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Post by luxcthonis on Dec 22, 2007 22:58:55 GMT -6
In response to your original post Jasmine, i want to say thank you for sharing the experience, and also, your words are an inspiration to me. It was your words which prompted me to be a good Cultist and read the EI site, and now your words here and in other posts, coupled with what Valkyrie has told me in the past, inspire me to investigate the 4th Way teachings more deeply. I have also had some interesting experiences with Awakening lately, albeit short of duration, and with less frequency. I am sure that I am on the verge of fully attaining the first step of Awakening, that of the Cold Reality Absurd. But I will accept it with pride and determine to progress further onward.
~VLL~
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Post by amnesiac on Dec 24, 2007 4:50:49 GMT -6
Wow Jasmine that is very powerful what you said there for being balanced makes things to do much easier. I am really glad you posted this. Same goes for H'smack'Li, this is really great to hear!
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 24, 2007 4:53:18 GMT -6
Observation showed me I have no real reason to exist.I am planning to drink myself to death in the near future.Peace!
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Post by luxcthonis on Dec 24, 2007 5:56:13 GMT -6
Maybe you just got that first stage of Awakening, I hear from what Venger says that it can sometimes be pretty brutal. I know that you are more advanced than I am in magic and such, so it is no doubt that you have most likely come close to it, if you did not attain it altogether. I actually thought of doing the same thing a few years back...still think of it sometimes.... But here is something: You do have a purpose. We all do. Don't ask me what it is because i have no fuckin idea! I feel the same way as you do about it; but one day I realized that other people react according to my actions... This was most startling to me for it meant that my confusion and malice and hatred influences others to varying degrees. How can I justafiably, and knowingly, influence others when I myself am searching myself for the "truth" which exists in nothingness? There came a choice: to try and be the best that I can be for myself first, and others second (those you care about obviously, there is no point doing something for someone who will not appreciate your efforts). So, I advance in order to please myself. I know that I walk alone. I know. And this scares me, but I will not be deterred from my purpose...my magnum opus...my life's work.... ...Whatever the hell that is.... ~VLL~
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Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 24, 2007 6:01:07 GMT -6
Well, you better get your new body up and running then since I'm getting sick of your whining! ;D (Please don't be offended. And don't make any permanent decisions when you're hammered.)
Or try to force this current "vapid waste of inedible flesh" corpse to do your bidding. Are you so weak you can't even manipulate your body? Quit drinking constantly goddammit, that's one thing that makes your body into something you can only hate!!!
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 24, 2007 8:23:23 GMT -6
Good point,I'll try not to make important life decisions when drunk... Because its obvious I get controlled by the low of alcohol.Damnit...just wanna get close to the subconscious and feel them vibes like I did before...I don't wanna be a depressed mess from it though,I will formulate a way around this.
We have two sides,productive Jameson and unproductive Jameson (resulting from drunkenness).I need a pole to jam in between the twisting gears of the downfall when drunk while still remaining productive.The negative side I portrayed is atypical of me no doubt.Gonna have to think this one through
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Post by luxcthonis on Dec 24, 2007 13:15:52 GMT -6
You and I seem to share a similar problem Jameson. I too feel largely unproductive at times, and wish i could control the productive self with greater efficiency. I think for me this comes from smoking weed, and I know I should quit. I have felt it resonate within me as the right thing to do in order to pursue my advancement and greater Awakening. Perhaps we should quit simultaneuosly. I will do my utter best to support you on your decision should/when you choose to do so, and I assume you would do the same for me, your fellow deity. Us Gods must walk alone together if we are to survive (I speak as a madman). Tell me what you think. ~VLL~
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 24, 2007 18:53:36 GMT -6
I'd definately support you but I dunno if I can or want to stop drinking.When I tried ,I smelled it in everyone and had to start again...I still have to think about if I'd quit
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Post by luxcthonis on Dec 25, 2007 17:37:11 GMT -6
Yes think about it, I must also, because I don't really want to quit...the thing is I know I should. Thats the difference. I know it is inhibiting my own development (not saying this is true in your case), and it is also a waste of time if I consider the amount of energy wasted on merely trying to acuire it constantly, not even to mention the money! Truthfully, the only reason I have not given it up fully is because I use it medicinally (I know everyone says that). I have...something...either bipolar, or schizophrenia to a certain extent (every attempt at a diagnosis has been obstructed somehow. I prefer Xenognosis:), and I don't take meds anymore because I do not like what they do to you. So I smoke weed to keep myself from turning into Jeffrey Dahmer, or Paul Mcartney. The former is okay, I could live with that at least, but the latter...*convulses* ~VLL~
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Post by sin on Jun 9, 2008 8:34:22 GMT -6
practice this excercise daily:
tell yourself aloud, "I am not here. I am not myself. I am not real."
Venger Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priestwww.CultofCthulhu.netVenger, Is the object of this exercise, to break-down the walls of perception? If we perceive reality as subjective reality, doesn't that also apply to how we perceive ourselves? If I perceive myself to be 'X' identity, and deny it as a daily practice, isn't this a form of self-deceit and self-delusion?
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 9, 2008 10:02:55 GMT -6
it would be self-deceit and self-delusion if it were not true. the fact that all our many identities replace consciousness with artificial personality means that we aren't real.
for instance, every motivation you have that changes from day to day or week to week is false when held up to the ideal of your True Self. are you concerned about doing well on an exam tomorrow, conflicts with co-workers, what you're going to eat for lunch, and so forth? these things are just surface distractions and have little or nothing to do with what is deep inside each individual. when deciding to wear brand "X" jeans has more of your attention than focused self-awareness... you are not real, not then.
most people are about 90% illusion and 10% real. after considerable work (which a few Satanists and similar types have already put in - way before coming to the Cult of Cthulhu), this ratio is reversed and then the individual can start to have will, the ability to direct his or her life. until then we should all be reminding ourselves that "I am not here. I am not myself. I am not real."
Venger As'Nas Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priest
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Post by sin on Jun 9, 2008 12:32:24 GMT -6
I see, well that makes sense. Thanks for the clarification. It seemed a little out there, considering all of the time and effort I have put in thus far to be my 'true self' vs. my illusionary self.
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Post by I AM the Way on Jun 9, 2008 14:39:26 GMT -6
not all my generalizations can be applied to specific individuals. i think that a lot of people who come to the CoC have a definite head-start when it comes to Awakening.
VS
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Post by sin on Jun 10, 2008 13:30:20 GMT -6
not all my generalizations can be applied to specific individuals. i think that a lot of people who come to the CoC have a definite head-start when it comes to Awakening.
VS Understood, this is where the forum comes in handy to clarify any misunderstandings, or to have questions answered quickly and directly.
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Post by jasmine on Jul 7, 2008 19:48:11 GMT -6
I see Jasmine as a personality construct no more and no less. I agree with Venger, one has to come to the realization that they do not really exist before they can realize what is real. I am that I am not. That is the phrase that kicked me in the teeth. Opened my eyes and let me feel my Self for probably the first time....consciously that is. But I have babbled on and on incessantly about it all over this site ever since it happened and I don't want to belabor the subject. Ia Cthulhu!!!!
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