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Post by lucofthelight on Apr 29, 2010 15:57:25 GMT -6
There is an important next step once we have realized the terror of the situation... rejoice.
Knowing our place in the universe, as horrible as it is, reveals something extraordinary: a way out. Seeing the prison and the gate leading to freedom means that we are that much closer to escape. So, I recommend banishing any thoughts of hopelessness and feelings of self-pity. Our destiny awaits, and the journey is easier to manage with fellow prison-breakers. Focus on your liberation and rejoice!
Rejoice for the Emerald Kingdom is at hand,
Venger As'Nas Satanis Cult of Cthulhu High Priest
Thankyou for your wise words Master Satanis. This period of feeling like a fish out of water will not stop me. I can see even though things feel strange and unusual I have a choice. This gate you speak of leading to freedom is what drives me at this point. Ia Ia Cthulhu Ftagn! Awake!
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Kai'Sigth
Adeptus
Dreaming Herald of the Old Gods
Posts: 32
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Post by Kai'Sigth on Apr 29, 2010 19:14:35 GMT -6
Over the last few days or so of intense immersion in the work several self truths have presented themselves, resulting in an evening of horrid epiphanies. Epiphany 1; My life is akin to a sick joke. I have no life aim or direction. Sure, I can pretend that I have a life direction but I really don't. It is up to the universe at this point. I am asleep. Epiphany 2; In my so called waking hours I spend a large portion of it in what they refer to in the work as 'Imagination'. Useless imagination. Things that didn't really happen, stories that are created by my mind that are added to what happened. Or as a way to justify myself to be the righteous one. Daydreaming. If I think of an event I might replay it and imagine it in a way that is more appealing to my ego, or an I that is in control quite possibly. Epiphany 3; I lie to myself that everything is fine when it is not really. My machine suffers, it's moving body uses up energy on useless movements and energy wasting tension. My emotional center is going through a period of blankness. I have done quiet well to stop the expression of negative emotions but there is a void that is quiet unnerving at this point. Neither happy nor sad, calm nor angry. Strange. My intellectual center is also drawing blanks at the moment. It is sleeping, no original thoughts, just the same old patterns playing out in reaction to the circumstances I am under. I'm bored of the things that I'm usually interested in. Things seem dull. After all I'm asleep most of the time. Things are automatic. I'm disgusted in myself that I can lie to myself and deceive myself. I thought I was a reasonably decent person. However, sometimes I see myself in self observation and see the way I react as cruel and unforgiving. A cold robot response to an insane world. This is the human condition. This is sleep. I want to Awaken. I want to lessen the suffering. Hail Dread Cthulhu! Awake! Beautiful. Terrifying and beautiful. It's quite terrifying indeed, but we must be as the Void, should we not? Let us not panic or fear in the face of such realizations. This is what I have recently learned. That I can be in control, if I thus choose so. I do not have to fear any longer. It will no doubt take some work. This is something nothing else in this world has been able to give me, control. I believe tonight, before I rest, I shall focus on the void, the Work, and meditate with the Old Ones in mind. I am still a large part asleep. I admit that I have yet to grasp certain concepts within the Work as others have already have. I fall back asleep too easily, I can be distracted quickly. This is something I must work on. Awake!
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Post by lucofthelight on Apr 30, 2010 17:13:28 GMT -6
Sometimes it even humours me in self observation to see just how pathetically mechanical I can be. It can be truly terrifying in the moments of confusion but in the moments of wakeful clarity it can be quite funny to view yourself and a sense of direction can appear. I'm beginning to feel that in longer periods in the void one can begin to develop will, after all what else is there to develop in nothingness. It is only a concept for me at the moment and a definite thought but I see it there just within my grasp. I just have to begin to do it.
Hail Dread Cthulhu!
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Post by nixx on May 2, 2010 4:34:54 GMT -6
We all get distracted, brother, its part of being broken machines! The important thing is realizing it & working to do something about it. Lord Satanis is right; despite the misery of our condition, we should rejoice that we've found the way out!
The Void is a nice place to be. The more I do with the Work, the more time I find myself spending there. Emotions are our demons, but they also are our teachers. They help us to learn about our machines & find the means for our escape. The Old Ones are our guides in the CoC; each represents a way out & a path to Awakening. Keep up the good work!
Awake!
