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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 15, 2007 13:59:40 GMT -6
As I walk home from school mostly intoxicated and depressed for reasons I don't know,I saw the truth of immortality.This main self is weak,he is too afraid to lose his virginity,to converse with people on the outside,he has no idea what he wants in life either.He is a COWARDIn short he is severely flawed.I will kill this body sooner than later.But I will return as I have many times before.
In fact, I have seen the new body and experienced life in it briefly.This body,though physically desirable is a flawed glass to which this liquid soul has formed to.The sooner it dies,the sooner I create the world and the self I desire.Perhaps I will return to this site as someone else.Through ritual ,I will be sure to leave some memory and no fear of death.
I may die many times,and in each case I will cycle through many bodies.Flawed bodies with mental and physical problems will be scrapped by suicide until I am satisfied with the self that comes with the body.Through magic ,I will ensure this memory as well as others.
You see, this body is flawed and depressed .Though it has physical needs,mentally it lacks the necessary traits for happiness: That which is Jameson is weakness,as such it is disposable.I no longer fear death through realization of eternity.I am god but I have chosen to be in one body as I have many times.I will surely have many more bodies and create many more worlds in which for them to live.Life is cheap when your immortal,such is the case.
I have seen my true self,that I am is proof I am all,that I am god ,or else I'd be you or he,or all at once but unknowing.When this body dies,I...the true I shall continues and continue to kill these bodies until I am fitted to a satisfiable mold.The Great Old Ones include none other than I.I laugh at the human attempt to find answers,be they occult or the superficial dumbness of the average knave.I am the answer-immortality and all that man struggles for.Within the next few years this deteriorating body and mind will wither and die,but I shall be once again in a new skin.
I may rewrite this universe as nightside ,or keep it as is and return when you are all old,but you will know ,for I will tell you.
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Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 15, 2007 16:05:07 GMT -6
Hope your next incarnation will be more sufficient. Come back soon!
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 16, 2007 13:24:12 GMT -6
Well now,I can't leave just yet.Simply have to remember not to binge drink so that I may avoid irritability.
Though there are many more places where this formless essence will root it's consciousness and though I breifly experienced existence in my new flesh (damn it was the most bizarre and ineffable experience ever)What my lifes work must be now is experiementing and ensuring before I die ,I rituallistically transmit memory and occult information to my next form.
I want it to live even more comfortably than I am now.Since its a clean slate,it will have its own set of issues and style of reasoning far different from my own.As I say,the soul is like water molding to the glass.Lets add a little vitamins to that water or better yet,embed some data
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Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 16, 2007 13:28:52 GMT -6
Great plan. I must also study and attempt the same when I feel like I have to let this body go, which will hopefully not be in a long time.
As it is said: A time to live, and a time to die.
Choosing the moment of one's physical death can be efficient in preventing the corruption and degeneration of the spirit.
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 16, 2007 13:31:50 GMT -6
Choosing the moment of one's physical death can be efficient in preventing the corruption and degeneration of the spirit. Though not as learned as others on the subject,I think Crowley may have known this
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Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Dec 16, 2007 13:40:39 GMT -6
My favorite "earthly" writer Yukio Mishima thought that the ideal and most beautiful moment for death is when one is in the prime of his or her life. From that point on it tends to be a downward development for many. Actually determining when you're at your pinnacle and completely unable to proceed further can be difficult, though. And a lot of people tend to live their dreams and plans through their offspring when they've gotten old enough to become unable to achieve anything by themselves instead of committing suicide...
He himself regretted greatly that he'd let his body become old and ugly (though he wasn't even 50 yet) and committed a very theatrical & sensational suicide in the early seventies.
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Post by youma on Dec 16, 2007 19:18:59 GMT -6
(will NOT talk about necrophilia)
However Jameson is young, I believe. His body still has the potential to be an effective tool, and his brain can still master new techniques. If he really is to reincarnate and salvage his current experience, he would still have to spend a couple of years as an infant as none is born fully grown. Perhaps the impossibility to use certain habilities for such a long period of time would lead to losing them; it could be better to gain more experience before taking such an immense risk.
