to dwell upon Them in any kind of psychological or ritual manner.
Take myself as an example. I walked into the Idaho prison system and was told that I would not be allowed to practice Satanism, nor possess its literature. Within just a few short years, though, I personally made certain that the Cult of Cthulhu was so ingrained into the meme of the prison chapel, that the thought of losing it was alien to both the inmates and the staff. We made ourselves known, and soon most people involved in the prison at least knew how to pronounce the Dread Name correctly.
So the question is 'why am I here?' In short, the answer is because I cannot not be here--Cthulhu just won't let me.
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Voraxith Wizard of the Terrible Darkness Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on Sept 7, 2011 11:59:14 GMT -6
“I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.” (John, 10:9)Yog-Sothoth, anyone?
CUTTING THROUGH TO THE ESSENCE
The first quote I want to bring up gives me delight, and I bring it up first because it defines the spirit which has guided my exploration of the Bible thus far. It is an older scripture which the New Testament repeated because Jesus quoted it, as he sometimes did.
These people honor me with their lips, But their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; Their teachings are but rules taught by men. (Isaiah 29:13)
I love this passage because it is extremely anti-fundamentalist. By that I mean, it dismisses people who believe in mechanically following the letter of the law. It instead asks people to move their hearts away from mere vocal or legalistic obedience, toward the reality of God, THE ESSENCE. In my readings I have not been so concerned with proving, disproving, or finding in/consistency in the Bible, so much as – what wisdom can I gain from it? What is THE ESSENCE? So against mechanical fundamentalism I propose a pursuit of the Essence.
And this pursuit of Essence turned out to be more than simply my method for reading the Bible, but also what I found contained within it.
SEEKING THE KINGDOM OF GOD
“It” has many different names depending on the culture, the religion, whatever. Even Christianity contained a few different names for it – becoming Born Again, finding the Kingdom of God, and of course the Holy Grail inherited from the pagans. The medievals called it the Philosopher’s Stone, the Prime Ingredient of alchemy, or the Language of the Birds. The Nazis had their own pantheon of “It” going on, including the Grail, the Swastika itself depending on interpretation, and a few others, like a bizarre belief that the world had once been inhabited by giants.
What is It, then?
Not an easy question. Perhaps It is nothing but a tidbit of nonsense which allows you to descend/ascend into an alternate state of consciousness. Perhaps it is the conviction that, no matter what happens in the material world, your spirit may always persevere. Perhaps it is total submission and surrender to higher forces. Perhaps it is living according to your True Will, your deepest emotions – maybe compassion, maybe hatred, maybe both.
My reading of the Gospels had made me conclude that It is all of these. To sum up the four primary methods briefly: total self-sacrifice, total compassion, hostility against Life/the World, and faith.
However, actually following these lifestyles has dire consequences for both yourself and others. That’s why most people don’t do it! Point is, actually achieving “It” placed Jesus in a position of Messianic Insurgency, turning him into an Insurgent Miracle-Worker. And now I analyze each.
SACRIFICE AND ITS PERILS
“He must become greater; I must become less.” --John the Baptist, Gospel of John, 3:30
Sacrifice is the cornerstone of living. For beings residing in the luxury of a nice ideal reality far superior to our own, they don’t have to make choices. We who live in material reality have to make choices constantly. And that means picking one thing and letting another thing go.
Therefore, you could look at sacrifice as central to the LHP as well. However, the Christian meaning of sacrifice was for a different reason than simply knowing what you want and having the discipline to choose it over other things. It was a devotional practice of self-sacrifice to reach a state of holiness.
This in itself is fine. In fact, it’s awesome, it’s a great idea. However, we get into a problem when we run into the fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. Again, I am against the fundamentalist interpretation, seeking the Essence and not the way it was clumsily articulated by the ancient human beings who experienced it.
The fundamentalists believe in sacrificing to God. And they do not mean a nice metaphor, signifying sacrificing your false personality to your Higher Self or something like that. They mean, put everything you’ve ever wanted on hold, and devote everything to a specific other being. Follow his instructions exactly how we wrote them out. Don’t exist as an individual thinking and desiring entity, except insofar as you dedicate yourself to God.
This is a really double-edged sword. There is the obvious LHP objection – I just gotta be me! However, the debate goes deeper than that. The radical break from what you considered “yourself” may be just THE TICKET for assaulting your false personality and reaching that higher state within. How far do you have to go with sacrifice to become Yourself? Do you, as Christ said, find Yourself by losing yourself in him? Should we really worry about individualism? If we achieve a higher Selfhood through submission, isn’t that still LHP?
