Post by lokidreaming on Aug 11, 2012 21:17:42 GMT -6
Book Review Struggle*: - A Breakthrough? Finally?
Loki Dreaming’s Journey So Far
This book to contain lots of different aspects of gnosis which in turn is liken to deciphering a glyph or parable and when one finally unravels these mysteries to explain in depth one can write a book or several books regarding each piece of gnosis covered in these three books; in turn quite a few of these individual pieces of gnosis is similar in several belief systems.
Which is why, I have been stuck in limbo trying to tackle a proper response to this book study, mostly due to me being overwhelmed where to start due which was compounded by reading other books at the time which I related to the knowledge/understanding/to know which tackled a different branch of GNOSIS via Aleister Crowley route and at my hospo course some of the growth and knowledge I learnt there I also was relating back to what I was learning via these books.
Also, I have performance anxiety issues regarding sharing my progress and sharing with others due to some traumatic experiences which I have been struggling with for quite a few years which also added to my mental anguish.
Just before I started the book I was aware of how I was starting to become a walking encyclopaedia and that I needed more knowledge as I was hungry for more knowledge and related to all the analogies of people/robots/etc. cravings for more knowledge as it wasn’t enough and was having trouble coping with this also.
On top of that I getting frustrated again as 2 & 1/2 years in to my ten year plan I felt like I was failing miserably.
SO,
I started to have bad bouts of I/O error as I was processing and cross referencing these different interpretations of the same piece of gnosis and trying to present my conclusions with the minimum amount of negative flow on effects as I understood the dangers of what can happen to a person when they are not prepared for certain types of information and also was lacking in confidence in myself and my conclusions.
I felt like I was mentally about to explode inside out, like in the Scanner’s movie.
I felt like my sanity and reality slipping.
I started doubting myself and questioning if everything I learnt and experienced was real or was I was play acting and deluded in the head.
It was not a fun experience mentally for me.
Due to this experience I finally understood how the movie and book interpretations of someone who seeks GNOSIS can succeed or go bust like the characters in the NINTH GATE movie, how the HP Lovecraft stories was spot on, the analogies of wise men getting too close to the flame and burning to ash, and the tales of those misinterpreting GNOSIS and then implementing this false GNOSIS or distracted and tricked on the path of GNOSIS to the point they go BUST.
I count myself lucky I got through this very dangerous rough patch, as I know a lot of people before and ahead of me was/will not be so lucky.
Was it fool hardly for me not to reach out for help? Perhaps
Why didn’t I reach for help? Damn foolish pride and other related BS
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Right?
Only reflecting back on this am I slowly understand and grasping how close I was to going BUST and how this had a negative flow in other aspects of my life.
As I am writing this next part I am trying to piece together how I overcame this rough patch.
Best answer I can come up with is that I isolated myself and lived a hermit like existence alone with my own thoughts and reality (I had three and a half weeks break in July and I spent most of it in my room by myself), indulging in the distractions of my passions of via poker, music, writing essays, food and also the determination to keep on treading water and not stop treading water until I reach a breakthrough.
Just before July break I received a response post which rattled me (another group I am with) and made me doubt myself and question my commitment to the groups I was with even more which basically made me focus on non-group work related posts.
Strongly suspect I ended up doing things for the wrong reason but intuitively did the right things and when I can piece out why and how it worked I will be a much stronger and competent Sorcerer aka isolating myself and working on non-group related posts was the right thing but haven’t worked it out fully yet except for one, Poker, as it is one of muses/sources of power/reservoir of energy I tap into to strengthen myself.
I know that overcoming this hurdle does not mean I have succeeded; it means I need to be more vigilant and careful from now on, cos next time I slip there is a greater chance of me going BUST.
This unique aspect of going BUST is what I have witnessed since my teenage years and is applicable to all belief systems.
I.e. A new born Christian back sliding (again) and when they do it is a big BUST and sometimes they never return.
This is the truth as I know it and this truth cannot be sugar coated.
What a downer!!!!
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
-Robert Frost
Back at square one,
Full circle completed, again?
Just like The Gunslinger in The Dark Tower Series
Something completely different?
Within time I will know via my actions or lack of actions.**
Most of the time when ones attain a breakthrough like this, instead of coping with the destructive negative energies one now need to harness the newly released and destructive positive energy associated with breakthrough/attaining a new understanding in turn one needs to remain vigilant and not celebrate too early and do the necessary tasks to maintain a balanced CHI.
Belief IS Reality
Loki Dreaming
*Boris Mouravieff Gnosis Books 1, 2, & 3
** Either one overcomes and transcends to is stuck in limbo forever destined to go round and round and round in endless circles.