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Post by lucofthelight on May 7, 2010 18:17:45 GMT -6
I must say that I am astounded daily by my machine's natural inclination to remain asleep. After frequent practice of self remembering and self observation over the last week a certain amount of energy has been freed up to direct productively into my practices, until something happened that wiped out my energy stores. I should have seen it coming but such is the inclination to remain asleep.
In this particular case it was a co-worker who got to me. This person is in a more senior position and takes advantage of the situation by coming in late daily, holding other people up with their work, moaning constantly and being an all round unethical, two-faced, alcoholic waste of precious energy.
I resisted the temptation several times to talk to another co-worker about our predicament as it usually ends up going nowhere except to lower workplace morale and create a feeling of injustice. However, I succumbed and felt the positive energy I had created with 'the work' fade away fast. I knew it was happening, I didn't want it to happen yet I found it very hard not to slip back into a reactionary position. After roughly two days of falling back into sleep I found it incredibly hard to find the energy to self remember and self observe. It was only after a weekend morning stroll that I could see what had happened;
This senior worker is much more asleep than I am, hence the constant excuses, lies and cover up's said person makes. The person is controlled by a multitude of negative 'I''s resulting in a very unhealthy lifestyle, physically, mentally and emotionally. Addictions, laziness, self deceit and self denial. Though interesting the person is the first to criticize another for even the smallest shortcoming or mistake. I think this is what riles me the most.
With all that said I still have a choice to make. Give in and despise this person with a whole heart as I normally would, or try something different which may lead to me keeping my energy for much more productive use. I am going to do my utmost to choose the latter. How does it help me to despise the person and waste my energy like this? It doesn't. It's unfortunate that I have to deal with this on a daily basis but should I let it affect me? No! I see this as a wonderful challenge now to train in this aspect of 'the work'. This is a perfect opportunity to triumph over a negative situation and I will work around this situation with new strategies and techniques that will benefit me. Is this the difference between Satanism and The Fourth way?
Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn!
K'ara Kaiul Herald of the Old Gods
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Post by beastx on May 7, 2010 18:44:25 GMT -6
I must say that I am astounded daily by my machine's natural inclination to remain asleep. After frequent practice of self remembering and self observation over the last week a certain amount of energy has been freed up to direct productively into my practices, until something happened that wiped out my energy stores. I should have seen it coming but such is the inclination to remain asleep. In this particular case it was a co-worker who got to me. This person is in a more senior position and takes advantage of the situation by coming in late daily, holding other people up with their work, moaning constantly and being an all round unethical, two-faced, alcoholic waste of precious energy. I resisted the temptation several times to talk to another co-worker about our predicament as it usually ends up going nowhere except to lower workplace morale and create a feeling of injustice. However, I succumbed and felt the positive energy I had created with 'the work' fade away fast. I knew it was happening, I didn't want it to happen yet I found it very hard not to slip back into a reactionary position. After roughly two days of falling back into sleep I found it incredibly hard to find the energy to self remember and self observe. It was only after a weekend morning stroll that I could see what had happened; This senior worker is much more asleep than I am, hence the constant excuses, lies and cover up's said person makes. The person is controlled by a multitude of negative 'I''s resulting in a very unhealthy lifestyle, physically, mentally and emotionally. Addictions, laziness, self deceit and self denial. Though interesting the person is the first to criticize another for even the smallest shortcoming or mistake. I think this is what riles me the most. With all that said I still have a choice to make. Give in and despise this person with a whole heart as I normally would, or try something different which may lead to me keeping my energy for much more productive use. I am going to do my utmost to choose the latter. How does it help me to despise the person and waste my energy like this? It doesn't. It's unfortunate that I have to deal with this on a daily basis but should I let it affect me? No! I see this as a wonderful challenge now to train in this aspect of 'the work'. This is a perfect opportunity to triumph over a negative situation and I will work around this situation with new strategies and techniques that will benefit me. Is this the difference between Satanism and The Fourth way? Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn! K'ara Kaiul Herald of the Old Gods It is not. Rather it is the synthesis of them. Rise and Conquer!
When the Stars are RIGHT!
Beast Xeno First Priest of R'lyeh Cult of Cthulhu
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Post by lucofthelight on May 7, 2010 22:07:41 GMT -6
That's the answer that I was hoping for.
By his loathsome tentacles!
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