But how do we know if this sacrifice is really our own self-becoming, and not just what it originally seemed to be – a self-annihilation pure and simple, which does NOT restore or heighten the self?
No easy answers here…
COMPASSION IS TRUE WILL – BUT SO IS EVIL
Compassion has gotten a really horrible reputation among the Left Hand Path, and let’s just spit it out, among Satanists. Many will correct you when you say that – they will say, no, see? LaVey had a compassion ritual alongside lust and destruction! But if you take an honest look at the way people talk to each other and treat each other, you will have to conclude that many Satanists have strong disdain for compassion.
There is good reason for that, of course. Most of it is a reaction against Christianity itself, which demanded compassion and nothing else. That was a psychological imbalance; hence the popularity of LaVey. But that scene is basically now “confused in reverse,” to borrow from Aquino. It overcompensated.
Compassion is the baby that was thrown out with the bathwater. However, not just compassion for people you have a reason to like – UNIVERSAL compassion, Christian compassion. Love thy enemy.
Compassion is True Will because it reaches beyond all boundaries. It is not limited by any category, by any personal circle, by any country, by any race, by any distance, not even economic class (my personally most rigid boundary). 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love.” This captures it perfectly. Universal compassion involves a refusal to avoid any of your emotions, any of your sentimentality. It is a refusal to let your inner life be determined by the petty conflicts of your external life – it focuses on the ideal world rather than the mundane. However, the problem me and many others have with Christianity are the passages immediately following: “But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” In the context of the rest of the passage, this is not about conquering fear yourself. This is about how love is obedience to God, and if you follow God’s rules you have no reason to fear his hammer. So this great, boundary-breaking Love is absolutely ruined because it is insincere, it is only about avoiding God’s wrath.
There is also this contradiction: if you really love everyone and everything, then you also have to love Hate and Anger, because they are part of humanity; and to love them, you probably have to live them. If the meaning of life is what I believe it is – boundless, lawless self-expansion – then lawlessness is key. You can construct grand systems, and you should. You should build yourself a stable life, be king in your own castle, if that is what you want. However, none of that means ANYTHING if you do not also stay true to the original spirit which constructed it in the first place – the romantic, chaotic spark which desires more, which negates everything you have built by subordinating it to the Next Thing – the simultaneously destructive, and creative, impulse. (For me, this personal dynamism is crucial to the experience of “It.”)
John said “Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.” (1 John 3:4) And THAT is why I say, then it is good to sin! Then sin, and evil, and bitter, impatient, desiring denunciation of all that exists, is good! Hatred of boundaries is good! Hatred of people who, despite your universal compassion for them, insist on defending or being boundaries, is good! Love them, hate them, all of it.
Catherine Machoun, in her book “On Becoming an Alchemist,” described one of the alchemic processes called “conjunction”: in a situation of conflicting loyalties and emotions, don’t try to simplify a complex situation. In your actions you may have to make a choice, but in your emotions, choose all sides. Don’t try to avoid your compassion for one or the other. Take your whole world into your heart. Feel the conflict, feel the burn, don’t run from it.
ANTI-WORLD/ANTI-LIFE
For such a philosophy of love, you might be surprised to hear that Jesus preached hatred of the world, and hatred of life. But the quotes back it up.
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple… Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of the sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17)
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. “ (Gospel of John 15:18-19)
You have to wonder if all this world-hatred is healthy. Groups such as the ONA critique pretty much all other religion as being “Magian.” By that they mean, having an attachment and longing for the Otherworld, in denial of/antagonism to This World.
I can’t blame them. My initial delvings into LaVey were motivated by a romanticized atheist brutal materialism. I said, rather than hating this world the way God does, instead I will love it. I will not condemn it. I will say that it has a beauty of its own. Instead of scorning “inert matter,” I will celebrate matter’s vibrancy, and delight in the fact that, as one of the Earth’s most powerful material beings, I am among the crown jewels of the substance of reality. “Stay married to the Earth!” cried Nietzsche, and I agreed. To hell with escapists, avoiding the problems of this world by scurrying off to hopes of heaven!