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 16, 2007 20:40:32 GMT -6
My work is not yet done,however if I slow time I can do so much more and then I dunno,maybe 46 or 32,possibly 69 would be the best ages.23 is my year for glory ;D I intend to stick around to enjoy it.
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Post by iconoclasm on Dec 17, 2007 20:56:19 GMT -6
I owe much to this place,hung over and having walked out angry and depressed in the middle of a failed final,I felt suicidal and sure I'd take myself before 23.I failed to swing at some shit talking clown and I hated myself for not beating his ass into the ground.Hated myself for failing .
But being here,I dont feel that way no more.I feel optimistic like I passed and like if I beat that clown's ass,Id have a reason to commit suicide right now because me and tight places dont work too well.Though I doubt you realize it,every bit helps.Thanks guys,I will not have my plans derailed.Optimism as always.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 11, 2008 4:24:39 GMT -6
As I sit here lucid I am awe struck.I have discovered something about myself.I am an empty vessel lacking in any true identity whatsoever.So i put on faces of people around me,on TV,in books,from my imagination and from cartoons.
My persona is not always my own.There is a core of actions that are always definite in any set of mannerisms or faces I adopt.I can only assume from a behavioral psychological standpoint,these traits are but the result of my environment and upbringing. (a strange emotion overwhelms myself,the type that sends a man to weep uncontrollably but Ill not indulge the outer gods)
In fact,I am nothing.The decisions I make are generally immature,haphazard and are bad.Such is a continuously imprinted pattern.Nothing is ever truly completed or will ever be in my life time.
I wouldn't be surprised if such an empty vessel such as I am assaulted not by the faults of others but astral demons of my own.It wouldn't surprise me if they enter bodies of empty people and take over the emotional states of such people.The feeling of things entering me as I sleep,it all makes sense now.
The lights are on...but nobody's home (very eerie words to me for some reason and quite fear provoking on a massive level...weird)
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Post by jasmine on Jan 11, 2008 11:12:39 GMT -6
I have to say I have really been observing your growth Iconoclasm. I wish you did not need to drink so much as it clouds judgement. I pass no judgement upon you though, as I have done similar things in the past myself and cannot say I did them for any better reasons than you do now.
I was really taken back by a couple of your comments....the realization that you are nothing is profound.....what you seem to be missing is the flipside that in nothing can also be found everything.
Now that you know that the true nature of the universe is nothing and we create everything around us....I think its empowering to realize that most of what creates the negative things in my existence are demons of my own making.
I personally find it a happy thing to realize I am only fighting myself because that is a known quantity not an unknown.
This is not to say that there are not astral thingys out there that can have a go at you.....I just refuse to believe that we are really at the whim of fate. Are we mages or are we mice?
I am a mage and I choose to recreate reality as I see fit. Not be subject to it. You have a strong force of Will.....focus it on yourself and you will be rewarded.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 11, 2008 18:48:38 GMT -6
I think everyone should commit suicide. Then we might actually get somewhere. Besides, death is fun. *rrrip!* tee-hee
(edit: actually, I just had a realization: that you may not have been talking of physical death. You see.....ah fuck it. Why would I explain myself to you?)
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Post by youma on Jan 12, 2008 6:49:14 GMT -6
I shall no longer feel bad about my occasionnal necrophilic fantasies. You are crazier than me ;D
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 16:53:39 GMT -6
oh your a necrophiliac too? awesome! Yes, I am probably one of the biggest loonies here....which makes this the perfect place for me ;D
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Post by youma on Jan 12, 2008 17:38:15 GMT -6
Lets team up and break into a funeral home in Hérouxville!
If they consider that people can't make simple moral judgements on their own, it's ok to act immorally there!
(Note to non-Québécois: Hérouxville adopted a so-called code of life that puts wearing foreign clothes and eating Kosher food on the same level as witch burning and genital mutilations. I say if I am to put common sense aside and do something really nasty, I'd rather do it there.)