Loki Dreaming’s Journey So Far
This book to contain lots of different aspects of gnosis which in turn is liken to deciphering a glyph or parable and when one finally unravels these mysteries to explain in depth one can write a book or several books regarding each piece of gnosis covered in these three books; in turn quite a few of these individual pieces of gnosis is similar in several belief systems.
Which is why, I have been stuck in limbo trying to tackle a proper response to this book study, mostly due to me being overwhelmed where to start due which was compounded by reading other books at the time which I related to the knowledge/understanding/to know which tackled a different branch of GNOSIS via Aleister Crowley route and at my hospo course some of the growth and knowledge I learnt there I also was relating back to what I was learning via these books.
Also, I have performance anxiety issues regarding sharing my progress and sharing with others due to some traumatic experiences which I have been struggling with for quite a few years which also added to my mental anguish.
Just before I started the book I was aware of how I was starting to become a walking encyclopaedia and that I needed more knowledge as I was hungry for more knowledge and related to all the analogies of people/robots/etc. cravings for more knowledge as it wasn’t enough and was having trouble coping with this also.
On top of that I getting frustrated again as 2 & 1/2 years in to my ten year plan I felt like I was failing miserably.
SO,
I started to have bad bouts of I/O error as I was processing and cross referencing these different interpretations of the same piece of gnosis and trying to present my conclusions with the minimum amount of negative flow on effects as I understood the dangers of what can happen to a person when they are not prepared for certain types of information and also was lacking in confidence in myself and my conclusions.
I felt like I was mentally about to explode inside out, like in the Scanner’s movie.
I felt like my sanity and reality slipping.
I started doubting myself and questioning if everything I learnt and experienced was real or was I was play acting and deluded in the head.
It was not a fun experience mentally for me.
Due to this experience I finally understood how the movie and book interpretations of someone who seeks GNOSIS can succeed or go bust like the characters in the NINTH GATE movie, how the HP Lovecraft stories was spot on, the analogies of wise men getting too close to the flame and burning to ash, and the tales of those misinterpreting GNOSIS and then implementing this false GNOSIS or distracted and tricked on the path of GNOSIS to the point they go BUST.
I count myself lucky I got through this very dangerous rough patch, as I know a lot of people before and ahead of me was/will not be so lucky.
Was it fool hardly for me not to reach out for help? Perhaps
Why didn’t I reach for help? Damn foolish pride and other related BS
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Right?
Only reflecting back on this am I slowly understand and grasping how close I was to going BUST and how this had a negative flow in other aspects of my life.
As I am writing this next part I am trying to piece together how I overcame this rough patch.
Best answer I can come up with is that I isolated myself and lived a hermit like existence alone with my own thoughts and reality (I had three and a half weeks break in July and I spent most of it in my room by myself), indulging in the distractions of my passions of via poker, music, writing essays, food and also the determination to keep on treading water and not stop treading water until I reach a breakthrough.
Just before July break I received a response post which rattled me (another group I am with) and made me doubt myself and question my commitment to the groups I was with even more which basically made me focus on non-group work related posts.
Strongly suspect I ended up doing things for the wrong reason but intuitively did the right things and when I can piece out why and how it worked I will be a much stronger and competent Sorcerer aka isolating myself and working on non-group related posts was the right thing but haven’t worked it out fully yet except for one, Poker, as it is one of muses/sources of power/reservoir of energy I tap into to strengthen myself.
I know that overcoming this hurdle does not mean I have succeeded; it means I need to be more vigilant and careful from now on, cos next time I slip there is a greater chance of me going BUST.
This unique aspect of going BUST is what I have witnessed since my teenage years and is applicable to all belief systems.
I.e. A new born Christian back sliding (again) and when they do it is a big BUST and sometimes they never return.
This is the truth as I know it and this truth cannot be sugar coated.
What a downer!!!!
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
-Robert Frost
Back at square one,
Full circle completed, again?
Just like The Gunslinger in The Dark Tower Series
Something completely different?
Within time I will know via my actions or lack of actions.**
Most of the time when ones attain a breakthrough like this, instead of coping with the destructive negative energies one now need to harness the newly released and destructive positive energy associated with breakthrough/attaining a new understanding in turn one needs to remain vigilant and not celebrate too early and do the necessary tasks to maintain a balanced CHI.
Belief IS Reality
Loki Dreaming
*Boris Mouravieff Gnosis Books 1, 2, & 3
** Either one overcomes and transcends to is stuck in limbo forever destined to go round and round and round in endless circles.