I haven’t 100% given up on this view. However over time it has occurred to me that maybe the mind has a reality of its own beyond the material, and that having this view does not make me any less sincere, authentic, or anti-escapist. In fact, my Will, this very chunk of myself that I can’t materially explain, is the centerpiece of all my strivings, all my overcomings. Perhaps it is, as the materialist determinists explain, merely a case of matter-overcoming-itself. Or maybe it’s not. Having a soul that may continue beyond this life does not necessarily have to dissuade you from seizing the day. Both the threat of death and the threat of a meaningless, uninspired eternity seem equally compelling, when dwelled upon, in persuading a person to live to the fullest.
However, does this even matter? Material or not, there is my will, and there is the circumstances it is up against. There is my Self, and there is everything else: the world. One of us pushes, the other pushes back, we fight for dominance. That is what my life is. That is ALL my life is. In this case, it seems like Jesus was right on target, the fact that he believed in spiritual explanations being of little relevance. He was revolting against his lot in life. He was refusing to let his situation determine his actions. He lived for what he lived for, regardless of the suffering incurred, regardless of the threat of death. His spirit triumphed, or as he stated in the Gospel of John, “I have overcome this world.”
FAITH
Faith is the crowning jewel of this process, I think. If you don’t give a damn about yourself, if you don’t give a damn about preserving your nice, neat inner calm from the emotional turmoil of the world, and you don’t even allow the world and its painful, deadly consequences to deter your actions, then it makes sense that you are pretty much writing your own rules as you go and even reality itself starts to bend in your mind. Maybe you can stay somewhat logical and rational about it at the intellectual level, but at the emotional level, you begin to develop Beliefs and Convictions.
A Christian coworker told me his pastor says, “To deny the Trinity is to lose your soul; to embrace the Trinity is to lose your mind.” And losing your mind is really the point, isn’t it?
“For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.” (1 John 5:7-8)
Maybe I’m missing some kind of reference here, or maybe it doesn’t even matter. It’s probably something to do with the water and blood that came out of Christ’s ribcage at the end, or maybe it’s a symbol of the Father, Son and Spirit. Ultimately it’s so vague that I have no idea what Jesus is talking about. Even if I did, the sheer power of imagery here serves to elevate what could be a totally logical point to a level of spiritual fervor that just makes you want to kneel before God, throw up a Roman salute, or jam a knife through the heart of an opfer.
Jesus spoke in parables (stories). Some people may think he did this to break things down into nice comprehensible symbols. Actually it’s the opposite – he was trying to confuse everything, so it would only make sense after he died. For the meantime his goal was to mystify:
“The disciples came to him and asked, ‘Why do you speak to the people in parables?’ He replied, ‘The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them.’” (Matthew, 13:10-11)
Anyone listening to Christ must have been entranced. Those who really got the point must have understood, if only instinctually, that the point was not entirely the logic of what he was saying, but the beauty; and the beauty of a teaching that placed this spiritual beauty over mundane rhyme and reason.
“Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24)
The meaning of this contradictory quote can be deciphered more easily, but the point is, IT MUST BE DECIPHERED. It has the ring of a poem or riddle. How can you find your life by losing it? Isn’t that nonsense? The teaching is not experienced as a truth relayed in literal form, but as a symbol to be decoded. The key is the aesthetic seduction of feeling the meaning bloom in your mind, rather than it being immediately evident. The sensations of that very moment of the meaning blooming is, in fact, probably the whole point. It is a “wow,” an alternate state of consciousness, it is “having your mind blown.” It is a holy feeling. It’s the feeling I get from reading Hegel or Lukacs.
Other quotes speak of a holy transcendence which requires a super-rational dissolution of one’s own mundane personality, much like finding the Grail or the Stone.
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Often such thoughts are dismissed by Christianity critics as fostering an attitude of hopeless dependence. Maybe they are right. It can also be interpreted, however, as parallel to Nietzsche’s advice that man should be a bridge to something, and the overhumans are people who attempt to overcome themselves.
What does Jesus mean about being Born Again? What is this magical water that can quench you of all thirst for eternity? Where is Jebus going when he says, “I am with you for only a short time, and then I go to the one who sent me. You will look for me, but you will not find me; and where I am, you cannot come”? (John, 7:33) To ponder it is halfway to achieving it. But when he wasn’t being poetic, he spilled the beans outright: “The Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21).
But Jesus really outdid himself when he quoted Psalm 82:6 – “I have said you are gods.”
Well Holy Shit, if this isn’t the Left Hand Path smack in the middle of an otherwise Right Hand Path text, I don’t know what is…
INSURGENT MESSIAH
This is where a lot of the political trouble comes in, though at the same time it seems to preach an avoidance of such worldly involvements. If anything, it is “metapolitical” – a disciple just does what they do, and if their life of uncompromising dedication ends up causing a revolt, that wasn’t the main objective, but it probably doesn’t hurt, either.