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 12, 2008 19:25:40 GMT -6
I'm with you. If you would like to get together, pm me, or hit me up in an email. I am simply DYING to fucking do something of some relevance. Even if it is corpse ejaculation, LOL! Excuse me, I am a nutcase.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 12, 2008 21:54:35 GMT -6
Please do be sure to take pictures for us and post them up LOL .Its not my thing but I am amused easily. ;D
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Post by youma on Jan 13, 2008 7:19:16 GMT -6
I'm afraid I'm not a criminal mastermind, I know nothing about breaking into places and avoiding getting caught. Unless you have some expertise in that, I'd be too scared of going to jail. But hmm... if something of the sort was to be done, I wouldn't mind it if pictures were taken, as long as my face isn't visible on them, but actually, knowing that I'm giving lulz to the masses would probably make me feel better, morally. You know, several months after breaking up with my last boyfriend, he called and emailed me several times, trying to convince me to feel guilty for not meeting his expectations despite his "great patience." I told him to kill himself if he couldn't live without me. He threw a tantrum about how I had no right to tell him that and I figured he's thanatophobic to go that mad at a mere mention of his death (I mean, sure it's nasty to order someone to commit suicide, but it doesn't force him to do it for real!), so I insisted and said he should kill himself with a gun, at my door, because I wanted his cold stiff corpse for Christmas. How mad he was is nothing compared to what it would have been if he had known I actually masturbated to the thought. Hahaha, if a magus here can force him to do it, I'll pay him good money! ;D I'm a nutcase too
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 13, 2008 10:51:40 GMT -6
How sad it is when a person can't consider their own death.
Before my more ruthless rituals,I pretend that I am a corpse, a nice loose collection of bones or maybe a blackened and yellow bloated corpse with its face blackened;but I enjoy visualizing myself as the Egyptian catacomb corpses.Something about it induces a high and a permanent self image that I don't want to let go off.More readily able to work with spirits and feel the apathy needed to end an existence of someone.
That said,it probably isn't worth risking prison for necrophilia if your going to go robbing graves and stuff, but I'm sure there are some nice alternatives.
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Post by youma on Jan 13, 2008 19:03:50 GMT -6
No grave-robbing eh? We'll have to drive you to suicide, please sign a declaration of sexual consent before anything. And that of course is out of the question, we want you alive, corpses just don't type fast enough.
VS would probably not like forum members to plan criminal acts on the boards, gotta bet the US government keeps an eye on Satanists and the like and have a look every now and then, there are many fundies who'd love to have an excuse to bust some Pagans.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 13, 2008 19:53:05 GMT -6
Bah! you know we never actually do anything we talk about! All talk no action That said, fuck the government, fuck social standards and moral codes, and if VS thought this (or any) thread was a real problem it would be removed post-haste i'm sure. Besides, freedom of speech.... Graverobbing is one of my favorite things (along with whiskers on kittens and packages tied up with string). Criminal? You mean all of that is against the law? OH! you mean man's law... I follow only the law of the A:O...which is the law of myself. Youma, its so nice to hear you are a nutcase too! I think we have a few here in QC! lol! But we need more Cultists! A Crusade for a Cthonic Quebec! This isn't at all what I meant to write, i can't think straight. Today was a good day, and I am relishing it. as for criminal mastermind, well... a little bit of psychosis goes a long way;) More like a mad pseudo-scientist with no respect for human life.
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Post by youma on Jan 13, 2008 21:08:35 GMT -6
I respect human life, it's death that's dirty and should remain so. Yeah by crime I meant stuff that gets you arrested. And the all talk and no action is probably true, I'm a coward Though if you know where and how not to get caught, hmm... I added you to my MSN, if it's ok with you.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 14, 2008 0:50:30 GMT -6
Hell yeah, its okay with me, I haven't had a reason to use it in a while now. Bah! Anything can get you arrested these days, just farting wrong can land the damn SQ at your door, haha! A quote from Recipes for Disaster: An Anarchist Cookbook: "You're thinking "what if I get caught?" Motherfucker you're already caught! Better ask yourself "What if I get free?" Now thats a good book to put anyone in the mood for a bit of organized chaos. Here's a link: www.crimethinc.com(I am not really an "anarchist" anymore, although I still agree with, and enjoy much of the ideology involved)
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 14, 2008 1:58:03 GMT -6
I can't say I respect human life though.But what does respect human life is the rationalization and logic embedded in this mind,I can easily strip that away or shall I say,it runs away when Im around other humans.Everything and everyone is percieved as a threat.