As anyone familiar with “Watchmen” or “The Incredibles” knows, people with superpowers tend not to have great relations with the authorities. The mere fact that Jesus was fulfilling the prophecy made him an immediate threat to both the Roman authorities, who feared an assertive Jewish nation, and the sell-out Pharisees who stayed in the favor of the empire by making sure that Jewry stayed obedient to Rome.
After miraculously feeding a giant crowd with only seven or so loaves of bread, “Jesus, knowing that they intended to make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.” (Gospel of John, 6:15)
In John 9, Jesus healed a blind man. When the Pharisees investigated the situation, they interrogated the miraculously healed man. However, their “interrogation” revolved around a certain set of answers that they wanted to hear. Simply for swearing that a man healed him, the Pharisees labeled the formerly blind man as a duped follower of this threatening wanderer – and to be labeled a follower of Christ was to be labeled an insurgent against Rome. He merely retorts that “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” (John 9:25) The most frightening example of Christ’s power was probably when he force-choked a fig tree Darth Vader style. (Again, not in character for the Prince of Peace.)
“Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, ‘May you never bear fruit again!’ Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.’” (Matthew 21:18-21)
What was so scary about this was not simply his ability to bend reality, nor even the revelation of his ability to cast Avada Kadavra, but the idea that others could learn his power. Jesus was much like Neo, the Anomaly, from The Matrix. People merely seeing him at work broke all the rules and revolutionized their minds.
One of the most obnoxious traits of Christ for the Pharisees was his reckless honesty. When you hate the world, you have less hesitation about publicly pointing out its shortcomings in front of large amounts of people. This happens to include the shortcomings of the ruling order. This total openness, total fearlessness, discredited the authorities when they attacked Christ because it was clear he had nothing to hide:
“The high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and his teaching. ‘I have spoken openly to the world,’ Jesus replied. ‘I always taught in synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews come together. I said nothing in secret. Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said.’ When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby struck him in the face. ‘Is this the way you answers the high priest?’ he demanded. ‘If I said something wrong,’ Jesus replied, ‘testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?’” (Gospel of John, 18:19-23)
It’s not like they had no reason to be pissed off. He had talked plenty of smack on them earlier:
“Watch out for the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and be greeted in the marketplaces, and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely.” (Mark 12:38-40)
“They [the Pharisees] tied up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” (Matthew 23:4)
Jesus, while certainly God’s gift to the Jews, eventually made himself clear as the savior to all, breaking racial lines. The following passage almost reminds me of 1950s American segregation.
"The Samaritan woman said to him, ‘You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?’ (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.’” (Gospel of John, 4:9-10)
I can almost hear someone saying, “But whites aren’t supposed to talk to negroes!”
Jesus didn’t simply preach this disregard for society’s rules; he lived it. In a break from his characterization as a pacifist, he fucked up the flea market/currency speculation gig that was infesting a synagogue:
“When it was almost time of the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, ‘Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!’” (Gospel of John, 2:13-16)
Ultimately Christ’s vision was that everything would collapse and be replaced with a different order.
“Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains.” (Matthew 24:4)
Even in casual conversation he saw doooooom:
“As he was leaving the temple, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Look, Teacher! What massive stones! What magnificent buildings!’ ‘Do you see all these great buildings?’ replied Jesus. ‘Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.’” (Mark, 12:1-2)
This has all sorts of political effects. When people think a catastrophic collapse of their governments is about to occur, some people get the idea in their heads to fulfill the prophecy ahead of schedule. There’s something about giving people a vision of systemic downfall that shakes off the authorities’ veil of invincibility, and lets people think a rebellion can win.
After all, he came not to bring unity but division:
“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -- a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.” (Matthew 10:34)
There is something important to keep in mind here, though. A Messiah is not like an ordinary political leader. Obviously a Messiah tells much more truth than they do. But it is not simply the things they say, nor the skill with which they say it, nor the public’s usual truth-deprivation. It is not what a Messiah says, but what they Are. All of their external activities, their effects on other people, simply flow out of what they Are. Many people can sense the difference. They are so uncompromising in their wills that they seem to inhabit their own heads more than they inhabit material reality.
A Messiah does not have some ulterior motive for which the religious aesthetics are merely a cover. If a Messiah has a mission in the external world, such as the expansion of their religion or a movement to change something, it is merely the logical outgrowth of what they Are.
There are other ingredients, sure, but a Messiah differs from other spiritual seekers or mundane leaders by their overwhelming drive, and their total practical commitment to it; not to their own petty ambitions, but to some principle. It helps if you’re not an idiot, it helps if you know how to talk to people, and it helps if you have done a good bit of reading and extracted some wisdom. But all of these will come, in time, if you have the drive. Though others may not follow, and such may not even be necessary, a Messiah can always say,
“I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (Gospel of John, 13:15)
Nakhometh Law-hater Visionary of the Nigrescent Feast Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by I AM the Way on Sept 14, 2011 14:29:21 GMT -6
Left and Right
I recently watched a very interesting video on Ted.com about a brain researcher (I won't pretend to know her official title) who had a stroke on the left side of her brain and suddenly became aware of the differences between the two hemispheres when one basically shut down on her. If you're interested, the video is here:
www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html
Her basic breakdown of the two sides of our brain is as follows:
Right Side - Sees all existence as one and uses intuition and pictures to think and feel in. It is aware only of the present moment. Blissfully happy.
Left Side - Sees itself as separate, or I, and uses stored information from the past to analyze the present moment and thereby extend predictions for the future. Easily worried and jumbled. What would be called the "monkey brain".
When I first heard about this I started realizing that the Left Side is the side that meditation and self awareness drowns out. It's the running commentary in one's head that makes everything miserable. So the goal of most enlightening paths or religions would basically be to shut off this side and favor the Right Side. Which started me thinking in a dualistic fashion wherein the Left Side is the bad side and the Right Side is the good side.
Then it hit me. The Left is not inherently bad. It's simply a tool. A computer. It runs future simulations of everything occurring in the present based on the data it's been fed. Just like that old programming adage: Garbage In, Garbage Out.
If an impressionable child's mind is fed the input that 80% of responses from other beings will be negative and judgmental, then a few years later the adult brain is going to "reason" that there is an 80% chance that anything coming from another being is probably negative and they're being judged.
In other words, the present moment is inherently neutral, and it's up to the programming of the Left Side to analyze it either in a positive way or a negative way. And this tendency is based on what data it was fed years before. So the key to gaining control of one's life would be to analyze what data has gone in and what data is false or unwanted and reprogram it.
After all, there's so much talk in self-help circles about the monkey brain rambling all the time and this just distracting you from the now. But if your biggest problem was that the Left Side of the brain was constantly telling you how great the actions you just did were and how wonderful tomorrow was going to be, would it really be that bad?
What I'm trying to say is that I owe the Left Side of my brain an apology for all the bad things I've said of it. It's only just doing its best to do its job with what it was given.
We all just need to feed it better data if we want it to give us better results.
Alexcultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/post/442
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Post by I AM the Way on Sept 28, 2011 13:49:40 GMT -6
I have just begun reading this interview, before I lose my training of thought, I had to mention my "take away" on the answer which Master Satanis gave. Here are the questions and answers...
Question:
In his book, The Psychology of Man’s Possible Evolution, Ouspensky describes the human mind as composed of myriad little “i”s , each attempting to assert its dominance over the body-mind complex at any given moment. He further states that these little 'i's must be made subservient to a larger big 'I' (the Magnetic Center) that may be either dormant in man’s natural sleeping state or else wholly synthetic and created by an awakened human being.
Three related questions:
Is the magnetic center, or soul, something everyone has or must it be created?
How does one create or realize such a magnetic center?
If we might be permitted to conjecture on life beyond death (something which we obviously know nothing about), could one conceive of the magnetic center as being a pre-requisite for transcending death?
Answer by Master Satanis :
Great questions!
A magnetic center must be created. Our 'I's will not organize properly by accident. Without recognition, without purpose, without authority... a collection of 'I's is nothing. Every sleeping person has these worthless 'I's which means nothing substantial can get done.
Recognizing that we are always full of and controlled by these 'I's is the first step. Then a student of the 4th Way must find those 'I's that wish to work, to make progress. Lastly, certain work-related 'I's need to be put in charge... otherwise all you'll have is unproductive chaos.
Eventually, a magnetic center can become crystallized within us... but that is a longer process.