I respect only one thing -MANIPULATION. Unless I use these humans I won't have a favorable situation.Killing with magick is a natural reaction.I feel no guilt smashing bugs,nor killing small animals (kinda fun smashing mice and rats though my cat was angry LOL)and soon I will have no guilt of icing other humans if need arises.LIfe is fucking evil to me.
In death everything returns to its true form.That hideosity of the mangled corpse in the car wreck,the burned corpses or the bloated expanding ones decaying naturally...DO NOT LOOK AWAY.This is the true state in which those wretched and twisted souls belong in.Thier beautiful flesh is a lie.I AM LIFE...they are deserving to be dead,thats their true beauty.I proclaim I am the sole deserver of beauty.
In fact I want to absorb everything's beauty,no star will shine brighter than me,I will be Lucifer yet again.My light will be seen by the only eyes that matter,mine.All life will be me,everything else wont be.This is my most initimate fantasy as it has been forever.
Sorry if I offended anyone,I let go of my slef back there.Ill hinde my face again now.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 14, 2008 2:30:49 GMT -6
Do not ever hide your face again. NEVER! You never stopped being Lucifer, I never stopped being a prophet. The same ....well, you know. You know what you just wrote back there? a nice hot batch of Fight Club Awakening! You CAN'T look away from the hideous...if you do, it will own you.
nice words Icon. In death is Life revealed.
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Post by Yahn'ikthorn on Jan 14, 2008 3:48:46 GMT -6
It is interesting to just observe your discussion.
Take Care & Control, Brothers & Sisters, things are a-changin'...
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 14, 2008 23:44:32 GMT -6
I can't handle an existence where I cannot express myself.I do not know how.22 yrs of life and I have learned nothing
I am through with this shit .I am going to cash this check and get super plastered and overdose on sleeping pills far from my home.I will not disrespect them and die in that house.I care less what happenes anymore.
I feel like Im a fucking prisoner.Nowhere I wanna go.Not sure what I wanna do and I could give two shits about A:O or godhood.Im pissed,so fucking pissed.The anger doesn't go away though.I just wanna end the anger,its so fuckin painful.Moreso than anything else,I had my share of physical pain and lost ppl close to me,but it don't compare to that seething rage with no where to go.
Fuck this shit,Im through.Life is cheap anyway.Ill spend my last days on the internet playing games and simply waiting.By weeks end Im through.I will not reincarnate this soul through Kia,I will not come back ,Ill bury it where it cant be found LOL.
In living truth -Jameson A. Reese
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 15, 2008 0:11:36 GMT -6
Our words here are the Necronomicon for the next generation of Cultists. Jameson, I will not take advantage of your vulnerable state and heap upon you loving brotherly insults meant for your edification...even though that may be what you need. What I will do is say that i know exactly how you feel, even to the point of my own suicide. And I do get angry, tears and anger, love and hatred. For what its worth, know there are those who feel as shitty as you do now; brothers in arms: one in the Cult. Whether in life or in death. Iao Cthonis.
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Post by iconoclasm on Jan 15, 2008 2:05:01 GMT -6
We'll be brothers whether we be dead or alive bro.Its too late for me,I can feel it in my bones,the hex has taken effect.Actually its not a hex,its a blessing.I was born missing something.No hugs,pats on the back or compliments can make up for it.I am doomed for what I lack.If not this week than the next.Like a bored prisoner I will be waiting although I must say,since I charged the sigil,never have I smiled so.
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Post by luxcthonis on Jan 15, 2008 2:55:48 GMT -6
I will slice myself in your honour when I hear you have gone. Keep smiling. When death takes you, let your smile be frozen into your mask of death, that way the world may see your happiness.
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