Indeed, achieving magnetic center is a pre-requisite for transcending death. There's the melting pot of half-formed souls which gets constantly recycled not unlike the idea of reincarnation. On the other hand, a select few can enter the next phase with their essence or soul intact. Hopefully, every Left Hand Path practitioner seeks to enter that unknown dimension as their true self. unquote>
My take away :
This is the Cult of Cthulhu, the Cult is our Magnetic Center. The Cult is a Magnetic Center of on a larger view, the big picture, ok, I will go so far as to say the Left Hand Path. The Cult may be quite possibly the Magnetic Center of the Left Hand Path. Now this help me to understand Master Satanis vision for uniting the Left hand Path, because the Path is so huge and so individualistic, so diverse, so sly man theology. Now I agree with Master Satanis and his Vision, the Left Hand Path needs a Magnetic Center, now I understand when he says do you know what we could accomplish with Unification?
My other "take away" is this the reason why I am here. I am here to learn, grow, and share my experiences from the Magnetic Center, the Cult of Cthulhu, how to achieve getting my I's centered. I want to know how to make forward motion in my Life, how to become aware, how to become conscious, how to go about the "Great Work" the Cult of Cthulhu is that Magnetic Center where I learn from the other 'I's, fellow cultist, just how to proceed, along with all the shocks, the comparisions, and the contrast, I need to accomplish my goal as a Cultist, and at the same time hopefully helping the Cult of Cthulhu accomplish our goals as a Cult, under the direction of one 'I', the first follower, the lead of the Great Ancient Ones.
Some fellow Cultists may not agree with this anology, and understanably so. I know this is just one comparison, for the Cult has so many degrees of perfection. In conclusion, how do I learn to escape this materialist, mechincal world and deeper my machine? By being here, in the doing and applying consistently? The Cult of Cthulhu shall never die !
Now in retrospect I have answered the questions in " To Be a Cultist" given by our Priestess of R'lyeh Cora'Sahn :
Each initiate should ask themselves:
1. Why would I seek initiation? 2. Am I in process of initiation and how would I recognize it? 3. Do I understand the paradigm I am initiating into? 4. Do I understand the goals of the organization I seek to initiate with? 5. Am I a user or a cultist? 6. Why is this distinction important 7. How do I ascend? 8. Why should I be ascending?
This interview and the answers Master Satanis excellently gave helped me to answer these questions, and helped me to answer the rest of the questions in the essay. In this interview, Lord Satanis gave me a "working definition" in a nutshell. He helped me to formulate and line up my answers to these questions. He gave me a Magnetic Center, so to speak. Now am I a user or Cultist? A user is using the tools that the Cult of Cthulhu provides to help him achieve his goals. Using my energies, a right use of my energies would be to become One in Essence with the Cult - a Cultist.
Excellent Interview! Thank you, Ipsissimus Satanis.
Some experiences are so profound they alter our DNA,
Talek Esoteric Herald of the Old Gods Cult of Cthulhu ...
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Post by I AM the Way on Feb 17, 2012 15:32:03 GMT -6
Greetings,
I know what you all are thinking - they announce that Ascension time is here, and I pop up suddenly out of nowhere, making all kinds of requests, driving everybody insane. But that is not the case; I have been thinking about my Ascension essay for some time. I have been way under deep, but it is clearing up and things are brighter... for now.
I remember when I started on this path 3 years ago. I thought I knew everything and that nothing was impossible for me. I realized, after years of studying Yoga and other Occult wisdom, that nothing pops up easily. The most valuable wisdom comes after years of dedication and hard work; the most precious gains come from putting in real effort.
For me, used to have everything handed to me on a silver platter, it seemed that this was something worthwhile. Off I went, without having the slightest clue what was to become of it. Now, 3 years later, so much has changed, and I sometimes wonder where I would have ended up if I had not followed the Fourth Way.
The first lesson was self-observation and after some time of observing, I felt the need for advice. The advice I was given was to find my chief feature. I was told that finding it by yourself was extremely difficult and would not be managed until after years of careful examination. After all this time, my chief feature is still hidden, yet in plain sight.
But I did not stop there. I did a lot of observing, and I found out many things about my identity that I had not been aware of. I saw that I had a long way to go. On I went, studying and observing, but, as in the past, I see now that I can easily be distracted... forgetting myself in other people's problems. I understand that I had been hiding all this time, always telling others how to do things without doing anything for myself and so on.
But things were changing. I could tell, I had studied some of this self-helping stuff in the past but this was different - much different. I began to realize that there was no turning back. I had to see this through.
Then came up the questions about Magnetic Center. I began to study deeper, digging into my identity. I had been working on the chief feature, and this was some stuff! I can tell you, all my life I was into Yoga, the almighty God in the universe. Well, not God exactly, I had always focused on the fact that there was one force keeping it all together. That was what I believed in, I had no idea about other Gods, the Left Hand Path was a mystery to me, but a path I was probably on all my life or a big part of it. Things started to unfold, the mysteries of the multi-verse were opening up to me, and all was changed.
I began to focus on my magnetic center... how was it made and what was it to start with? Well, that was easy; I decided to come out and open up about what I found to be the center of my existence: substances I had been using (abusing) most of my life; that I was an addict. My Magnetic Center evolved around substances, and that was it. I began to work with this truth. That was not an easy task, I can tell you. All the denial and self-deceit and the wrong ideas in my head about everything.
Then began the struggle with identification. That almost finished me! As you probably know by now, identification is something that is always taking place. It is not until you realize it, that it becomes uncomfortable, and you sometimes wish that you could just go back and sleep - like in The Matrix, when Cypher decides to sell out his friends so he can be plugged back in. Well, it is not as easy as that. There is no turning back once you start, you either go through with it or you will die. At least, that was my opinion.
But I struggled on and on, day by day... progress was made slowly but steady. I sometimes slipped back many squares, but on I went. I could not stop. I had at some time in my life performed the ritual of Kort'thalis. I believed in it; I thought it was the mightiest symbol I had ever come across. The ritual was performed in the darkest days of my existence. I had been through hell and this was to be my way out of it... or so I thought, but it did not turn out that way.
After the ritual was done, I felt much peace and calmness - which was only the still before the storm. I almost drove myself mad in the process, but the ritual was done and I would not be able to rest until some change had been manifested. I went into rehab and back out, everything turned against me. Why? Because I was not honest, and I still have to pay for it today. I could have had a much better situation if I had been straight forward. But I was living a lie, and that hunted me day and night. I always had Kort'thalis kicking my ass, so there was never peace.
Have I ever wished that I had skipped the ritual? Well, I thought about it for over a year before I went through with it, and I never regretted it. It was the changing [reconciling] force in my life, for that I am grateful. I had some direction, sometimes it was all I had. It was hard to sleep after the ritual. I felt something stirring around me and sometimes I cannot fall asleep because there is always something in my room, looking at me, driving me on.
And I was always observing, I had come to that part where I was able to monitor myself constantly, and there were still facts popping up that I had not been aware of. It seemed that new things and emotions came out every day. I was just beginning to understand my existence, how everything worked; things started to fall into place and much happened, but I was not done. Oh no, I was just starting. I had been following the advice from teachers, reading posts and working with fellow students.
After having terrible visions of death and dread, there came the article about metanoia. I realized that I had been through something like that, not the exact thing but close. Was it to be brought on from time to time? I was not sure, but I was having difficulties. I was working on kicking bad habits ,and that was not easy. I have not managed to do so, still, but I am working on it. Slow progress can be frustrating, but I have to accept it as it comes. Today I am thankful for my studies of Yoga, though I am not a master, it has helped.
Well, that was last summer. I thought that I would be stuck in this for the rest of my life; it did not matter where I turned - I could not get any understanding from anywhere. As before, I had to rely on myself, no one could make the change but me. I started to accept that no one was going to do this for me, that was sure. Yet, I sank back into the madness, the drug frenzy... it almost got the best of me. I was finally so depressed that I was going to take my life. It did not matter what others thought, it was my business and mine alone. The feelings of others did not matter.
Why did I not go through with it? Well, I had been wishing that all was a lie, that it was nothing more and when I would die, I would just go into darkness and never have to live again, but I could not sell that idea to myself, it was always strong in my mind that I would have to go back again and finish what I started. I did not want to go back to square one. I had to see this thing through. I could not run and hide. I was sure that I had been at this point earlier in my life and failed - I was not going to do that again!
I started to cut down and sober up. I relied on the hospital and doctors to help me. Unfortunately, the lies caught up with me. I had turned the system against me, and I was being bullied by the doctors, just like when I was a kid in school. Everyone picked on me because I was different (special some said), but I had turned my case to the specialists. Everything was working fine, but then I went back to see what was to be, to find out that I was being played with and ridiculed; I was furious. I was so mad that I almost completely lost my mind. All the work I had been doing was for nothing; I felt so small and insignificant. I came to my home and everything was spinning. I felt like being in a giant whirlpool, when I was sinking under ,going down the drain, I had little but my hand standing out. I was thrown a rope, pulled out, and on that rope I am hanging. It is strong and I am trusting.
I realized that I had been through, what might be called metanoia. I had crashed on the ground, laid there for some time, broken. But I was able to stand up after some time. I felt this calmness which I had never felt before. The days after were strange but much better. Finally, there was something in my life worth fighting for, and it was not substances. The need for them started to diminish, change had come.
Since then, I have been looking differently at things, more focused on my work. Even though I am not free of the stuff, I have been able to minimize it to almost nothing using will power. My work is paying off a little... that is enough for me.
Two or three weeks ago, I decided to do a ritual including a friend I had recently been introduced to. After that, I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. The day after, I could feel a big change. I was sitting in a bus, feeling weird - then I realized what was happening.
I had been focusing on digging into my past, I had many months before come to the conclusion that my chief feature must be depression. I got the advice that there laid the key to who I am, so I dug and struggled to find out how I had been before the breakdown, in my youth, when all changed and, I turned into this crazy person, the addict. I wanted to remember. The task now was to go past this terrible pain that constantly controlled my life and made me go under again and again. I wanted so much just to go back to that phase in my life when I did not have to rely on painkillers, when the pain was not so big that I could not handle it.
And that day in the bus, I realized that I was remembering. I was back into the old mood I was in before this terrible pain came... the pain I had brought onto myself. I was responsible, no one else, no matter how much I wanted to blame someone else, I could not.
I had about 15 minutes of self-remembering. Though it was only a state of mind, it was a start. When I realized this, I could have jumped over my head! Finally, my work had shown progress in the direction I was looking for. I know that I can go further back, I have had an experience that I felt similar to when I was very young, one of my first memories, when I was maybe 2 or 3 years old. It is so clear in my mind, I felt like I felt then for some time, not very long but long enough to get a grasp of my past and how I felt when I was young, before all went down.
What changed going through the metanoia? Well, my dream came true, and though I have to go very far to chase it, it is really worth fighting and changing for. It is what I always wanted in my life, but I waited so long that I had to learn by making many mistakes, to be broken down in all ways possible. Without my experiences, I would not be able to go through with it and make my dream come into reality. It is a long way to go still, but I am patient. That is one thing I can be.
So what have I managed to accomplish in 3 years? Well,when I started, I was weighing 100 kilos. Yes, I was so fat that it was hard to move around, and working was almost impossible. However, I was then working my way out, though I did not know what lay ahead of me, one of the first things I got interested in when I came here was that I should not be afraid to let my dreams come true. If there is anything you want, go for it. Do not be afraid to let your fantasies come true.
There was something I had wanted for many years. I began to chase that dream. I started working out, I was on my bicycle for hours every day. I walked a lot, changed my diet, eating habits, and I was able to go down to 85 kilos in few months. I got the girl I wanted, and it was a great experience. I would not want to miss for the world. It changed my perspective in so many ways and today I can look back and say, well, at least I managed that.
Understand that, at that point in my life, it was all I ever wanted. By setting my mind in motion I was able to do what had always been so hard for me. I got the courage to go after that dream and that would not have been possible without the Cult of Cthulhu. I learned much.
So, by setting my will right, I was able to lose all that weight. Today, I have changed from eating junk food to eating almost only healthy food. I look much better, almost skinny. I have a strong body. I have worked hard, and now I am ready to start living properly. It is all because of the Fourth Way school ~ Cult of Cthulhu, the other members and Brother Satanis who was never far away with his advice. The teachers, my friends here , and so on... I can proudly say that today my life would not be the same if I had not joined the Cult and worked up my rank. I remember filling out the application for Herald of the Old Gods. It was a turning point in my life, something new and interesting and something I really wanted.
Today, I pride myself on having a nice, clean home. I take better care of myself than I used to. I have learned that I cannot change everyone around me, it is I who have to change. No one can do that but me. I have had heartbreak, people I considered friends for a long time have turned against me. They hate to see that I am making progress and they can have none for them selves, but I remember a lesson from Beast Xeno, like 2 years ago and there he talked about how this would happen. So, it was not a surprise, but it did hurt. I will have to live with it. I chose this path, no one did that for me. On I go, day by day, week after week, months turning into years.
There is much ahead of me, but now I have come back here to learn and share my experiences. I hope that some of you might learn a lesson from my work. I am here to work; that is the only thing that matters at this point.
For those of you who stood by me in the past, I thank you. For those who have come here since I went hiding, I welcome you. May you gain what you want and something you dont want... it is all part of the process.
When the stars are right!
K'zin Z'tari
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